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How to learn to make decisions quickly. Have your own opinion

Human life is a series of decisions, and it is the freedom of choice that allows us to feel free. However, this situation suits, no matter how strange it may sound, not everyone suits. Many people not only do not know how to make decisions, but are also terrified of this process.

The main reason for their concern is not the decision itself, but the consequences that they may entail.

Often, the fear of making a mistake is so great that a person who finds himself in a situation of having to make a choice simply falls into a stupor. How can this be avoided and how to learn to make the right decisions?
First of all, you need to understand for yourself that no matter what you decide, this is only your right. The decision you make cannot be wrong, it can only be more or less effective.

The ability to make decisions on time can greatly help you in life. If you voluntarily refuse it, constantly referring to ridiculous factors, such as an unsuccessful horoscope, bad karma or a difficult fate, then by doing this you will not only shift the burden of responsibility for your life to others, but also sign your own spinelessness and weakness.

As an example, consider a situation where a person is offered a transition to a new job. He knows that there he will have a higher salary, Better conditions work, the opportunity to open up and realize oneself as a specialist. It would seem that all the factors are for the transition to take place, but in fact everything happens exactly the opposite way, since most people are afraid to change something in their lives, preferring to remain in a gray and calm swamp.

Meanwhile, the decision in favor of the transition in any case would be more advantageous. Because even if you are disappointed in new job, you will still make a leap forward. Maybe you will change your job more than once, but each such transition will bring you closer to that job, about which you can safely say that it is "yours".

Note that this is not about mindless decision making. It only means that making a decision is not scary, you just need to start doing it.

How to make the right decision? To do this, we suggest you use a few rules.

Rule 1 If you make a decision, then you accept responsibility for it.

Rule 2 Don't give up on making decisions.

Even if you don't want to make decisions, that is also a decision. After evaluating all the information at your disposal and thinking ahead of where your decision may lead you, do not stop, and bring the matter to the end. To make decisions easier for you, prepare yourself in advance for the fact that their correctness affects your reputation.

As you begin to gain experience, your decisions will become more and more correct and fruitful.

Rule 3 Having made a decision - immediately forget about it.

Having decided something for yourself, and starting to act in the chosen direction, leave all doubts behind and do not torment yourself with thoughts about how correct your choice is. Try to make sure that everyone who is directly affected by it knows about your decision. This is a guarantee that it will be implemented in the time you need and with the proper quality.

When making a decision, do not worry about how much it will turn out to be true. Just learn to see everything positive points. Even if everything doesn’t work out the way you originally intended, you can get upset and fall into despair. Or you can look at it with optimism and look at failure as an incentive to keep moving towards your goal.

Forward to self-improvement!

Acting quickly, decisively, and then not regretting what happened is a skill that can really be useful in any social upheaval. Here are some tips to help you work it out.

1. Lists are not a panacea, or we ask for simplifications

Recently glossy magazines strongly advised anyone who is discouraged by a difficult choice to make a list of the pros and cons of the enterprise. Allegedly, this way you can find out what is more significant. Although it is already clear that if we begin to delve into the topic and study the composition of tissue, the amount of carotenes and forecasts on the stock exchange, it will be even more difficult to make a choice. Endless lists should be left to people who enjoy making them.

Psychologist Elaine Eyron, author of The Hypersensitive Nature, writes that the more subtleties and nuances we recognize, the more we doubt. Sensitive people often suffer from indecision, seeing that the world is not simple and there are a lot of details in each of the options. The pros list is a way to dig into them. For a quick decision, the reverse move is suitable - generalization and simplification ("After all, it's just two films. Let's give the Oscar to the one with the funniest soundtrack").

2. Down with perfectionism

The road to hell was paved by people who had a good strategy, a well-thought-out business plan, and the best of intentions.

The economist and psychologist Herbert Simon coined the terms “maximizer” and “moderate” (satisfier) ​​in the middle of the last century. The former must be sure that each purchase or decision made was the best possible, so he torments himself and those around him with a meticulous study of alternatives: “Does that iron also not have a built-in radio?” Moderates settle for what is already good enough and don't worry that fluffier cats live somewhere and wittier life companions walk the planet. Needless to say, the satisfaction with life of people who stopped in time, saying to themselves “and so it will do”, is higher than that of indefatigable perfectionists (this is described in B. Schwartz’s “Paradox of Choice”).

