Communication is effective: principles, rules, skills, techniques. conditions for effective communication. Achieving an effective level of communication with the help of NLP. Questions for self-control
Most of the results of our work directly depend on the ability of a person to establish contacts. Sociability truly solves most problems, provides choice, opens up new opportunities. What needs to be worked on for communication to be successful? Can everyone develop good communication skills?
Factors for Successful Communication
People understand without words many internal states of the interlocutor at a subconscious level. They are transmitted by body language, as psychologists say, this is non-verbal information, which is sometimes more eloquent than any words. What can tell about us appearance:
- The way you carry yourself. A calm, confident attitude towards oneself is read by a direct look, good posture, and the absence of nervous movements. Self-confidence is the basis of equal communication. Without it, you will always take the position of asking, losing any negotiations in advance.
- Well-groomed appearance. Whatever style a person prefers, clothes, hairstyle, shoes should be neat. However, when going for an interview with a potential employer, for example, it is better to dress accordingly. By creating your own unique style of clothing, you show your individuality. However, remember about aesthetics, it is better not to violate its basic laws.
- Facial expression, facial expressions, emotions. The stony, gloomy face looks repulsive. Excessive gaiety makes one suspect frivolity. Though of course it all depends on the situation. At a party, seriousness is unnecessary, just as it is inappropriate to make jokes at the negotiating table. Our face tells people a lot. It is worth learning to control our emotions and facial expressions so that our intentions are emphasized by non-verbal ways of transmitting information.
However, looks are just the tip of the iceberg. The ability to make profitable acquaintances, make deals, just make good friends and acquaintances directly depends on several factors. Don't think that an ear-to-ear Hollywood smile will draw people to you. Rather, on the contrary. Showy good nature, unnatural, artificial grimaces will only make others suspicious of you. Why? Because the facial expressions are so unnatural. Even you yourself will begin to get nervous, to experience an unpleasant feeling that something is wrong. And non-verbally convey it to the interlocutor.
For communication to be successful, observe the following rules:
I think the main idea is clear: in order for communication to be successful, you need to work on your habits: control the flow of information that we pass on to others (verbal - verbal and non-verbal - body language). The ability to assess the situation, behave in accordance with it, speak freely, show interest and respect for the interlocutor, remain yourself, respect the freedom of others are the basic factors for successful communication.
Communication - the exchange of thoughts, messages, information using various kinds of verbal and non-verbal signals.
Communicative situation - this is a complex set of external conditions of communication and internal states of the communicants, presented in a speech product sent to the addressee.
Components of a communicative situation : addresser, addressee, topic, reason, purpose, code, style, expression, place, time, environment, nation.
Expression - a vivid manifestation of feelings, moods, thoughts.
Factor #1 COMMUNICATION COMPETENCE
Communicative competence - possession of communication mechanisms, techniques and strategies necessary to ensure an effective communication process. In addition to knowing how to use the language in the process of communication, this concept involves the possession of social and cultural knowledge, skills and interpersonal interaction skills.
Factor No. 2 depends on the individual characteristics of the Personality. linguistic personality.
"Linguistic personality - a set of abilities and characteristics of a person that determines the creation of speech works (texts)"(Karaulov, 1989).
In the process of socialization, a person acquires:
1) language competence- knowledge of the laws of the language;
2) communicative competence- possession of the laws of communication;
3) pragmatic competence- possession of the laws of communication in different communicative situations.
Factor #3 Idiolect
Idiolect is a personal linguistic system of a particular communicant with variations at the phonological, grammatical, lexical levels. Idiolect differences are manifested in pronunciation, intonation, selection of lexical means.
Factor #4 Sociability is the leading characteristic of successful communication.
Communication features:
1. Sincerity in communication.
2. Collectivity of communication.
3. Emotionality.
4. Communicative dominance.
5. The breadth of the information discussed.
6. The desire for informal communication.
Communication failures and ways to overcome them.
