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Three Rules for a Woman's Confidence. What psychologists say Self-confidence training through positive thinking

Self-confidence is the quality of any person who wants to succeed in all areas of his life. The one who is self-confident is successful both in work, and in personal life, and in hobbies. Confident people are not hindered by constant fear: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “What will they think of me?”

How to gain self-confidence? Below we will offer some tips that will tell you how to become more confident in yourself. But first, get ready to understand your character, study and analyze your features. After all, self-doubt arises, among other things, due to the fact that a person does not realize or does not see his strengths.

What is important to know to become more confident

Most people feel insecure at some point. It's perfect normal reaction to an unfamiliar, unfamiliar situation that had never been encountered before. People do not want to take a step into the unknown, they try to think through and foresee everything, and this is normal.

However, for some, this feeling becomes permanent, paralyzing activity. This needs to be worked on.

First of all, it is necessary to include rational thinking. Shyness and stiffness often have no reason, relying only on thoughts from the category of “what if ...”, “what will people say? ..” Do not think about what they will say about you. Use logic.

Decide on your core values and goals. A life guide will help you go your own way, without being distracted by unnecessary fears. When a person sees the perspective of the most important thing, the rest recedes into the background. He doesn’t think “what if I fail?” - He does everything to succeed.

Examine your life, think about what could lead to such a state. Consider a few situations that are scary. What do they have in common? What causes them to disbelieve in their own strength? Find the reason on which this self-doubt is based.

So, here are a few ways to boost your self-confidence.

Self-confidence and self-improvement

Where does self-doubt come from and what does it mean? In most cases, a person either does not see his positive qualities, or does not concentrate on them, concentrating on failures and shortcomings. But when he realizes that there is something to respect him for, his self-confidence will increase.

Take a blank slate and write down your strengths. Feel free to write whatever you can remember. Do you read English without a dictionary? Helping a neighbor carry a heavy bag? Are you good at cooking? Do you arrive on time for any meetings? Write down everything, no matter how small it may seem. Then hang the leaflet in a conspicuous place and review it every morning. As soon as you find a new advantage, write it down to the rest.

Do the same work with the shortcomings, just write them out on another sheet. And in front of each, write down what you can do to eradicate.

Also, keep an eye on how you feel and record moments of indecision. Know when you are in good shape and can act decisively, and at what moments you should not appoint important negotiations.

How to boost your self-confidence now

But what if self-doubt right now is an obstacle? Suppose you urgently need to make an important call, contact someone, and there is no time to work on yourself. To gather yourself and gain self-confidence in a short period, use these methods.

Raise your head and straighten your shoulders. Self-doubt manifests itself in physical level- and at the same level it can be corrected. Pull your shoulder blades together as if you are squeezing something between them, lift your chin and straighten your back. If possible, do this in front of a mirror. You will see how the posture changes and what a confident person looks like.

Stand in front of a mirror and say, “I will. I can do everything. I have enough confidence to achieve my goal.” Repeat this several times until you feel that you believe what you are saying.

Breathe deeply. It calms and oxygenates the brain, helping it work. Self-confident people think rationally without giving in to emotions, so take this opportunity to get your mind in order.

Try aromatherapy. Carry with you essential oil- for example, lavender, which pacifies and puts thoughts in order, or citrus fruits - they refresh and invigorate. Also, in order to bring yourself into a balanced state, rosemary, sandalwood, and sage oils are excellent. Or try different ones and choose an individual one, the smell of which evokes pleasant associations and helps you get in the right mood.

An obvious but effective method is to watch a motivational video or listen to a peppy, dynamic track. They can be found, for example, in sports communities - people communicate there, by the nature of their activity, constantly overcoming self-doubt.

How to become self-confident: long-term methods

And what to do to make self-confidence fundamental? It will take a longer and regular set of actions. Here are some ideas.

Hang in your room a portrait of someone who is definitely not characterized by self-doubt. This may be an actor or TV presenter, a well-known public person, the hero of a book, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague. The main thing is a worthy role model that you want to strive for. And remember, even those who appear extremely confident have doubts and moments of weakness. The task is not to avoid such moments completely, but to learn how to cope with them.

Get a pet. It often helps to become big, strong, omnipotent and irreplaceable for someone. It is not necessary to start with a huge Rottweiler, which requires a special temperament from the owner - a small hamster or kitten is enough to start with. You will begin to watch how the pet grows, and along with it, self-confidence as an experienced and caring owner will begin to grow.

Keep a diary of your achievements. Each evening, write down three positive things that happened during the day. Have you decided on something that you have been putting off for a long time? Have you completed an important milestone? Fix it every night.

