How to accept yourself for what psychology is. The main secret is how to accept yourself. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it
How to accept yourself and love? Self-love, self-relationship is a guarantee that you make the right decisions in your life and organize your life in such a way that everything suits you in it, including plans for the future. Achieving, developing and being able to maintain a state of self-confidence, respect and self-love is a real art. I tell you how to learn and what our love for ourselves depends on.
- Why again and again do you encounter inadequate people?
- Do they not notice you, treat you with disdain? Why?
- Do things happen all the time that are frustrating and in which there is no response, no matter how positive you are? Why?
It's all about loving yourself. If you want to understand how this is interconnected and how to fix everything - read on.
How to accept yourself and love? Key moment
The most important thing in self-love is not to pay attention to all these external manifestations.
It is important to listen to your inner dialogue and understand how you are talking to yourself, what things you are saying to yourself.
Self-love is not only about how you position yourself. It's not just how you talk about yourself in front of other people. Self love is first and foremost. deep self-respect.
Listen to your internal dialogue and you will understand that the person who was rude to you was actually a reflection of your boorish attitude towards yourself at some point.
For example, if you are "pushed" at work, ignored, no matter how hard you try, or treated disrespectfully in the family - all this is a direct reflection, the result of the fact that you "push" yourself, treat yourself disrespectfully and with distrust.
How to define it?
- you put off your plans, your thoughts;
- you do not consider your dreams adequate and worthy of respect, and alone with yourself you laughed at your plans;
- you do not consider your opinion of yourself to be the key and so far your opinion is determined by how people around you react to you.
Always remember that this attitude is not objective, it was simply once learned, when you were not taken seriously.
Remember your childhood.
Maybe your parents didn’t have enough time for you and it was easier for them to dismiss you, instead of accepting your childhood dreams, childish reasoning and your attempts to prove yourself.
How to accept yourself and love? Internal dialogue
Our internal dialogue consists of several levels.
First level.
This is what we tell ourselves.
For example, we watched and listened to a positive video about self-love and we understand that we need to support ourselves, remind ourselves of our victories, and we say to ourselves:
"I'm good, I can do everything."
It is very good that this is so. However, this is just the first level of internal dialogue.
The problem is that most people stop at this first level and do not even suspect that there is another second level and that it is the main one.
Second level.
This is what we really think of ourselves.
In addition to this dialogue within you, this inner praise, there is also what you personally think about yourself, how you really treat yourself, a deep attitude towards yourself.
Most often, this is what becomes invisible to us. This is the key to a new relationship with yourself. So start paying attention to WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.
Do you really imagine yourself so perfect when you talk about it to others?
Is that how you really think of yourself?
But you can already admit it to yourself - what you really are.
We all love to show off our best side, to flaunt, supposedly so that people notice how good we really are.
But if this is just window dressing and a desire to be liked, and you really don’t think, are internally unsure and don’t feel that you are really so smart, beautiful, successful, then what kind of self-love can we talk about?
Namely - you can choose a different attitude towards yourself.
This awareness is the key that will open the secret door and you will enter the room that you were afraid to enter. You look at what is there and decide whether to leave everything as it is or clean the room and take out all the junk from there and fill this room with what you want to see there.
Now think:
How REALLY do you feel about yourself and what do you REALLY think about yourself?
A few examples from practice:
- “I am learning to be self-confident, to stand up for myself competently and beautifully, to conduct a dialogue with people confidently and interestingly, but at the same time it becomes difficult for me to breathe and my heart seems to be about to jump out of my chest. does not work?
Now I understand - after all, when I am left alone with myself, I often think that I am insecure, that if I try to stand up for myself, my throat will begin to tighten, I will not be able to do anything about it. Now I understand what's the matter, what's my problem!"
- “I began to notice that at work everyone pushes me, pushes me, they don’t listen to my opinion, sometimes they don’t even answer questions. And this despite the fact that I’m trying to please everyone. I recognized myself. Thank you, now I will respect myself.
The world always reflects to you your inner attitude towards yourself. Like it or not, this is how it is.
As soon as you start to change the attitude towards yourself, absolutely everything changes.
How to accept yourself and love? Practical
It is important to work on yourself. Even if you consider yourself a very positive person, try an interesting practice.
Usually in such emotional moments we conduct an internal dialogue with ourselves, get angry or throw out our anger on someone who is nearby. Simple solution - try putting it all on paper.
You will be really stunned by the negativity that is in your thinking.
I wish you to persevere on the path of self-love. If you understand how you think of yourself, you choose the attitude that deserves you.
For dessert, a poem by Larisa Rubalskaya.
Wonderful! With humor! This is how you need to grow love for yourself, your beloved.
I found myself! I am important to myself!
I discovered myself! I need myself!
I am friends with myself! I write poetry for myself!
I will never say a bad word to myself again!
I love myself! I won't be rude to myself!
Because I'm saving up respect for myself!
I can't live a day without my beloved without me!
I am inseparable from myself! I am my blood!
I will talk to myself, praise and scold!
If I doubt something, then I will inspire confidence!
I can talk to myself! Like a butterfly, flutter!
I can soar like a bird and not be trampled!
I value myself! I bring good luck!
I attract happiness, but I take away misfortune!
I myself sing my tender song!
I admire myself so much that sometimes I get tired!
Behind me, dear, I go into the water and into the fire!
And now I live with myself, as if behind a stone wall!
Among the many worries, only one oppresses me:
From me - suddenly someone will take me like this ...
We learn by heart and every day we read to ourselves in front of the mirror.
And another poem, my favorite.
I love myself - sweet, gentle!