Communication failures:
1) communication barriers - factors that hinder communication (for example, lack of knowledge of the language);
2) communication interference – factors that reduce the quality of communication;
3) communication failures is the result of communication interference.
Reasons for communication failures:
1. Differences in the pictures of the world of the interlocutors.
An example of a dialogue from a Russian language textbook for Japanese:
- Did anyone call me?
- Who?
- Nobody.
2. Discrepancies in assessments, different mental models of a fragment of reality among the interlocutors.
For example:
- What kind of crap is this?
- Why crap? It's not disgusting, it's a favorite guinea pig.
Violation of the rules of speech etiquette.
For example, a dialogue in transport:
- Come on, move up!
- What a requirement!
4. Misreading of speech intention.
- Why did you call Sasha?
- Is he bothering you?(the question is understood as dissatisfaction).
Types of communication failures:
Verbal (phonetic, lexical, grammatical, etc.)
Non-verbal (associated with gestures, facial expressions, looks, etc.).
Factor #5 Etiquette and Politeness
Etiquette - a system of national-specific verbal units adopted and prescribed by society to establish contact between interlocutors, maintain communication in the desired tone in accordance with the rules of speech behavior (N.I. Formanovskaya).
Politeness - a communicative category, the content of which is a system of behavioral strategies aimed at harmonious communication.
Vocative
Vocative > invocation.
Vocatives refer to non-informative speech actions, perform an appellative function (establishing contact).
Factor No. 6 Choice of forms of communication YOU - YOU
1. The degree of acquaintance of the interlocutors.
2. Formality / informality of the communication environment.
3. The nature of the relationship of communicants.
4. Social equality / inequality.
Conditions for successful communication
I. Compliance with the principle of cooperation (P. Grice):
1. The maxim of quantity.
2. Maxim of quality.
3. Maxim relationship.
4. Maxims of the method.
II. Compliance with the principles of courtesy J. Leach:
1. The postulate of tact.
2. Postulate of generosity.
3. Postulate of approval.
4. The postulate of modesty.
5. Postulate of consent.
6. Postulate of sympathy.
Non-verbal communication is one of the most important factors for successful communication.
Non-verbal communication is the exchange of non-verbal messages between people and the interpretation of these messages.
Non-verbal messages:
1) situational,
2) synthetic;
3) involuntary and spontaneous.
People learn non-verbal language in natural conditions through observation, copying, imitation.
Ways of interconnection between verbal and non-verbal communication:
1. Non-verbal communication complements verbal communication.
2. Non-verbal behavior contradicts verbal messages.
3. Non-verbal behavior replaces verbal.
4. Non-verbal actions serve as regulators of verbal communication.
5. The non-verbal action repeats the verbal message.
Elements of non-verbal communication:
Kinesics
Takeshika
Sensory
Proxemics
Chronicle
Kinesics - a set of gestures, postures, body movements used in communication as additional expressive means of communication.
Kinesics elements: gestures, facial expressions, postures, looks.
Types of culturally determined gestures:
1) illustrators - gestures that accompany speech;
2) emblems - gestures used for greetings, farewells, invitations, etc.;
3) modal gestures - gestures that convey the emotional state of a person;
4) ritual - gestures used in various rituals.
Kinema "stick tongue"
· In Russia, a childish gesture.
· In the south of China - embarrassment.
· In Tibet, a form of ritual respectful greeting.
Kinema "ring - OK"
The American gesture means "everything is fine."
In Japan, money
In Malta - a homosexual
· In Tunisia - I will kill you.
Kinema "finger to temple"
· Among Russians, a person is not in himself.
In African cultures - a person plunged into reflection.
Intercultural differences
The gesture "stroking the beard" in Italians means boredom.
Pose - the position of the human body and the movements that a person takes in the process of communication.
Typologies of poses:
1. open and closed;
2. dominant or dependent;
3. opposing and harmonious.
Takeshika is a set of touches during communication.
Types of crops:
· Contact (Italian, Arabic, Turkish).