3. Practice on the little things

To one day authoritatively declare: “We will build the capital right on the swamp!” - you need to practice not so much meaningful things. We can’t even always tell ourselves what to choose for dessert. But developing a confident intonation on the phrases “I insist on strawberry ice cream!” or “Today I need a pencil with an eraser on the end!” still a great practice: a person listens to himself and learns to make quick decisions. The authoritative psychologist Kimberly Kay, for example, recommends starting with ten such decisions a day - even if they are never life-changing, but independent, and not imposed by a friend or a wise coach.

4. The 37% rule

Writer Brian Christian and cognitive scientist Tom Griffiths in their book Algorithms to Live By they offer a curious and working, according to their assurances, recipe - “the 37% rule”. Thanks to this cunning move, the authors promise, it will be possible to save time that we spend on sorting through confusing options.

For example, if you took yourself a month to look for new apartment, you need to take only 37% of the specified time period - 11 days. During this period, you study the proposals. Then you should make an advance payment for the apartment that you like, even if it is located in Kotelniki, and not consider other options. Similarly, experts recommend looking for a job, parking, candidates for a responsible position, and even a life partner. True, if in ten years it turns out that you and your wife do not get along and your parking space is so-so, write to the authors of Algorithms .... And we have nothing to do with it.

Today I will tell you what methods will allow you make the right decision and learn to make decisions in general. This article will be based not only on my experience, but also on the decision-making methodology outlined in the famous book by Chip Heath and Dean Heath - “. This technique helps to effective choice in business, in business, in career and in education. Here I will outline the main points of this technique, and also talk about what helps me personally in finding the right solutions.

Method 1 - Avoid "narrow borders"

Often we fall into the trap of "narrow frames", when our thinking reduces all the diversity possible solutions There are only two problems: yes or no, to be or not to be. “Should I divorce my husband or not?” “Should I buy this particular expensive car or take the subway?” Should I go to the party or stay at home?

When we choose only between "Yes or No", in fact, we are stuck in only one alternative (eg, breaking up with her husband, making a purchase) and ignoring the others. But maybe there are other options in your relationship besides breaking up with your partner and returning to the status quo. For example, try, discuss problems, go to a family psychologist, etc.

If you choose not to buy an expensive car on credit, it doesn't mean that exhausting subway rides are your only remaining alternative. You can probably buy a cheaper car. But, perhaps, the most correct choice will lie in a different plane of decisions. Maybe it will be more convenient and profitable to rent an apartment closer to work. Or change jobs to less distant from home.

An alternative to choosing between different breeds of cats or dogs may be for you to go to a cattery and choose a homeless pet that you like best.

This seems like an obvious tactic for thinking about choices, yet many people continue to fall into the same traps. There is always a temptation to reduce the problem to a yes or no dichotomy. We instinctively strive for this, because it is much easier to consider the problem only in black and white, and not in all its diversity. But it turns out that with this approach we only create difficulties for ourselves.

Also, we often try to consider a choice between two extremes, although it is possible to find a compromise between them in the middle. Or we don’t notice that both of these extremes can be implemented simultaneously and in fact it is not at all necessary to choose one of them.

Method 2 - Expand the selection

This method is a development of the previous method. Many of us know situations when we want to make an important purchase, for example, to buy an apartment. We arrive at the first apartment and we are fascinated by it appearance, and the realtor offers "favorable" terms of the transaction and thereby provokes us to make a quick decision. And we are already thinking not about “which apartment to choose”, but about “whether to buy this particular apartment or not to buy”.

Do not hurry. It is better to look at five apartments, instead of buying the first one that comes across. Firstly, it will allow you to better navigate the real estate market. Perhaps there are better suggestions. Secondly, the time you spend looking at the rest of the offers will “cool down” your instant emotions. And momentary emotions always get in the way right choice. While you are under their influence, you may overlook some obvious shortcomings of the apartments you like, but when time will pass, you can see the whole picture more clearly.

We become too attached to the goal to which our thinking is initially tuned. And this forms a strong inertia in decision-making: we are ready to see only what confirms our decision, and we ignore what contradicts it. For example, you wanted to enter a certain university from school. A few years later, you failed your entrance exams. And now you are thinking about preparing hard and trying your luck again in a year. You dismiss all the arguments of your friends in favor of choosing another university, as you are used to thinking that your choice is the best.