Mischievous, a little careless!
I love myself differently!
Even in the morning, waking up, beautiful!
I love myself stylish, strong!
Stunning and sexy!
And sometimes serious, bold!
In this life so skillful!
I love myself all, without a trace!
I put all the words in my notebook!
To remind your loved one:
I am a MIRACLE on our Earth!
I am unique and unrepeatable!
I can feel it, it's invisible!
I know it, I don't forget it!
And I keep repeating to myself:
LOVE is me
LIGHT is me
LIFE is me
I am my FREEDOM!
Sunshine, dear, very beautiful!
I'm inconspicuous, just wicked!
Sweet, smart and interesting!
My marvelous speech is heard as a song!
In a shining look - the sun's rays!
Hair marvelous, magnificent, long!
14 558 0 Hello! In this article, we will talk about how to love yourself. The advice of our psychologists will help you accept yourself for who you are and increase your self-esteem.We can try to please others, look good in the eyes of others, do good deeds, do charity work, remain calm, and overcome difficult situations well. And a lot of other useful things in life… But we can become truly happy and successful only when we start to like ourselves and be satisfied with ourselves. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, suspiciousness, susceptibility to depression are the consequences of self-dislike, which clearly interfere with living a full life. If you are asking the main question of today's topic, then you are already taking the first step in this direction, and the recommendations below will help you.
It turns out that learning to live in harmony with yourself is not such a rare problem. Unfortunately, it is complicated by the fact that self-dislike may not be realized, sometimes this requires effort. In most cases, the roots of this phenomenon go back to deep childhood and since then have influenced our worldview and behavior. There are, of course, other reasons as well.
Reasons for not loving yourself
- Education based on orders and the suppression of initiative.
If a child is regularly exposed to excessive criticism, reproaches, and at the same time he receives little affection and warmth from his parents, then an image of himself is formed in his mind as unworthy of love, attention and success.
The other extreme of upbringing - overprotection - also does not have the best effect on instilling self-love. When a child is overprotected and not allowed to act independently, then, growing up, he realizes that he does not have enough skills, skills, courage. And this inevitably leads to self-doubt, a decrease in self-esteem.
- Doing things that have caused criticism from others, or for which you yourself condemn yourself.
It happens that we do something contrary to our ideals and beliefs, “out of stupidity”, without thinking. Or a reassessment of values may occur, and we begin to repent of our deeds. Not everyone can easily cope with this oppressive state. Some even stop loving themselves.
- Inconsistency with the ideal self-image.
If we strive for the ideal we have created, but do not achieve it (in appearance, personal qualities, behavior), then we experience dissatisfaction with ourselves. The reason may also be a discrepancy with the expectations of others or the image imposed by the media. As a result, we do not accept ourselves as we are, and all the time we set ourselves an unattainable bar.
- Facing failure.
Unpleasant events in personal and professional life can affect our perception of ourselves. Parting with a loved one, feelings of guilt, relationships with friends and colleagues, lack of career success often affect self-esteem. Especially if we are used to treating ourselves through the prism of achievement.
Self-love: its features and origin
It is worth understanding the essence of the concept and how self-love is formed.
- Self-love is, first of all, understanding and acceptance of oneself. I:
- We know what we want in life, we know how to dream and make plans.
- We have goals to which we are true and from which we try not to deviate.
- We are aware of our strengths and weaknesses, we accept ourselves as we are.
- If we understand that certain qualities interfere in life, then we work on ourselves and try to change them (without fanaticism, of course).
But even changing something undesirable in our personality, we still continue to respect ourselves and praise ourselves for the slightest shifts in a positive direction. After all, we have a core, a foundation, a lot of strong qualities for which it is worth loving ourselves!
- Love is born in actions and in actions it is manifested..
Self-love comes from the actions of parents. They take care of the baby, communicate with him, smile, play, give their warmth and love, guide him and set life guidelines in order to form a mature personality in him. The child perceives these signals, feels love and support from parents, he develops self-confidence and a position: “I can”, “I can handle it”, “I am worthy”, etc. Without being afraid to act, we learn to more effectively accept make decisions, take responsibility, follow a goal. And this is always an additional reason to respect yourself.
- When we love ourselves, we act.
We don’t waste time worrying about “what is wrong with me?” or "I can't get it." Of course, this does not mean that people who love and respect themselves do not have moments of blues and anxiety. We are all alive and have the right to experience different emotions. But there are 3 key differences.
- First, when we love ourselves, we always remember our main goals and will follow them, despite life's difficulties.
- Secondly, we will not let these melancholy moments drag on and we will find a way to get ourselves “in shape”.
- Thirdly, our habit of acting will not be long in coming, and we will begin to look for a way out of this situation. And we will definitely find it!
The difference between self-love and selfishness, narcissism, narcissism
Self-love is inner satisfaction with oneself, self-respect, understanding and acceptance of oneself. The one who loves himself treats other people with respect, does not consider them higher or lower than himself, communicates on an equal footing.
Self love is not selfishness. The main difference is that a person who loves himself (not an egoist) is able to take care of himself and others equally, and an egoist puts his own interests above others, considers his own person to be extremely important. He often does not take into account the needs of people.
Narcissism and narcissism are usually used interchangeably and mean extreme selfishness. These qualities are possessed by people with high self-esteem, who believe that only they deserve true attention and attract it to themselves by any means. All the rest narcissists consider below themselves. They are not sensitive to the problems of other people and are not responsive.
People who love themselves (and show interest in others) are drawn to. And self-humiliation, selfishness and narcissism in most cases repel.
Why is it important to love yourself?
