Cohabitation of a man and a woman is the result of a qualitative evolution of their relationship at the level of feelings, which leads to the desire to organize a joint life.

Living with a loved one under one roof is the dream of every lover who is tuned in to a serious long-term relationship and their continuation.

What in the modern world is now a more common form of the period of premarital relations, and sometimes their substitute.

For better or worse, it is civil marriage that is gaining more and more popularity both among young people and among couples of the older generation in a number of ways. certain reasons:

1. It is more convenient and easier to live together without formalizing a marriage union;
2. There is always the possibility of a quick and non-binding severance of relations without going to court and division of property;
3. An excellent simulator for modeling everyday relationships, where both partners can see each other in everyday life and make a choice for the future - to continue the relationship or not

Nevertheless, there are also disadvantages legally unregistered relations between a man and a woman, among which the following can be distinguished:

1. Most couples who live together for a long time do not subsequently formalize the relationship (it’s convenient for them anyway);
2. Many women consider it humiliating to live with a man as a common-law wife;
3. Men take civil relations less responsibly, considering them less serious than legal ones.

Whatever your beliefs regarding the need to register your relationship, the algorithm for organizing cohabitation will be the same.

It is important to understand that relationships before the start of living together under the same roof and after are qualitatively different relationships.

Until the decision of the couple to live together, the meetings were planned, held in a pleasant atmosphere, in a good mood, in an aura of love and happiness. Not without quarrels, of course, but mostly. People who just meet try their best to be good, the partner will like it. Therefore, sometimes they seem more than they really are.

After the beginning of a joint life, the masks are put aside, and the picture changes.

You should not be afraid and think that living together shows people from the worst side, and you should not start living together at all because of the fear of disappointment.

In no case. It's just that people show themselves as they really are, without the romantic additions and aura of initial love.

Living together is a deeper level of relationships in a couple, meaning each other's serious intentions and raising the question of linking your life with a partner forever.

After all, no one begins to live together for a pleasant pastime. If the conversation has already come about this, then the motivation is just a joint future, which indicates the depth of feelings for each other and the seriousness of intentions.

Therefore, if you decide to live together, the following steps will help organize this event easily and not miss anything.

Determine your place of residence

After deciding to live together, the edge becomes the question of place of cohabitation. It could be:

• Own living space of one of the partners;
• Rented apartment or house;
• Cohabitation on the territory of the parents of one of the partners together with the parents

Undoubtedly, the choice of residence is a key issue that will primarily affect the quality of life of a couple. After all, it is one thing to start living together and only the two of you, establishing your own rules and regulations, enjoying each other alone. It’s a completely different conversation if the couple, due to circumstances, is going to live with their parents. In the first case, the move is carried out simply and quickly - one partner collects his suitcase and brings it into the house. Since the alignment of things, life together began. In the second case, when the couple is forced to live with their parents, preliminary decisions are needed: to agree with the parents themselves on the possibility of the couple living on their territory, a separate room for the couple and the rules of the house in which the couple will live.

The well-known proverb “You don’t go to visit with your samovar” very clearly illustrates the move of one of the partners to the parental home of the other.

Despite the fact that the couple lives together and created a civilian family, do not forget that the parents have lived in this house for many years, this is their territory, their own way of life, which they will have to put up with, whether they like it or not.

Therefore, the rules and restrictions should be discussed even before the move, so that in the process of life there will be no domestic strife. It is the newly-made family that lives on the territory of the parents that will have to make concessions.

You should always remember that it is necessary to discuss household issues in advance, but in no case should you interfere in the couple's personal life or parental life. If everyone agreed to perceive the couple as a separate family, then it’s worth agreeing on a schedule for cleaning the house, but making claims to your wife: “Why is my Vitenka so depressed, you must have been rude to him ?!” is forbidden. Vitenka himself will deal with his mood, this is his personal business or the business of his family.

Make a budget

Even at the stage of planning cohabitation, special attention should be paid to the financial issue.

Conversations like “Somehow it will be” and “Somehow we will make money” are not suitable.

Both a man and a woman must navigate their common financial flow and opportunities to ensure cohabitation.

• Therefore, it is worth writing a list of mandatory monthly expenses and their amount.
• Decide on real opportunities to cover these expenses.
• And then see how much money is left for what.

If the picture suits you, there should be no problems. If you don’t have enough for something, you need to look for opportunities for additional income.

Unfortunately, many couples break up precisely because of an unresolved financial issue. Handle family money responsibly. Distribute expenses as needed and decide who pays for what.

The question of a joint or separate budget can also become a stumbling block in further residence.