But what if in the few years it took you to finish school, the situation has changed and the university you want to go to is no longer the same as before? Suddenly new promising educational institutions appeared? Don't get attached to your choice and spend comparative analysis. Expand your selection! Familiarize yourself with the curriculum and teaching staff at other institutions. What other universities offer a similar program?

Getting less attached to one alternative will help you helper method"disappearance of options".

Variant Disappearance Method

Imagine that the alternative you have chosen cannot be chosen for some reason. For example, the university you want to enter, let's say, was closed. Now think about what you would do if this really happened. And start doing it. Perhaps you would consider other possibilities, and perhaps in the course of this process you will discover how much great options you missed because you were fixated on any one alternative.

Method 3 - Get as much information as possible

The authors, Chip, and Dean Heese are surprised that it is common practice for many people to read reviews before buying electronics, booking hotels, or choosing hairdressers. But at the same time, when it comes to choosing a job or university, fewer people use this wonderful practice, which helps to get a lot of valuable information.

Before making a decision about employment in a particular company, you can study the reviews of people who worked in it. This is better than relying only on the information provided to you by HR and the future boss.

The Heath brothers suggest asking one question at the interview for this.

“Who worked in the position before me? What is his name and how can I contact him?

There is nothing wrong with trying to get firsthand information. When I learned about this practice, I was surprised that, despite the obvious advantages of this approach, it never occurred to me to use it during my job search!

You may not always be given the contacts of these people. In this case, it will help you get information practice of leading questions.

This practice is good because it allows you to get information from someone who is reluctant to share it.

At the interview:

Instead of asking what prospects and conditions you offer (you may be promised brilliant prospects and good conditions work), ask more direct questions:

“How many people have left this position in the last three years? Why did this happen? Where are they now?"
Asking this question will help you get more reliable information about your future work.

In the shop:

One study found that when sales consultants are motivated to sell as much as possible more products, asked the question: "Tell me something about this iPod model" only 8% of them reported problems with it. But when they had to answer the question: “What is his problem?” 90% of all managers honestly reported the shortcomings of this model.

Method 4 - Get rid of momentary emotions

As I wrote above, instant emotions can greatly interfere with decision making. They make you lose sight of something important and focus on small things that later turn out to be insignificant.

Many of us face the dire results of impulsive and unconscious choices, realizing that at the time of making the decision, we were blinded by our emotions and didn't see the full picture.

This may concern an early marriage or an impulsive divorce, expensive purchases or employment. How to avoid the influence of these emotions? There are several ways.

The first way to get rid of emotions - 10/10/10

This method allows you to go beyond the narrow perspective that instantaneous impulses set. It consists in asking yourself three questions before making a decision:

• How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes?
• And after 10 months?
• What will happen in 10 years?

For example, you fell in love with another man and want to leave your children and leave your husband. If you make this decision, what will you think of it in 10 minutes? Probably, the euphoria of falling in love and a new life will rage in you! Of course, you will not regret your decision.

But after 10 months, passion and love will subside (it always happens), and perhaps when the veil of euphoria that has covered your eyes disappears, you will see the shortcomings of the new partner. At the same time, a bitter feeling of loss of something dear will begin to manifest. You may find that what you used to take for granted was actually your advantage. old relationship. And this is no longer in your new relationship.

It is very difficult to predict what will happen in 10 years. But perhaps, after the ardor of falling in love passes, you will realize that you have come to the same thing that you were running from.

Of course, I'm not saying that this will be the case for everyone. For many relationships best solution there will be a divorce. But, nevertheless, I am sure that a lot of divorces happen impulsively and thoughtlessly. And it is better to weigh everything carefully and distance yourself from the delusion of euphoria in anticipation of change.

The second way to get rid of emotions - Breathe

Before doing any important choice Give yourself a little time out. Take 10 calm full and slow inhalations and exhalations of equal duration. For example, 6 slow counts of inhalation - 6 slow counts of exhalation. And so 10 cycles.

This will calm you well and cool the ardor. Well, do you still want to order this expensive trinket you don’t need, just because you saw the same one from a colleague?

This method can be combined with the previous one. Breathe first and then apply 10/10/10.

The third way to get rid of emotions - "Ideal me"

I came up with this method when I could not make one decision. And he helped me a lot (I wrote about him in more detail in the article ""). Think about what your “ideal self” would do or what would be the ideal scenario for the development of events under the existing restrictions. For example, you are thinking whether to go out drinking today or stay at home with your wife and children. Many factors in the decision will compete with each other: a sense of duty and a momentary desire to drink, caring for children and health with the need to have fun.