- Self-dislike leads to the accumulation of various negative feelings, the most destructive of which are and. We envy those who are better than us (as we think), who have achieved something more than us, and this is very depressing. We are jealous of someone close to those they like (more than we, as it seems again). We suffer because we are not as good as we would like. And unfortunately, these negative experiences most often remain at the level of emotions and thoughts and do not turn into actions to change the situation.
- A person who does not love himself (and, therefore, does not understand and does not accept), is turned to his inner world, he always wants to understand, study, discover something in himself. He is in constant search of himself. Therefore, he has no time for others. Such people are closed from the outside world and from communication with others. And when we love and understand ourselves, we are more open to contacts with the world, other people are interesting to us, we study them.
- Love for ourselves and others makes us kinder. When we like ourselves, we are generally more satisfied with life and experience positive emotions. We feel the strength and desire to help others.
- To be liked by others, you need to accept and love yourself. If we do not learn how to do this, we will not be able to attract the attention of other people, successfully communicate and make new acquaintances.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't allow others to love us.
- Our self-confidence and self-confidence directly depend on self-love. Self-esteem contributes to an adequate assessment of oneself and one's own capabilities.
- When we love ourselves, we take better care of ourselves: we take care of our appearance, allocate enough time for rest and hobbies, we try to protect ourselves from stress, emotional and physical overload. Of course, such an attitude towards oneself helps to maintain health.
- Self-love makes us bolder. This makes it easier for us to stand up for ourselves and others, to declare our interests, not to allow anyone to "sit on our necks", to take risks for the sake of a worthwhile cause (after all, we are confident in ourselves!)
- Self love makes us stronger. We better cope with difficult situations and overcome stress, gain experience and become wiser.
- In the family, we are also more successful if we like ourselves. For example, if a woman is satisfied with herself and appreciates herself, then she looks good, shines, creates comfort and mood for her loved ones, takes care of them. Thus, she attracts the attention of her husband and is in good contact with the children. Even this alone should make you fall in love with yourself.
- Self-love protects us from various “nonsense” and bad deeds. And the more it is, the less we are prone to unjustified risk to life, addictions, self-inflicted bodily harm, etc.
- Loving and understanding ourselves, we know what we want in life, realize our needs and make plans for the future.
- Self-respect and adequate self-esteem always contribute to the fact that we can praise ourselves for our achievements and demonstrated strengths and are not afraid to admit our own weaknesses to ourselves. And this is very important for personal development.
The following tips from a psychologist will help you think and act in the right direction and decide how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.
How to please yourself: start to act
- For starters, just smile! Right now. Let's! Do it without a mirror (so the smile will be more sincere). Feel what muscles are slightly tense at the same time, imagine how your eyes look. Sincere joy always manifests itself in them. You need to learn to smile with your eyes. This way you will like yourself and others more. Subsequently, you can train in front of the mirror, choosing for yourself the option that, in your opinion, is the most attractive smile. Do it regularly. After all, smiling, we activate the centers in the brain responsible for the feeling of happiness. And if we begin to feel something, it means that it is already present in our life.
- Within 10 seconds, remember one of your positive traits that helped you succeed.. Most likely, at that moment you felt good and were pleased with yourself. Feel those emotions again and feel the joy. If it worked out then, then it will work out in the future, because this is your quality, and it will always be with you! And for sure there are other traits that make up the inner core and make you a strong personality. You just need to remember them and apply them in life.
- Study yourself properly! Only without unnecessary self-digging and fixation on shortcomings. For example, devote a whole day to this. Write down on paper your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and values, dreams and plans for the future. Which of your main goals have already been achieved? What are not yet? Is there something you want but are afraid to do? Be sure to sum up, highlight your key qualities that are important to rely on, and the main goals you will strive for.
Read: - Get rid of things you don't like. If, for example, you wear clothes that look completely unattractive and irritate you, then you direct the same emotions to yourself. Urgently review your wardrobe and outdoor space. Surround yourself with nice things. Let it be a few pieces of clothing in which you feel confident and comfortable; a picture, a souvenir or some kind of accessory that pleases the eye and uplifts the mood, etc. The color scheme around should also be pleasant for you. It is better to keep order on the desktop.
Your outer personal space and things around you are a reflection of your inner world. By managing one, you change the other.
- Force yourself to take some drastic step. For example, bring the once started business to the end. Or do what you want for a long time, but do not dare or are afraid for some reason (of course, within the framework of what is permitted by law). Try to behave outside the box, go beyond the usual looped actions. For example, choosing a new route to return home (even if not entirely logical), organizing some interesting event for relatives and friends, visiting an unusual exhibition or performance, spending the weekend in a new way, etc.
- Learn to tell yourself "STOP", as soon as you start to engage in self-flagellation and regret any committed actions. ACCEPT YOURSELF with all your weaknesses and failures (and at the same time with strength and resilience) is now the number one task! Everyone makes mistakes and they have the right to do so. And most do not stop loving themselves because of this. And any failures are an invaluable experience that helped you achieve what you have now, which makes you stronger and wiser.
- Regularly track changes in yourself. You can even start a diary of comparisons. But you need to compare yourself not with other people, but with your former (former) self, what (what) you were before the moment you began to change your attitude towards yourself. Celebrate all your positive actions, the emergence of new useful traits and habits, praise yourself even for small achievements.
Comparing yourself to others is pointless, useless and ineffective. We are all unique in our own way, and everyone has their own way of development..