Distant (Asian, Northern European).
Proxemics - the use of spatial relationships in communication.
Hall identified 4 communication zones:
1) intimate (from 45 cm);
2) personal (from 45 to 120 cm);
3) social (from 120 to 400 cm);
4) public (from 400 cm).
Sensory - this is a type of communication based on the sensory perception of representatives of other cultures (smells, color combinations, sound preferences).
Chronicle - use of time.
Types of crops by way of using time:
1. Monochronous (only one activity is possible at the same time): Germany, USA, Nordic countries.
2. Polychronic (cultures in which several things can be done at the same time): Latin America, the Middle East. Mediterranean countries, Russia.
In social psychology, there are a large number of experimental studies that clarify the conditions and ways to increase the effect of speech impact, which have been studied in sufficient detail both the forms of various communication barriers and ways to overcome them. So, an expression of resistance to the acceptance of information (and, therefore, to the influence exerted) can be turning off the listener's attention, reducing the communicator's authority in one's presentation, deliberate "misunderstanding" of the message. Accordingly, every speaker must have the ability to re-engage the listener's attention, somehow attract him, confirm his authority, improve the manner of presenting the material, etc. Of particular importance, of course, is the fact that the nature of the statement corresponds to the situation of communication, the measure and degree of formal ( ritual) nature of communication and other indicators.
A set of certain measures aimed at improving the effectiveness of speech impact is called "persuasive communication".
Also, the characteristics of the communicator are comprehensively described, contributing to the increase in the effectiveness of his speech, in particular, the types of his position during the communicative process are identified.
There can be three positions:
- open - the speaker openly declares himself a supporter of the stated point of view, evaluates various facts in support of this point of view;
- detached - the speaker is emphatically neutral, compares conflicting points of view, not excluding orientation to one of them, but not declared openly;
- closed - the speaker is silent about his point of view, sometimes even resorting to special measures to hide it.
Naturally, the content of each of these positions is set by the goal, the task that is pursued in the communicative impact, but it is important that, in principle, each of these positions has certain opportunities to increase the effect of the impact.
No matter how important feelings, emotions, relationships of people are, business communication (but not communication of close people) involves not only and not so much the transfer of emotional states, but the transfer of information. The content of information is transmitted using language, that is, it takes a verbal or verbal form. In this case, the meaning of information is partially distorted, and partially it is lost.
Psycholinguists offer the following nine rules for successful communication.
1. Create a competent, understandable and not cumbersome sentence structure. Long sentences make it difficult to understand, as they are complex and grammatically unclear. To understand them, the partner needs concentration and attention. In addition, they make it difficult to understand the question, the meaning is often lost in subordinate clauses.
2. Use short sentences (8-15 words) that state a complete thought. Conjunctions such as “and”, “because”, “what”, “but”, “because”, etc., try not to use. Short sentences are always precise and clear.
3. The voice is the most powerful tool of persuasion. The expressiveness of the voice is perceived by the partner not so much by reason as by feeling. Your voice causes sympathy or antipathy. The monotony of speech is often the cause of failure in business communication.
4. Pauses interrupt the flow of speech. They also perform psychological functions: they increase attention, calm, emphasize what has been said, and help to take a break.
5. Expand your active vocabulary. The quality and quantity of the vocabulary enhance the impact of the utterance. The passive dictionary, depending on the level of education, consists of 30-50 thousand words. The active vocabulary (words used in spontaneous speech) consists of 3-12 thousand words.
6. Use verbs more often than nouns. Verbs give visibility to the statement, and nouns mostly have an abstract semantic meaning. Under the words "school", "pen", "house", "car" everyone can imagine the corresponding subject with specific individual differences. The use of verbs helps to form a concrete picture from a vague idea. Do without adjectives if possible - they can be perceived with a different expressive coloring from you.
7. Use the active rather than the passive form of the verb. In the active form, the verb becomes more alive. For example: "I invited him," not "He was invited by me." The passive acts impersonally, creates a distance between partners and carries a minimal emotional burden.