So everything needs to be dealt with before the start of life and in such a way that everyone really suits. Otherwise mutual claims to each other cannot be avoided.

Divide household chores

This is another of the most important questions that all couples who are planning to live together or have just started face. High-quality organization of housekeeping is the key to peace in the family.

Distribute initially responsibilities between each other and responsibility for non-fulfillment.

If you agreed that every morning the husband takes out the garbage from the house and the husband signed under this, then the systematic failure to comply with this rule is fraught with the accumulation of garbage and smell in the house.

If you subscribed to the rules, follow them, otherwise there will be friction and discord.

Give personal space and time to each other

Everyone needs personal space and personal time for themselves. No need to count on the fact that having come together, you will now be passionate only about each other 24 hours a day. The first 3 days, perhaps, it will be so. But in the future, everyone will mind their own business. To do this, he needs time and opportunity.

Respect for the space of another person is the key to a happy and long life together. Remember this. The passion of partners for something other than each other and relationships makes people interesting in communication, filled and happy. It is very important.

Circle one: princesses poop, princes fart

Now you will know everything about him: the volume of belching, the time spent sitting in the toilet, the degree of cleanliness of socks. Well, he, in turn, will also get some new information about you. Not all couples can withstand such an elementary test, already at this stage the weakest links in the chain are broken forever.

“My ex suggested that I move in with him about six months after the start of a relationship. I doubted, but then I decided to try. Everything would be fine, but he snored very loudly, brought out incredible trills, I could fall asleep only in the morning and then with difficulty Probably, it was possible to go to the doctor with him or just put up with it, but, apparently, at this stage the relationship is tested: I didn’t want to help, I wanted to put a gag in his mouth or strangle him with a pillow.Every night I remembered how it was it's great to sleep alone: ​​silence, calmness, a lot of free space on the bed, etc. That's how my love boat crashed - oh snoring.

Lyuba, 29

Circle two: sex? what is it?

Previously, you did this in the entrance or at the dacha of friends, it was so incendiary, fun, erotic. Now everything is different: you have studied each other's erogenous zones and tried all possible positions. Your body flashes before the eyes of a loved one every day, no mystery, in short. It remains only to sit down in front of the TV, you - in a bathrobe, he - in sweatpants, and fall asleep in the same place, under the headline from the news, with thoughts about tomorrow's meeting on.

Circle three: where is the money?

Joint life is a common budget, whatever one may say. You used to drop your paycheck on dresses, manicures, and cocktails with your girlfriends. And now you are throwing yourself into a frying pan, a carpet, and some other Important Household Thing that you can’t do without. You used to get enough of a couple of yogurts a day and soup, and now you live with a man who, as you know, wants meat - that's another expense item. In short, a joint wallet has a bunch of minuses and disadvantages if your man is not a millionaire, and you have a conscience and spend money on shared sausages with pasta.

"We met this man (let's call him N.) in India, on a long trip. We had an affair against the backdrop of exotic nature, everything was super. He lived in Moscow, I'm in Minsk, offered to move to him. I decided to live in Moscow at least a month, to see what happens. N. said that he quit his job, gave all the money to India, asked to lend him a large sum. In short, we lived at my expense for almost three months, during which time he I didn’t lift a finger. I went back to Belarus and I want to tell all the girls: the material side of life is a very important aspect. While you are dating, he pays for your coffee, and then you start living together, and who knows what he decides to save on ".

Inna, 25

Circle four: who is on a hike, who is in hibernation

It is very difficult to live with a person who does not share your hobbies or passions. For example, on weekends you like to lie flat, watch "in the big city" and do a melancholy manicure. And he wants to dance and intoxicate Saturday night. Well, or vice versa: you want to go at least to the cinema, and the young man only goes to the kitchen to make a sandwich in between halves of a computer game. Of course, you can always agree and avoid conflicts. But in any case, you will have to change your lifestyle and adapt to your partner. And it was good to be alone, right? - I want to eat halva, I want - gingerbread.

Circle five: Mom will come to us!

Shared living space is common friends, neighbors, relatives and pets. A friend of mine moved in with a friend last year. With a dog. The young man was perfect in everyday life, but his dog spoiled the furniture, barked for no reason and eventually made a fatal mistake - he ate the shoes of the landlady. As you understand, the girl put both of them out the door the next day. But pets are not so bad. If you live together, be prepared for the fact that relatives from another city (naturally, little acquaintances with you) will definitely stay at your place, as well as friends will come to spend the night, etc.