What to do? Think what would be ideal option. Just stay realistic. I understand that ideally you would like to split in two, so that one part of you stays at home and the other part of you has a party, while alcohol would not bring her any harm and a hangover the next day. But that doesn't happen. Given the restrictions, the ideal option would be to stay at home, because last week you promised yourself to drink less. You realize that your wife rarely sees you and if you don't go to the party you will feel better the next day.

No need to think about what you want more. Because, Just because you want something doesn't mean you need it. Desires are fickle and fleeting. Now you want one. But tomorrow you may regret indulging your momentary desire. Consider which option would be correct. What would an ideal husband do?

The fourth way to get rid of emotions - What would you advise a friend?

Imagine that you want to change your job to a more comfortable and highly paid one, but you are afraid of change, you are afraid of being disappointed, you don’t want to let your colleagues down, you are worried about what your boss will think of you in connection with your departure. Because of this, you can't make up your mind about it.

But what if this choice is not in front of you, but in front of your friend. What would you advise him? Surely, if he shared with you fears at the expense of disappointments and the opinion of the boss, you would answer him: “Come on, you think about all sorts of nonsense! Do what's best for you."

Surely many of you have noticed that you can give good and reasonable advice to your friends in solving some situations, but at the same time, you yourself behave unreasonably in similar situations. Why? Because when we think about another person's decision, we only look at the essentials. But when it comes to ourselves, a bunch of little things immediately pop up, to which we attach exaggerated importance. Therefore, to get rid of the influence of these unimportant things on your decision, think about what advice you would give to your friend if he was in a similar situation.

The fifth way to get rid of emotions - just wait

Remember, a quick decision is very often a bad decision, because it can be made under the influence of emotions. You don't have to listen to impulsive desires every time. In some cases, it makes sense to just wait and not make a spontaneous choice. Impulsive desires, on the one hand, are quite intense and can be difficult to cope with. On the other hand, they are fleeting and you just have to wait a while, and this desire will disappear. You will realize that what seemed to be an essential need a couple of hours ago, in fact, you do not need.

Personally, I like to let some decision “ripen” in my head, give it time, provided that I have nowhere to rush. It doesn't mean that I think about him all the time. I can do some business, and suddenly the decision will appear by itself. It even happens that I make a decision instantly, but I am in no hurry to implement it if it concerns important and long-term things.

In a few days, details may “surface” in my head that can change my choice. Or vice versa, I will understand that the first thought was the right thought, only now, I will be sure of it.

The sixth way to get rid of emotions - stay focused

This method is suitable in situations where you need to make quick decisions while under psychological pressure, for example, at an interview.

As a poker lover, I know how important it is to stay focused so as not to give in to instant emotions. Poker is basically a game of decision making. I have noticed that when my mind wanders somewhere far away from the game between hands, I make unreasonable and emotional actions when it's my turn to bet. But if I am focused on the game, even when I am not in the hand, for example, just watching the opponents, this allows my mind to be alert, constantly monitor everything around me and myself, think only about the game and not let unnecessary thoughts and emotions into brain.

So, for example, during an interview, keep your attention on this process. Listen to everything they tell you. Do not let extraneous thoughts enter your head, such as: “what did they think of me?”, “Did I say too much?” Think about it later. But for now, be here and now. This will help you make the right choice.

Method 10 - When Not to Use All of These Methods

Looking at all these methods, it seems that decision making is a very complex process. In fact, these methods are designed to help you make choices, in which each alternative is determined by a set of advantages and disadvantages. But what if there are no flaws? What if you have nothing to lose if you choose one option?

Then forget about all these tips, act and see what happens.

For example, you saw pretty girl on the street, you are alone and just looking for a mate. Stop going over the pros and cons in your head. You have nothing to lose if you come up and get to know each other. This is an absolutely simple solution.

Such situations are an exception. The more you think about them and weigh the decisions, the more uncertainty and the chances of missing an opportunity grow. Therefore, where the choice does not cost you anything, think less and act!

Conclusion - A little about intuition

The methods I've been talking about are attempts to formalize decision making. Give clarity and clarity to this process. But I do not want to belittle the role of intuition.