8. Don't use impersonal language. Formulations like “According to this, it can be understood that ...”, as well as the large numbers cited, act remotely and impersonally. The subjunctive mood - “I would say ...”, “I would believe ...”, “I would have (would) ...”, “I should ...” - does not express a decisive act, but rather creates a distance between the interlocutors.
9. A serious problem arises when the partner does not fully understand or otherwise interpret the meaning of the word or statement that you put into it. Therefore, it is advisable to clarify the concept at the very beginning of the conversation, telling the partner what you specifically understand by it.
These rules emphasize the inseparability of the verbal and non-verbal characteristics of the communication process.
Much in the understanding of information also depends on how competently, clearly and concisely we express our thoughts, carrying out verbalization. There are the following reasons that make it difficult to transfer information from one partner to another:
Inaccuracy of the statement;
Imperfection of recoding thoughts into words;
Inappropriate use of professional terms;
Misinterpretation of the interlocutor's intentions;
Excessive use of foreign words;
Incomplete informing of the partner;
Fast pace of presentation of information;
The presence of semantic gaps and leaps of thought;
Incomplete concentration of attention;
Not using different channels of perception;
Ornate thought;
The presence of a logical contradiction in the thesis;
Inadequate intonations, facial expressions and gestures that do not match the words.
Anyone, even the most talented person, can ruin his life if he does not know how to communicate with people. Such people have a lot of problems both in their personal and professional lives, they are not able to find a common language with other people, and this is especially important in the 21st century. This affects mood and, on achieving success and income levels. Around people to whom you need to look for an approach, and nothing can be done about it. Some people are so pleasant to talk to that it doesn't require much from you, but most people are still quite unpleasant or difficult. Ironically, most often it is these people who influence your destiny. Therefore, the quality of your life depends on the ability to find a common language with everyone.
Communication skill is also good because you will find application for it every day. This is not the ability to ride a bike that you use once a month, it's about something more important and everyday.
Do not forget that a person who knows how to communicate with other people has a clear mind and clearly understands what he wants. He is also a good psychologist and is liked by other people. Therefore, if the brilliant psychologist did not impress you due to the presence of simple tips in his books, then we have collected six more ornate ones for you.
Confidence
Why should we ideally use words at all? The answer is simple - in order to get what we want. For this to happen, we need to convey a message to another person, not only through words, but also through facial expressions, body and gestures.
People must take what you say seriously, otherwise you will not only waste time, but also will not achieve results. Have you noticed that people do not listen to you and do not take you seriously if you lose heart, do not get enough sleep or are not confident in yourself? Conversely, if you are in complete control of your speech, your emotions and your body, do people listen to you like hypnotized and are ready to agree with every word? They clearly understand your intentions and desires.
It happens that your confidence wears off during a dialogue and you may notice how your listeners gradually lose interest in what you are saying. Your whole body shows them that you mean something completely different from what you say. And the truth is, after all, you yourself will not take seriously a person who mumbles and cannot clearly say what he needs.
Confidence also means perseverance. If you arrived at the hotel and your room was given to someone else, you can certainly put up with it. Or you can, without rolling a scandal, persistently ask to call the manager and achieve justice. It is extremely important not to raise your voice, but also to be very clear about your rights and that they will be respected. For some strange reason, people are imbued with respect for such people and are ready to fulfill their request.
Authenticity
This is an extremely important principle that shows the other person that what you say and how you say it are in harmony. You have probably seen how an annoyed person tries to talk politely and how comical it looks. This example is too obvious, in other cases, artificiality is noticed by the interlocutor at a subconscious level. It happens that you talked with a person, agreed with him, and already when you got home you began to remember some of his individual reactions that you ignored during the conversation.
A bad communication strategy is that a person is afraid of appearing rude or impolite, because of which his speech and movements become artificial. His whole body resists its own hypocrisy and this is reflected in his speech and behavior.