“I moved in with Vadim, everything was going well, until his relatives from other cities began to constantly come to us. I understand that they have nowhere to stay, but it was like hell: you come home, and there an aunt from Bobruisk or sister unexpectedly arrived from Uryupinsk. In my apartment, I clearly filtered the people who visited me. But here I live "in a strange monastery" and cannot dictate my own rules. In general, I plan to throw out all the furniture from the apartment, except for one of our sofas, so that the visitors had nowhere to sleep, I'm such an unkind girl."

Olga, 28

Circle six: how can he watch these stupid action movies?!

If you both love "Full House", the golden hits of Nikolai Baskov and other television joys - no problem. But if you like, for example, Vladimir Nabokov and Pedro Almodovar, and your man starts the day with loud listening to the Aria group, and in the evenings watches the hundredth season of the series about cops, conflicts may arise. It probably sounds funny, but I personally know a couple who had a fight over Hunter Thompson's identity. She said that he was a fine fellow and a genius in general, and he assured that a person who committed suicide was an asshole. They reconciled, but only after a day of fierce fighting.

Seventh circle: I stand, I smoke

Everything is obvious here, bad habits are the reason for the divorce of many couples. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to sacrifice sources of temporary pleasure for the sake of a prosperous life together.

“My man was good at everything, but he smoked a pack a day and drank a couple of bottles of beer daily. And my father had big problems with alcohol at that time, I basically couldn’t stand drinking men, I was afraid of repeating my family scenario. I asked him many times to quit, he didn’t even drink or smoke for a couple of days, but then he broke loose and said that he couldn’t, and I should love him the way he is. "I packed my things and left. If a person cannot quit smoking for the sake of a future family life, then he is, firstly, a weakling, and secondly, he apparently does not really need it."

Violetta, 32

Circle eight: sidekick, how are you?

Turns princesses into "homies" and "friends". At some point, you will cease to be a woman and turn into a fighting comrade with whom you can glue wallpaper, go for beer, and discuss female priests. This is not bad, just at some point you want flowers on March 8, and he will give you a set of dowels, a frying pan and ask in bewilderment: "Flowers-s-s? Are you falling for such nonsense?"

As you can see, living together is a test for the strongest and most confident people in their feelings. Don't forget about Love, which, as you know, will help to withstand everything.

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Can there be harmonious marital relations without a common life?

Under a common roof

When ten years ago Victor And Larisa created a family, they did not even think about a guest marriage. For young graduates of the medical institute, it was quite natural that spouses should live under the same roof, build a family nest together.

“I was very glad that already at the beginning of family life we ​​had our own housing. At the same time, I tried to do everything in my power to make Viktor feel at ease and comfortable there, ”says Larisa.

Debt is debt

The prosperous family life of Victor and Larisa cracked three years ago. Events developed rapidly. By that time, Victor's grandmother had died, both sisters had married and settled separately. Victor's mother was left alone in the apartment. She suffered from loneliness and asked her son to visit her more often.

“When my mother-in-law became seriously ill, Vitya moved in with her to take care of her mother and brighten up the last months of her life ... I supported this decision because I understood that my husband should fulfill his filial duty,” says Larisa.

Second honeymoon

The first months of the guest marriage seemed surprisingly pleasant to Larisa. She has much more free time. When preparing lunches and dinners, a woman no longer had to be guided by the tastes of a fastidious spouse.

The husband began to take care of his clothes himself, learned to iron shirts and trousers ... “The most important thing is that romance has returned to our marital relationship. When Vityusha visited me, his eyes shone ... My husband suddenly became so gallant, courteous, often complimented ... It was the second honeymoon of our marriage.

Family life cracked

However, the "sweet phase" in the relationship did not last long. Larisa considered the guest marriage as a temporary stage in their life, as a kind of psychological shake-up, a piquant game ... She more and more insistently persuaded the missus to return home. But Victor, who had already tasted the "air of freedom", was fine with everything. Larisa reproached her husband for selfishness, suspected him of infidelity ... During one of the skirmishes, Victor declared that he was not going to return to Larisa's apartment, since all the past years he had felt like a primak there.

The spread of guest marriages is facilitated by economic and social conditions. Modern men and women strive for a successful career. To achieve professional heights, you need to be mobile. A person should be ready at any moment to break away and move to another city and even to another country. Therefore, traditional marriages are increasingly becoming guest marriages.

This way of family life is not able to solve deep problems in marital relations. It is likely that misunderstandings, omissions and mutual insults have accumulated over the years in the relationship between Larisa and Victor. All this load of problems spilled out during the guest phase of their marriage.