Take care of your body and health
- Make sure you like your appearance. Just little tricks and wisdom can change your image. A new hairstyle or eyebrow shape, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow can sometimes work wonders and can help a woman love herself and boost her self-esteem. Sometimes, of course, more drastic changes may be required, for example, to correct the figure by joining the gym. Everything is in your hands, and you yourself determine the measure of the desired changes.
Read:You are the creator of your image. Only you!
- Watch your posture. It is she who often betrays confidence or insecurity in a person. The same principle applies here as with a smile. Raise your head and look forward, straighten your shoulders and straighten your back - you will feel that you are becoming taller, more significant, more confident. Let's do it right now! First, it will be necessary to constantly control this position of the body, then a good habit of maintaining posture will appear. Remember everyone. What is this compared to a lifetime?!
- It's time to start highlighting. It can be just relaxing or doing what you love. And no style objections: “Well, there’s no time at all!” or “Yeah, I don’t seem to need it.”- not accepted. You have the right to rest and private time. And the more you highlight it, the more you will begin to be convinced that you really deserve it. Enjoy happy moments!
- Treat yourself and your body with pleasant treatments: massage, SPA, aromatic baths, etc. Do not forget that after 50 years this issue is very relevant.
- Do the following exercises:
— Love your body!- Walk around the house naked for one day. Practice this once a week. This will help you accept yourself for who you are. This will save you the embarrassment of being on the beach during the swimming season. Remember, the main rule: if you love yourself, others will love you.
— Start your day with compliments!- Woke up. Went to wash up. Smile at yourself in the mirror. While brushing your teeth, you said 3-5 compliments to yourself in your head!
— Find the one!- ... the very phrase that would inspire you and give you strength and confidence. Perhaps it is already in your arsenal, but you forget to repeat it to yourself. Print it out (it is possible on a color printer, in a beautiful font) and put it in a small frame near the bed. When you wake up in the morning, do not forget to look at it and your day will start in a completely different way.
— Feel free to receive compliments and gifts. Remember, you deserve the best! Accept it! Surely you have met people who, perhaps, do not have the appearance of a model, and they do not shine with a big mind, but they have all the benefits in this life. So they have everything in order with self-esteem and they know for sure that everything they have, they deserve.
How to love yourself: be positive
- Get involved and interested. A person who “burns” with something is always in a good mood, charged with positive energy. He has no time to be sad and worry about his shortcomings. Such people are full of enthusiasm and inspire others. They are satisfied with themselves, because they do what they like, and get a significant result. Therefore, it is important that you always have something to your liking.
Read more (mostly books), watch interesting programs and films, accumulate useful information, share it with others. It always promotes self-development.
- Create more! The combination of mind and feelings allows us to realize an interesting task - to create. Someone builds, someone draws, writes books, designs, masters culinary skills. The more we create, the more we value ourselves. And the more often we do this, the higher our level of skill, and this is always an occasion to praise ourselves.
- Do the following exercise. Write on a piece of paper in a column several times the same phrase: “I love ...” (at least 20 times) and continue it. Anything can be written:
- "I like ice cream",
- "I like to smile at people"
"I love it when my baby laughs"
- “I love to cook delicious food”, etc.
Don't think for a long time. The more phrases you want to write, the better. Love always reflects powerful life energy. The more we love everything and everyone around us, the more we are charged with this energy. We feel happier and respect ourselves. - Watch what you say. Your speech must be positive. Avoid phrases: "I don't like myself," "I don't like myself," "I'm not capable of ..." and the like. On the contrary, constantly remind and inspire yourself: “I love myself”, “I respect myself”, “I deserve it”, “I can handle it”, etc. Thought is material, and any words affect your mood and state. Consider such phrases as commands for action and sources of self-support. They have a scientific name - affirmations. Here are some examples:
“I am full of energy and constantly developing”,
"In my soul, peace and harmony",
"I like to do something nice for myself"
"I can find an approach to any person."
Get a “Good Mood Notebook” and write down all the phrases that you like, make you feel an influx of energy and make you act.
How to love yourself by interacting with others
- communicate more. With your loved ones, friends, colleagues, as well as with strangers. make new acquaintances, be the first to take the initiative! In communication, speech, oratory skills, courage, the ability to find an approach to different people and interest them develop.
- Give joy to others and do good deeds. Small gifts for relatives and friends, compliments and words of support, assistance in various situations - all this will help strengthen relationships with others and increase your self-esteem. And, of course, the feeling that we can make the world kinder, we add love to ourselves.
- If you yourself experienced, as a child, a lack of love for yourself from loved ones, do not repeat this with your children.. It is important to realize this and forgive your parents, because they could have done some actions from a lack of experience and the presence of various fears. Accept this and do not transfer the hidden negative feelings to the children. Agree that you are no longer that child, but a mature person who herself chooses the most favorable way for raising her descendants. What you put in them, and what feelings you give them, will be reflected in their development, attitude towards themselves and success in the future.
In addition to your decisive action, you can read interesting and useful books on developing self-love by the following authors: “Reconcile body and spirit: 40 simple exercises”, Albin Michel, 2007, Louise L. Hay “Album of healing affirmations”, L. Breuning “ Hormones of happiness”, M.E. Litvak "If you want to be happy", E. Muir "Self-confidence", E. Lamott "Small victories", N. Rein "How to love yourself, or Mom for the Inner Child."
Especially for you, we have selected videos for you that will help you love yourself, accept yourself and forget such words as "I don't like myself."
Louise Hay
Simple steps to love yourself and raise your self-esteem.
We are a mirror of our relationship with our world. By accepting ourselves, we accept others. When we love ourselves, we love those around us. By building relationships with ourselves, we improve communication and understanding with them, become kinder and attract positive energy into our lives.