Define your values. Only then can you be real and sincere. Sometimes you will have to defend a point of view or even say not the most pleasant things instead of tacit consent. However, here much depends on the situation, because banal politeness is often useful. Still, try to be authentic in most situations. Because in the long run, this is what will allow you to learn how to communicate with people.
And definitely don't try to joke if you're not in the right mood.
impartiality
This means being willing to consider other points of view. A person with communication skills is flexible and can change the way they communicate on the fly. Do not change your point of view, but allow the existence of others. Therefore, it is easy and pleasant to communicate with him. He does not build walls between himself and the interlocutor.
Even if you are infinitely right, people may not like the fact that their point of view is not taken into account and not developed by you. It hurts their ego. They no longer care about the truth, but rather the recognition of the right to their own point of view.
This is difficult because open-mindedness can conflict with your authenticity. In this case, it is extremely important not to take the other person's point of view, but simply to admit the possibility of being wrong. In any case, this is a subtle game and it has no clear rules. With experience comes an intuitive understanding of how to behave in each individual case.
empathy
This is the ability to understand the emotional pain of another person, to empathize and sympathize. A person who does not have such a skill will constantly make mistakes in his conclusions and utter phrases that are completely inappropriate for the moment.
You do not have to let through yourself all the emotional pain of another person, it is enough to understand what state he is in, how he feels at the moment. It is important to be sincere in such a situation, because again, people are very easy to recognize falsehood.
It is a very important principle of any communication, if only because in our time people have become very emotional and problems arise for everyone. Anything can upset a modern person. Your task is to understand when to sincerely sympathize, and where it is necessary to stop indulging a person, because sometimes a cold shower helps better than sympathy. But even this cold shower will be much more effective if you are sensitive to the situation and know when to apply it.
Clarity
Communication is not what you said, but how the person understood it. Take full responsibility for how you have been understood. This is a very delicate process, so at first you will have to carefully weigh your words in order to convey exactly what you intended to say.
Remember that how a person perceived your words depends on his further actions and decisions. And in any case, they will have consequences for you. These can be both minor domestic problems and catastrophic when it comes to business. Your clear thoughts are conveyed by clear words, which in turn clarify even the thoughts in your interlocutor's head. In this way, you change the way other people think and think, which is also an example of effective communication.
Listening skills
This does not mean that you should submissively listen to the other person. Take an active part in the situation when the person shares something with you. However, there can be two options - a person just wants to speak out or he wants to find answers to his questions with the help of you. In the first case, it is worth listening more and showing the person with some gestures and exclamations that you understand what he is saying. In the second, your task is to comment on the words of the interlocutor, but not to seize the initiative.
Determine for yourself which principle you most often do not adhere to and introduce them into your life. If you realize that you cannot listen, focus on this in the following dialogues. Do not try to cover all the principles at once, because they may conflict with each other due to a deep misunderstanding of them. Some people have the ability to listen, but they lack confidence. If you are one of those people, work on confidence in your speech, facial expressions and gestures. We wish you good luck!
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1. Ability to listen as an important quality of business communication
Learn to listen - this is the most important condition for correctly understanding the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" is manifested in the fact that the listener:
§ always refrains from expressing his emotions while the speaker is presenting information;
§ “helps” the speaker with encouraging gestures (nods), a smile, brief remarks, unobtrusively, but so that he continues the conversation.
Statistics say that 40% of the working time of modern administrators is devoted to listening, while 35% is spent on speaking, 16% on reading, and 9% on writing. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.
Everything affects the ability to listen: the personality of a person, his character, interests, gender, age, a specific situation, etc.