Those who use this method note the following advantages:

clearly shows personal progress;
motivates for new exploits - so that in the evening there is something to write down with a sense of satisfaction;
disciplines. The knowledge that in the evening you need to report to someone - even in front of your own diary - keeps you in good shape;
Regularly rereading your achievements lifts your mood and allows you to become self-confident.

Communicate more often. With close friends, co-workers or neighbors – engage in conversation, keep in touch. Be the first to speak and answer not in monosyllables, but in detail. Insecure people find it difficult to both speak and respond. But the more willingly they overcome shyness, the easier new attempts are given to them.

Reward yourself. Had a successful presentation at work or talked to your boss about a pay rise? Smiled at a person you like for a long time? Talked to a friend with whom you usually only say hello? These are already great achievements! They deserve to be noted. Buy yourself a small present or go to a cafe or cinema. You deserve it.

Learn and gain experience. This is not about refresher courses - although they are important. Learn from the people around you, adopt useful traits, draw conclusions from different life situations. Sometimes people make mistakes because they were faced with an unfamiliar situation and, out of surprise, they could not respond correctly. There is nothing wrong with using such mistakes as experience for the future.

Do what you fear. Skydiving with a fear of heights is too strong a remedy, such shock therapy is not suitable for anyone. But looking at the city at least from the sixth floor or taking a ride on a Ferris wheel is something that will help you become more confident. Gradually overcoming your fears strengthens both willpower and self-esteem.

Think about what you are afraid of and analyze: what exactly is frightening and unbearable? Are you afraid of losing ground under your feet, afraid of the unknown, or maybe you are too worried about the opinions of others? Regularly put yourself in such situations on the verge of the notorious comfort zone. Think of it as a kind of self-confidence simulator: at first it will seem difficult, but then it will grow and strengthen just like muscles in the gym.

Self-confidence training through positive thinking

Where can you get self-confidence from a complete pessimist? The one who constantly expects a dirty trick from life and sees the negative in everything? To feel self-confidence, you need to know that most problems are solvable, and in most cases you can always agree with others.

Find the source of your strength. It can be a place, a hobby, a pastime that will become an outlet, allowing you to escape from doubts and fears about the future. Any place where some strong and joyful event took place and where it is easy to return at any time, or at least a photograph of this place; an occupation that works well and behind which all troubles are forgotten - any outlet is good.

Do not think badly about yourself, and even more so do not say it out loud. Others read our self-perception, and as a result, they begin to relate accordingly. If you keep telling them about their shortcomings and fears all the time, they will be strengthened in the idea that they are communicating with the shackled and not confident person and such a belief will be harder to break. And if you convince yourself of your own negative qualities, then self-doubt will only increase. Don't give her a chance.

Limit communication with pessimists, " energy vampires”, which only talk about how bad things are. Perhaps they also experience self-doubt, or maybe in this way they want to improve their own well-being. Doesn't matter. You need to develop your confidence, and not feed other people's complexes.

If you cannot avoid contact with someone who constantly complains - work together, live nearby - try to abstract: put on headphones, or if this is not allowed, imagine a protective barrier around you and imagine how the complaints collide with it and break without causing harm . The main thing is not to let yourself be drawn into this stream of pessimism.

Look for friendly support from a loved one. Relatives and friends see our positive qualities and will be able to draw our attention to them, even if we do not notice our advantages or do not consider them significant.

And keep the faith in yourself with loved ones. We know that the more we give, the more we receive. Not to mention the fact that native people invariably expect this and appreciate it.

How to be self-confident: various psychological tricks

Above we talked about rational methods that can be understood by the mind. And what do experts in psychological techniques offer? There are a few specific methods that still work.

Try to draw your fears. What color, shape, who or what do they look like? Look them in the eye, get to know them. They become less intimidating.

Create an anchor. Remember a situation in your life full of confidence and stability. Imagine yourself in this state, remembering every detail - those present, events, weather and lighting, sounds, smells ... And then, when a whole picture is formed, make some strong, confident gesture that will be an anchor to this state: a clenched fist , any movement that symbolizes success and victory, or a short and strong phrase - for example, "Just do it!".

And better - a gesture and a phrase at the same time. Perform this ritual as soon as you need it, and feed your anchor - add new energetic situations to the picture of success.

Create an image of your ideal self. When in doubt, imagine what that person would do. Would she have given up? You are not perfect, and you do not have to constantly act like this fictional character. But comparison with the standard will help to quickly realize that it is not objective reasons that interfere, but only internal doubts.

Model the situation that you are afraid of and bring it to the point of absurdity. You have to leave work early tomorrow, and you have to ask a colleague to switch shifts. You do not dare: you think that he will definitely refuse, and also complain to the manager. Now imagine what would happen if you did ask him? How will he act?