The following articles will also help you accept yourself, learn more about yourself, and deal with the most common problems every girl has.
We are smart, categorical, omniscient and confident when it comes to anyone else. But as soon as the conversation turns to us, confidence and aplomb disappear somewhere. We know everything about others, and nothing about ourselves.
The hardest job is working on yourself. It takes a lot of time and takes a huge amount of energy. Therefore, it is easiest for us to convince ourselves that nothing can be changed and, no matter how hard you try, nothing can be corrected.
Do you know what is the root of this problem? The fact that we do not love ourselves and do not even respect. And as soon as you realize this and let it in, everything falls into place.
This is where you have to start. From understanding how to accept yourself the way you are.
Awareness
No matter how much we talk about the need to value yourself, nothing will come of it until you yourself are aware of your personality. It is not difficult to do this, the main thing is never to engage in rejection and denial.
Do you have favorite people? Parents, friends, children, spouse? They're not perfect, but you love them. Because they are exactly the way they are. For the smell and sense of humor, for the desire to help and for small flaws, for the manner of speaking and stupid habits. And you don't care what color their hair is, whether they've put on extra pounds, work hard, or mess around sometimes. You simply love them, although you are aware of all their imperfections.
Take a sheet of paper and a pen. Sit at the table, divide the sheet in half. In the left half, write all your pluses. Everything you remember. Even the fact that you can hold your breath for more than a minute is also a kind of advantage, it means you have good lungs.
In the second half, write all your cons. Have you written? Now imagine your loved one and “try on” these shortcomings on him. Does he drink tea loudly? Oh, it's so cute! Does he not cover his toothpaste when he brushes his teeth? It's okay, everyone has their weaknesses.
Notice? As soon as it concerns a loved one, all your terrible “minuses” turn into the category of minor shortcomings that are not even worth attention.
Adoption
After you have realized that you are not perfect, and you have flaws and virtues, we will try to come to terms with them and accept ourselves as you are.
Turn on your imagination at full capacity and imagine that your loved one is you. Come on, describe what you can love him for? For a cheerful disposition? For kindness? For the ability to bring what you started to the end? For cute dimples on the cheeks? Feel free to write everything for which you can love this person.
What about disadvantages? Constant mess on the table? Yes, because I am a creative person. Can't cook lasagna? Because I prefer to eat in a restaurant, I deserve it. Don't wear trendy clothes? Because I don’t suffer from “thingism”, I’d rather spend this money on travel. It doesn't matter how old my sneakers are, if I walk around Paris in these sneakers.
This is called "acceptance". Of course, this does not mean at all that you do not need to work on your shortcomings and eradicate them. It just means that you have the right to small flaws in character and appearance.
In order to accept yourself exactly the way you are, you need to do two steps:
- Love yourself for your dignity.
- Forgive yourself for your shortcomings.
Difficult? Yes. We tend to exaggerate our shortcomings and downplay our strengths. French researchers conducted an experiment. Several people verbally described to the artist how they see themselves. And according to their description, he painted portraits. And then he painted their own portraits, but based on the impression of other people. It turned out two completely different images. The reaction of people when they realized that what they see and what others see is diametrically opposed is simply impressive. As it turned out, a person sees himself about 40% worse than he really is. Think about it.
Consolidation of the result
Well, to consolidate the result, a few simple techniques are suitable.
First, finally start your personal success diary! It really really helps to cope with the complexes and increase self-esteem.
Secondly, looking in the mirror, always smile and focus only on the merits. No need to look for the first wrinkles or gray hair. You have beautiful eyes and a charming smile. Wink at yourself and go conquer the world!
Third, start replacing negative habits with positive ones. Choose one and gradually, little by little, crowd out the negative with the positive. Don't forget to record your progress in your diary. Finished with one habit - take on the second.
Fourth, forget the negative words. “I can’t”, “I won’t succeed”, “I’m ugly”, etc. Change all negative attitudes to positive ones. “I can”, “I will”, “I can do it”. And better in general in the present tense, as if you have already done it.
Well, these are the very first rules that you must implement in your life so that you no longer have a question, How accept yourself as you are.
You are a unique, unique person. And you are just that thanks to the symbiosis of all your pluses and minuses. Love them all, and then immediately your life will find the meaning that you have been trying to find for so long and unsuccessfully.
Acceptance of oneself, events and life in general
Psychology. How to become happier? How to accept yourself as you are? Live and enjoy your own sense of yourself and life.
Hello friends!
I am sure that the question: "How to become happier?" there is a fairly simple answer - you need to accept yourself as you are authentic, this means seeing and appreciating your merits, but even more important, which I consider much more key - is to recognize and forgive yourself for your shortcomings (your imperfection), to be able not to demand from yourself too much and not strive to your own detriment to do everything right or be good for everyone. And also, mentally reconcile with the real life that you now have, even if it’s not even what you want, it’s very important to remove the chaos inside.
Well, not accepting oneself is, first of all, a misunderstanding of one's true values, plus: stress, illness, all kinds of anxieties, various negative states, and complexes. It is impossible to live fully and happily without being in friendship with yourself.
Let's use examples to understand what Acceptance is. what kind of process is this.
There are several opinions. Many mean by acceptance only humility or compromise. But humility implies acceptance of something unacceptable for oneself, and it remains unacceptable for us, and we just give up before that without making any attempts to change something.
Acceptance is mainly the perception of oneself and everything that happens, the way it is, and just the way it is, without our personal assessments, as if we were looking at life and at ourselves from a distance. At the same time, it is important to understand that detachment does not mean indifference, detachment is an unbiased, relatively calm view from the outside(not distorted by emotion and desire) to what is in reality.