These methods should not confuse you, instilling in you an illusory confidence that any decisions are amenable to reason and dry analysis. This is wrong. Often the choice is characterized by a lack of complete information, and you will have to accept the fact that in many situations you cannot know with 100% certainty in advance which decision will be better. Sometimes you just need to choose something, and then it will be clear whether you made the right choice or not.

Therefore, you need to use intuition, instead of waiting until your methods give you an unambiguous prediction of the correctness of one or another alternative. But at the same time, one should not overestimate her role and rely too much on her “gut”. For this, there is a formalized approach, which is designed to balance your mind and feelings, logic and intuition. The right balance between these things is the art of decision making!

Instruction

To learn how to make quick decisions, imagine the end result of your actions or inactions and evaluate what is best for you. For example, you are offered a promotion career ladder. Of course, this is a wonderful event, but you are worried about increased responsibility, a different work schedule, etc.

Take a sheet of paper, divide it with a vertical line into two columns. In one write down all the advantages that a new position gives you, in the other - all the disadvantages that you may encounter. Now you need to decide which of the scales outweighs: your perceived fears or actual benefits? After all, all that you are afraid of is only your predictions, they may not come true. But because of fears and prejudices, you can refuse real opportunity dramatically change your life for the better.

Do not look for reasons for your inaction. You can always find them if you want, but will it help you develop as a person and move on? The life of any person is arranged in such a way that every day he makes any decisions - from the smallest, everyday, to vital ones.

In your actions, be guided by the motto: "The one who does nothing is not mistaken." Fearing a mistake that may not happen, you will miss a lot of the opportunities that life provides you. Among billions of people there is no such person who would not make a mistake at least once.

Put in front of you real goals and outline ways to implement them. To do this, you can start a diary and every day write down in it the steps that helped you get closer to solving the problem, as well as the circumstances that threw you back.

Create your look successful person, stop being a victim of circumstances, take the reins of life into your own hands. Remember that only you are the master of your destiny and have the right to decide what you should do in this or that case. Increase self-esteem, find a hobby, go in for sports, learn something new - so you will have more reasons to be proud of yourself, and therefore - and trust your own opinion.

Praise and reward yourself for every success, even the smallest, try to feel the taste of victory, strive to experience it again and again. Develop a positive outlook: for this, read books aimed at success, watch films about strong people who win, avoid discussions with melancholic people who always doubt everything.

Analyze those events from the past that you think can cause your self-doubt. Probably, you had some failures, mistakes. Think about what useful experience you can learn from them and turn this page of your life.

The idea is simple: for 52 weeks, make one small positive change in your lifestyle every week, and by the end of the year, you will be less stressed, more productive, more memorized, protected from disease and aging, and feel your life. more complete and varied. The program outlined in this book gives you a whole year to gradually achieve changes that will eventually fit into your lifestyle and become familiar to you. Consequently, the chances are increased that positive changes in your life will be long-term and permanent.

In 20 years, you will be more upset about what you
failed to do than because of what you did.
Jackson Brown*

How to overcome indecision

Every day we have to make decisions. But even simple solutions often not as easy as we would like. Our indecision comes from fears born of worrying that we might make the “wrong” decision. We worry because we need certainty, better outcomes, and proof that we are right. But often there are simply no “right” solutions. There is only different variants. good solution maybe even if it at least moves us forward in the right direction.

Our anguish about the “right” decisions takes a lot of time and nerves from us and gives rise to stress, reducing the feeling of satisfaction with life.

*Jackson Brown (born 1948) is an American guitarist, keyboardist, composer, lyricist, and producer. He also wrote several books "for inspiration". - Approx. transl.

If we consider our decisions only according to the criteria of "correctness" or "incorrectness", then we exclude surprises from our lives. The tactic of not making a specific decision under the pretext of maintaining a plurality of its options sometimes seems optimal, but it delays progress. Often we think that people are bitter about the wrong things. decision. In fact, they experience more bitterness from the lack of action. Even when you make the wrong decision, but consciously, the results of the action can be better than if you make no decision.

If you notice that making any decision, serious or not, paralyzes your will, try the following.

Prioritize according to your values. When faced with a decision that could affect your entire life, carefully consider your life values ​​and what is important to you. Prioritizing according to your principles and not someone else's principles will make it easier for you to make a decision that meets your true interests.

Trust your intuition. Indecision can come from self-doubt and thinking that you are not able to make the right decisions. To correctly assess events and your actions, it is important to trust your intuition. Trust that you have the potential to organize the life you desire. And also that you are able to make the choice that is best for you.