2. Hearing interference
Interference interferes with listening:
Internal interference - the inability to turn off your thoughts, which seem much more significant and important than what the partner is saying right now; an attempt to insert one's own line into the speaker's monologue in order to create a dialogue; mental preparation of a response (usually objections);
External interference with listening, for example, the interlocutor does not speak loudly enough or even in a whisper, has bright mannerisms that distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously “mumbling” or, conversely, “swallowing” words, speak with an accent, twirls foreign objects in his hands, constantly looks at clock, fussing, etc. . External mechanical interference includes: traffic noise, sounds of repairs, constant peeking into the office of strangers, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable indoor conditions (hot or cold), poor acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting surroundings or scenery, bad weather; even the color of the walls in the room plays an important role: red is annoying, dark gray is depressing, yellow is relaxing, etc.
3. Types of hearing
American communication researchers have identified four types of listening:
Directed (critical) - the listener first critically analyzes the received message, and then tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, as it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, but it is not very promising when new information is discussed, new knowledge is communicated, because , tuning in to the rejection of information (namely, this is what criticism implies), the listener will not be able to focus his attention on the valuable that it contains; with such a hearing, there is no interest in information; O
Empathic - the listener "reads" feelings more than words. This is effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener, but is unpromising if the speaker evokes negative emotions in his own words;
Non-reflexive listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum focus on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, attitude to something, wants to discuss pressing issues, experiences negative emotions; when it is difficult for him to express in words what worries him or he is shy, unsure of himself;
Active (reflexive) listening is characterized by establishing feedback with the speaker through: questioning - direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions; paraphrasing - expressing the same thought in other words, so that the speaker can assess whether he was understood correctly; reflections of feelings, when the listener focuses not on the content of the message, but on the feelings and emotions that the speaker expresses; summarizing - summing up what was heard (summary), which makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.
4. How to Become the Perfect Business Listener
Do not interrupt or interrupt your interlocutor. Let the person finish their thought. Silence makes a person keep talking. Listen to your customers and they will continue to answer the question to fill the silence.
Don't look at your watch. If you want to know what time it is, do it discreetly, otherwise the interlocutor will perceive this gesture as a lack of interest in him and a desire to get rid of him as soon as possible.
Do not finish the sentence for your interlocutor. Patiently wait for the interlocutor to express his thought to the end, do not interrupt him impatiently: “You already said that,” which can discourage a person from any desire to continue communicating with you.
After asking a question, wait for an answer. Even if the pause that has arisen after the question has dragged on, still do not be tempted to answer instead of the interlocutor. A pause is a sign that your partner is currently thinking about the question, preparing an answer to it. The pause may be unnerving, but if you've asked a question, have the patience to wait for an answer.
Your posture should not be cheeky and "closed" from the interlocutor. Do not fall apart in a chair, sit up straight, you can lean forward slightly. This will show your interest in the conversation.
Do not negotiate if you are not feeling well. When you feel unwell, it is difficult to focus on another person and show the interlocutor that you are listening to him. Better reschedule the meeting.
Maintain constant eye contact. Even if you listen carefully to the interlocutor, but at the same time do not look him directly in the eyes, he will conclude that you are not interested, so you are thinking far away from him and his problem.
Turn around to face the interlocutor. It is unethical to talk to a person, being in relation to him or her side or back, but linden to a computer or something else. Be sure to turn around to the interlocutor with your whole body, one turn of the head is not enough.
Nod. This is a very effective way to show the interlocutor that you are listening and understanding. However, by nodding too hard, you are signaling to the other person that your patience is over and it is time for them to end the conversation.
Set up verbal feedback. Replies like “Yes, of course, this is interesting ...”, etc. are designed to verbally confirm that you are listening to the interlocutor. This is very important to maintain contact.
Don't be afraid to ask clarifying questions. If something is not clear to you, you are not sure that you understood the interlocutor correctly, ask clarifying questions. This will give you the impression of a person trying not to miss important points of the conversation. There are many clarifying questions: “Do you mean that ...”, “Did I understand you correctly ...”, “Please explain ...”, “Do you want to say ...”, etc.
Resist the temptation to refute information that is new to you. People prefer to argue. If you hear from the interlocutor something that does not correspond to your beliefs or differs from your ideas, do not attack him and do not defend yourself, defending your point of view. It’s better to just ask: “Where did you get such information?”, “Why do you think so?”, “What explains your position?”