It is with this perception that we are able to look at life most soberly and clearly, clearly understanding and accepting everything, without regrets, anger or despondency.
Observe yourself: most of you have your own evaluative opinions. These are all the labels that you once attached to everything: people, situations, things, facts, views, etc.
But this, if you look closely, spoils your life very much. It makes you do what you don't want to do; behave as you would not like; say what you didn’t think (a) to say; hear and see only as it turns out and at the same time feel various unpleasant feelings.
By accepting yourself, you stop feel the need to evaluate yourself and perceive yourself as a kind of objective, real image that no longer needs to hide anything from yourself and others. And once you stop evaluating, then you stop judging yourself from the point of view of some of your concepts, rules and the image of your ideal self formed during your life.
If you try to live up to the ideal that you have instilled in yourself, it means endlessly comparing yourself with this image, constantly losing and constantly proving something to yourself and others. And this leads only to periodic or constant dissatisfaction with oneself, to tension, loss of strength and mood, not to mention general health and a sense of self-hatred.
And now think, is it possible to build a happy life on this foundation?
Acceptance is just the foundation and the support from which everything starts, any positive changes in life begin, because you stop rudely conflicting with yourself and the world around you.
With acceptance, step by step, you will gradually bring all areas of your life to a certain balance, clearly realizing and accepting oneself and all around, for granted.
Starting from reality, you do not invent anything, you see what you see, and calmly perceive life as it is, without embellishment or negativism, in all its simplicity, complexity or beauty, without criticizing anything or anyone, and without indignation by turns in fate.
Each event will be perceived by you as an objective due, as part of an integral and great universe.
What can a person dislike about himself and what can he not accept? Anything can be here.
It can be behavior, character, or even the way you communicate and express your emotions. Or a person simply cannot accept what is happening to him now and the situation in which he is, and often does not accept some of his physical or moral shortcomings or everything that he does, as he thinks, is not right, but he wants to -something else, because the internal, embedded image this ideal self requires.
This is where self-punishment begins - self-criticism and self-flagellation.
For example, a person internally punishes himself for the manifestations of his natural behavior that he failed to restrain. After all, for some reasons, his vision, he does not like it or he considers this behavior to be wrong, unattractive or inconsistent with his image and his rules.
And often he looks and tries to imitate someone who is close to his inner ideal, copies him in everything and continues to do so, because he sincerely believes that it will be better for him, so he will look more profitable in the eyes of others and the opposite sex so he will be more successful.
In fact, a person can be freed from something only if when you deeply and sincerely accept yourself and everything that he represents in reality will open his soul for himself and others.
He will also accept the current position in which he is, accept his "shortcomings" and calm down. He will learn to be content with what he is and what he is, and then it will be possible to do something more using his strengths and gradually correcting his weaknesses somewhere (developing himself).
And it is your natural, natural essence, which you may have been blocking for a long time, that will bring you relaxation, happiness and more success in life. Only she is able to allow you to open up and realize yourself as much as possible.
Of course, to accept yourself or something else that does not suit you is sometimes very difficult and often it is also scary.
But there are many things in life where you need to act despite fear. It is always scary for everyone to turn the page of life and start all over again without any guarantees. It is scary to take risks and put everything at stake in order to achieve your big goal. It is scary to enter a dark room when you do not know what is hidden in it.
How to accept yourself and become happier.
How to accept yourself, all of yourself, such as you are and remove the internal blocks that prevent you from living a happy life?
First of all, you must learn to observe yourself (I often write about this, because it is really very important), observe your behavior, your actions, thoughts and feelings in order to understand yourself and your contradictions. Observe and notice yourself at those moments when you begin to experience inner discomfort, and try (without tension) calmly understand these moments - what you just did, thought or said, why you did it exactly, what thoughts and feelings made you and what causes you internal tension.
Having understood what’s what (often it takes time), tell yourself something like this: “Yes, I admit that I have it in me, yes, I am like that.” That is, first you need to remove the cause of your internal conflict and calm down. And for this it is important to be honest with yourself and admit that you are experiencing some fears and some desires and aspirations that are unacceptable to you, that you have some moral weaknesses and that you sometimes act and say things that are not what they wanted.
Eg, with your behavior, manner of communication, that ostentatious mask that you may habitually use in life, you are trying to defend yourself or are trying with might and main to attract people's attention, convince them that you meet their expectations, or just try to please everyone to recognize you, but deep inside, at the same time, you feel that this is not you real. And, moreover, many deceive themselves, not recognizing what they are doing all this for, what they are trying so hard for. Because of this, internal contradictions arise, disbelief in oneself (in one's true essence), a lack of understanding of one's true desires, a struggle with oneself (or with others) and constantly mixed with irritation and anxiety.
We are so used to pretending to others that we end up pretending to ourselves.
François de La Rochefoucauld
Therefore, you must first recognize and accept EVERYTHING in yourself, both good and bad. sincerely and unconditionally so that you can do something about it later. That is, accept everything that you may not like about yourself, that now does not fit into your moral principles, but if there is something there, then it is there.
And it is pointless to try to deceive yourself, you can deceive others for a while, you can constantly deceive your consciousness, but you can’t deceive your deepest essence.
And if at first you are afraid, then gradually the anxiety will go away, dissatisfaction with yourself will dissolve, you will become happier, more will appear, and you will understand that you were right, that you are on the right path.
Observe, study yourself, notice all this in yourself and, in small steps, remove masks and simulated behavior from your life. And you will get more of what you want from others. And most importantly, more and more people close to you in spirit will begin to surround you, and these will be exactly those who you need.
How to get rid of your assessments of people?
Catch in everyday, life situations when you evaluate someone , in terms of self-comparison, and also calmly remove these moments with your sound reasoning or simply diverting attention to the side, but without tension, smoothly.
Remember that this only harms you and makes you look for flaws in yourself. These are the thoughts that just get in the way of your life.
And in no case do not blame yourself - if something does not work out; if you, having forgotten, again began to think in the old way, this will be the biggest mistake. All this takes time and patience, you just need to eliminate the habit of thinking about it and focusing on attention.
Just do it slowly, and without violence against yourself, otherwise nothing will work out.
Meditation will also help you with this.
There is nothing supernatural in it, it is just inner work on oneself at the subconscious level. Meditation allows you to work out internal attitudes, remove blocks, restore the body and understand where everything comes from, how thoughts, emotions and sensations arise.
If there are a lot of shortcomings or what you consider shortcomings, write them down point by point in a notebook and work with each one separately. Don't rush, there's no need to rush here.
The word “must” sometimes irritates me, because very often you only hear “must, must and must”, but this is one of those moments when it is NECESSARY to do this, accept everything as it is, accept the real one with all the shortcomings, accept the current situation (even if this is not what you want), and only after that, having calmed down, begin to move towards your dreams.
- All it takes to have love is to be love.
- Love does not require conditions.
- This experience is absolute and perfect.
Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.
What is this term often confused with?
This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!
True self love is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.
There is no pressure or effort involved.
Having this feeling:
- you are in harmony with yourself;
- you walk the world easily;
- feel confident in any situation;
- respect everything you do and everything you say.
It's such a down to earth and natural feeling.
Let's figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.
1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complete you, you are already self-sufficient
2. Accept yourself completely
Accept yourself the way you are
Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.
- Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
This is important because people often judge themselves, hate themselves and despise themselves for the things that have been done in the past. - At that moment in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes, because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
Of course, then you admit the mistake, but you love yourself with these mistakes and accept them. - Thanks to your mistakes, you are where you are now..
They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.
When you no longer associate the word “acceptance” with weakness, you begin to live with ease and calmness that you have never seen before.
Accept all your flaws and love yourself with them: there is what is
Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."
Example. I screwed up in front of people yesterday, I couldn't make a presentation and didn't prepare.
There is what is, and that's okay.
Use this phrase as practical advice on how to love yourself and stop self-flagellation.
What is the fine line which many people forget:
- This does not mean that you have now resigned yourself to the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! No.
- You still strive to be the best version of yourself.
- You just don't judge yourself for your shortcomings.
3. You don't need a reason to love yourself.
You are self-sufficient and should love yourself for no reason.
If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, then love will not be complete and complete, and doubts and reasons for the opposite immediately appear in your head. You don't need a reason.
As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because…”, there are immediately reasons not to love yourself!
If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you find reasons to doubt!
You love yourself, period. Without a reason.
You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason to be otherwise.
Thanks to this realization, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.
4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal
No one is better or worse than you.
Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermine your self-esteem.
Otherwise, you will get into an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a self-confident person.
Get out from under the influence of social programming. Be aware that.
Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.
5. Never compare yourself to others
Comparing oneself to others always causes a feeling of lack of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.
Never chase after others and do not strive to be what you are not!
Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare it with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.
Comparing yourself to others gets in the way of self-acceptance.
You cannot be what you are not. You can't live someone else's life. No matter how hard you try, you'll be able to be a cheaper, duller version of the person you're chasing!
The best thing you can do is be yourself.
Don't try to be what you are not. Don't try to be like everyone else.
Be yourself and go beyond your limits, expand your comfort zone.
It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves with each other. And as a result, then they are always competing with someone. It's like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.
With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love themselves and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will forever remain open.
With whom can you compare yourself?
The only person you should compare yourself to it's you yourself!
For example, what were you like yesterday and what are you today.
A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT with regards to the results achieved, but with regards to the new knowledge and awareness received.
Ask yourself these questions daily:
- What have I become wiser than yesterday and what have I learned new?
- What lessons have I learned from today?
- Am I out of my comfort zone today?
Only such a comparison with oneself has a place to be.
If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.
6. Respect your body and your mind
Consider the sixth advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself.
Respecting your body and mind means that you love yourself as a spiritual person, able to think and be aware, and you love your healthy body and take care of it.
Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle
How to respect your body:
- Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed by the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful smelling, alcoholic, inhaling things and do not undermine its health.
- Develop your body, go to the gym. Feel the pain of muscle growth when it comes to understanding that the muscles are using their full potential and you are using them correctly. This is wonderful.
- These feelings of developing the muscles of the body and eating the right food give you more confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.
People get drunk and live their lives this way because they hate themselves and don't know anything about how to learn to love and appreciate themselves.
Respect your mind and consciousness, do not stuff it with false information
What does this mean and how should it be implemented:
- You don't have to watch trash on TV.
- You need to think positively, have clear and distinct thoughts. Have pure thoughts. And then you will close your questions about .
- You remove all negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
- You need to develop your mind, explore new concepts, ideas, topics, look for better solutions.
- Let your mind rest.
- Meditate. You can read more about .
- Show him that you respect him.
The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself.
7. Remove the negative grumpy granny in yourself, judging other people and yourself
Why you need to stop judging others and yourself
This will also be the main advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself for a woman after 50 or an elderly man.
But, alas, this bad habit is also found among the younger generation.
An example of how judging others limits you
- For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
- And you and your friend go through and start throwing mud at him: “Here, Chaliapin was found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, let him go to the circus,” etc.