Avoid the syndrome: "And I have ..." The client can talk about anything, do not try to impress him with your "even cooler" personal experience, intercepting the initiative from him. The client, after being interrupted, can generally shut up and close.
Take notes. This has the following advantages: you suppress the impulse to interrupt the speaker; you can react on paper to possible anger starting in you and calm down for your answer in the future; already when listening, you will be able to separate the important from the secondary; really get into all the essential issues, which is especially important when it's your turn to speak; your negotiating partner to conclude that they are serious if they take notes to themselves during a speech.
5. Principles of successful communication
The success of communication largely depends not only on the ability to convey information, but also on the ability to perceive it, i.e. listen.
One wise man said that we have two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in this proportion, i.e. listening twice as much as talking. In practice, it turns out the opposite.
The notion that one can listen in different ways, and “listen” and “hear” are not the same thing, is fixed in the Russian language by the very fact that there are different words for effective and ineffective listening. All owners of healthy and efficient hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn how to listen, training is needed.
Lack of listening skills is the main cause of ineffective communication, and it is this that leads to misunderstandings, mistakes and problems. With apparent simplicity (some people think that listening means just keeping quiet), listening is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy costs, certain skills and a general communicative culture.
There are two types of listening in the literature: non-reflexive and reflective. Non-reflexive listening is the ability to be attentively silent without interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks. Listening of this kind is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, is eager to express his point of view, wants to discuss pressing issues. Answers in non-reflective listening should be kept to a minimum such as “Yes!”, “Well, well!”, “Continue”, “Interesting”, etc. In business, as in any other communication, a combination of non-reflective and reflective listening is important. Reflective listening is the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing. Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for clarification using key phrases such as: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify this", etc. Paraphrasing is the speaker's own wording of the message to test its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you...", "Do you think that...", "In your opinion...". When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “Probably you feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.
When summarizing, the main ideas and feelings of the speaker are summarized, for which the phrases are used: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “If you now summarize what you said, then ...”. Summarizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of a conversation, during a long discussion of an issue, at the end of a conversation.
communication business information
6. Common Listener Mistakes
Scattered attention. There is a misconception that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time, you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person only vaguely imagines what the interlocutor is talking about. You can avoid the distracted attention trap by prioritizing: choosing the activity that is more important. Screening occurs when an opinion is formed in advance about what the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention is drawn to only that information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded as irrelevant or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation with an open mind, without making any initial suggestions and conclusions. Interrupting the interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. Managers often interrupt subordinates, and men - women. When interrupting, you need to try to immediately restore the train of thought of the interlocutor. Hasty objections often arise when disagreeing with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waits for the turn to speak. Then he is carried away by the justification of his point of view and does not notice what the interlocutor was really trying to say.
Active listening should:
§ Remain open-minded. Any comments, especially of a critical nature, increase the interlocutor's reluctance to talk about problems that deeply affect him. This will also make it difficult to identify his real feelings, motives and needs;
§ study the facial expression of the interlocutor, his gestures and posture, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
§ pay attention to the tone of the message. Any discrepancy between content and form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
§ listen to more than just words. Important parts of the message are often conveyed by pauses, emphasis, and hesitation. Long pauses and repetitions betray alarm;
§ make it easier for reticent, shy or slightly tongue-tied interlocutors by inserting encouraging comments into their monologues, such as “I understand”, “of course”. At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested look;
§ try to put yourself in the position of the interlocutor, look at the situation through his eyes and hear everything with his words;
§ check your understanding of what you heard with the help of questions: “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, “where?”, “why?”, “how?”;
§ Use the PTS technique to get more ideas, information, and comments. This means that you need to start with the Positive aspects of the interlocutor's proposal, then find the Interesting and only then turn to the Negative aspects of his ideas.
Building communication skills takes both time and patience.
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