- There comes a time when you already have to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
- It is this grouchy grandmother, judging others, that limits you in your actions.
- Never judge anyone. Both yourself and others.
The only thing you can blame yourself:
- Have I done my best?
- Did I do everything I could to get better?
8. If you don’t like something, then don’t endure it, act
You can verbally tell the person that you don't like it, or use facial expressions and gestures to show that you do not approve of it.
From childhood, your mother taught you to endure difficult situations and let them be.
It was the same at school. No need to be patient!
These are not necessarily words, they can be actions that stop what you do not like.
Example: The man smokes in the car. And you can't stand cigarette smoke and have never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.
- I suggest that the person get out of the car and smoke on the sidelines.
- I'm talking about the fact that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and I'm allergic.
- I say that we will not be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.
Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.
The more you solve unpleasant situations for you, the more love and respect for yourself will appear.
9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what you don't
Why it is important to have personal boundaries:
Example.
- I don't like it when a man sits on my neck.
- I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
- And so on.
Also write your preference what you value and respect in people.
This way you will know what you want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love and respect yourself.
10. When you achieve your goals, reward yourself in every possible way: for example, buy yourself sweets.
If you set a goal for yourself and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.
How it helps you further:
- Thus, unconsciously, you reinforce in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tastier.
- There is more energy to achieve the goal.
- Buying something for yourself, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes natural love for yourself for the efforts and efforts made.
For example, I like to buy sweets for myself: chocolates, cake. To whom to taste. It's always nice.
Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.
11. Don't whine or let whiners cry into your waistcoat.
You are not a sponge and not a vest in which you can cry! Make it clear to everyone around you.
When you yourself whine next to people for life and for people, you just show them that they can also do the same to you.
Whining does not solve the problem in any way!
You don’t want to love a whiner, you want to love a strong personality!
How to stop whiners:
- If the person next to you whines and complains about life, on people, pours out his soul to you and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
- If he keeps whining, then he's not going to solve anything.. This means that a person just wants to feel needed for you, pour out his soul to you, feel your empathy.
- Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?”. Get rid of the whiners without a doubt, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
- Get the whiners out of your social circle, and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities around. No whiner will drag you down.
12. You create all situations yourself: take responsibility for yourself and your actions
How to learn it with a piece of paper and a pen
Apply this effective method from psychology on the topic of learning to love yourself in practice.
An example with a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street
How did the person bring the situation to this point:
- I myself behaved too aggressively and emotionally.
- I myself called names and provoked a man.
- I could just leave at any moment.
- I was looking for my own adventure.
- I pushed the man first.
- I myself attracted the negative that I had been accumulating for a long time.
13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them down and remember them.
Know exactly what value you have, what attractive characteristics and qualities.
If you don't know this, you won't be able to develop self-love and dealing with people will be harder.
For example, it's great if while communicating with people, you, without even straining, bring such things as:
Whoever you are you already have value, if only because you are unique.
Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with restless thoughts about how to learn to love yourself as a woman or a man.
Answer the following questions in writing:
- What makes your personality attractive?
- What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
- What sensations do you give to people who are in your environment without trying and without making an effort?
- How deeply can you express your interesting personality when interacting with other people?
- How independent and free are you on the inside?
Values are different for different people. As your personality develops, your values may change.
Video on how to increase objective self-esteem
14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires
- Say what you want.
- If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do it and realize them!
- Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.
Don't be afraid to show yourself what others don't want you to see! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!
The more you trust yourself and act on your desires, the more you live the life you want.
Examples of how people limit themselves in life because of the opinions of others:
- Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality because they are afraid of offending other people.
- Some people don't want to dance because they're afraid of getting looks of disapproval or bringing smiles to the faces of others.
You can read an article on how to ignore other people's opinions and get rid of shyness.
15. Be more interested in yourself, do introspection, strive to be your best self
How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person
Stick to these principles, and you will no longer worry about how to learn to love life and yourself.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What are your passions in this life?
- What excites and excites you?
- What kind of humor do you like?
- What kind of music do you like?
16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it
- Set yourself a goal that will excite you and keep you awake!
Live this dream and make it a reality every day. - The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to implement it and make it a reality.
- If the goal is low and petty, then there will be so much energy.
- Thus, on the way to a big goal, you will live an interesting life., there will be respect for yourself and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.
Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.
17. It's Important to Love Other People: Don't Try to Change Them
It is important to love and accept people for who they are.
Be aware of these principles, reread them occasionally, and don't worry about how to love yourself and other people too.
18. You don't have to be a super perfect person.
Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be super-ideal and correct.
Allegedly, you should have an ideal body, education.
In fact, no one wants to be perfect and correct!
Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.
People want to be themselves.
Allow yourself and others to be who they are.
In this way, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.
19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat
Enough to conform to your idea of what is normal
To be in pretentious cool places, it is absolutely not necessary to have super expensive clothes.
To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of \u200b\u200bwhat is normal.
Well, it is desirable, of course, to find out in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then there is no need to comply with anything.
- It is very stupid to advise a person to always think positively.. This is tantamount to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
- Any condition is temporary and impermanent.. For all people, the state changes and there is no point in forcing a person to depend on the state and constantly chase after it.
- This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. No.
- You gotta love yourself no matter what state you're in. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.
This is where all the advice ends. Now you know everything about how to love yourself correctly and correctly interpret this concept.
Wise words
Love is the absence of separation and boundaries between people. This is when you are dissolved and see yourself in every person.
Loving all people is much more beautiful than loving yourself alone or just your partner.