A colleague will certainly be indignant to the core. He will bring to work a huge evil Rottweiler who will fiercely protect his personal space. He will publish in newspapers and show the story on television. He will report to the police and demand a special forces unit ... Imagine everything that your imagination can do until it becomes ridiculous: of course, dire consequences will not happen, in the worst case, the colleague will simply refuse.

Change old habits. Have you decided to become a different, self-confident person who has a different attitude to life? What else does this person do differently? Find one of your habits and change it. Of course, you should not change long-term useful skills, such as morning work-out. But try to do it to the music, or in another place in the apartment, or not in the morning, but in the evening. Or go to a new place for lunch, change your usual route, switch to an unfamiliar style of music.

Self-confidence and personal progress: killing two birds with one stone

Find a foreign partner to learn a foreign language. Increasingly, they practice such a method of improving oral speech as communication with a native speaker. There are special forums where you can meet someone from another country and communicate via Skype. You will not only improve your spoken English (or any other language), but also understand how to become self-confident.

It may seem difficult to start - the language is tangled, the simplest phrases fly out of the head, and looks into the webcam stranger... But this person, firstly, expects this and is ready for such a turn, and secondly, he himself is in a similar position. Your language is also foreign to him, which means that together you will understand each other's state, despite the language barrier.

Go in for sports. It will strengthen not only the muscles, but also willpower. Systematic overcoming of weakness and constant transition to a higher step in development is the most correct means. You will observe progress in the mirror, in well-being, in the feedback of others. Swimming, jogging, powerlifting or table tennis - choose something familiar or try something new. Start under the guidance of a trainer, he will tell you how to avoid mistakes and what program will be optimal.

Start a blog. Write down everything that comes to mind: the events of the past day, an opinion about a book or film, plans for the future. Post photos - of the cat, of the creative process, of the scenery on your way to work. Do not worry about the number of subscribers or their reaction. You are doing it for your own purposes, and if someone else likes it, fine, if not, it's okay. Just live your life and keep a record of it.

After a few weeks or months, it will be pleasant to return to memories, to some episodes of your pastime. In addition, after a while, progress will be noticeable. You will see that you have begun to write better, to express thoughts more clearly, to select materials more interesting. Look for articles on how to write well and do it like a pro.

Try your hand at creativity. There are many master classes on the Web - drawing, needlework, modeling, engraving, choose any suitable one - and go ahead! Few people succeed in their first attempt, but after all, there will be a second and a third after it. And the feeling of a finished thing, done with my own hands, nothing compares. Feeling like a creator of something new is exactly what you need to develop self-confidence.

Do not set goals from the very first attempts to produce a masterpiece - just enjoy the process and be aware of how something appears before your eyes that was not there before. And then, probably, these attempts will become a new successful hobby.

Get involved in charity work. The world is full of places whose inhabitants are much less fortunate. Children's shelters, nursing homes, overexposure for animals - help is always needed. You can provide financial support, you can contact volunteers and ask if they need help with a cause. You will do the world better, and it will definitely strengthen your self-confidence.

Self-doubt and its three indicators

How to recognize someone who is not too confident? The general appearance of the “gray mouse” is understandable: a hunted expression, clothes of gloomy tones ... But those who take care of their appearance are often given out by features that manifest themselves on the physical level:

handwriting;
gait;
manner of speech.

When wondering how to be self-confident, pay attention to handwriting. Perhaps it is very small? Are the lines straight or do they slide down? Do not be afraid to take up more space - even on a piece of paper.

Work on your manner of speaking. It has been noticed that self-doubt manifests itself in the way a person speaks: too quickly - as if he is afraid that they can interrupt, and wants to speak out as soon as possible - and not loud enough so as not to attract too much attention. Sign up for acting classes or just read aloud, record and listen.

Speech is an extremely significant factor: express thoughts in such a way that the listener realizes that they have weight. Regularity, intonation, voice timbre, clear diction - having achieved this, people usually become much more confident in themselves.

Watch your walk. Some insecure people walk too fast, as if they want to quickly jump through a dangerous space. Don't fuss. Carry your person with dignity. Look ahead and to your sides, not at your shoes. And remember about posture.

Your body can become a tool for gaining confidence. Use it. Increase speed: Do household chores or work tasks as quickly as you can (but not fussily). This will benefit the cause and help you stay in good shape. Do not allow sluggish movements, postponing for later - do it quickly and clearly and move on!

Self-doubt as a hindrance to business

Do you want to grow professionally, but are afraid to show the world your work? Stories or drawings, a portfolio of an IT specialist or a photographer - in any business, beginners, and sometimes even experienced professionals, do not know how to develop self-confidence. Its lack often turns out to be a serious obstacle to growth. Here are some tips for gaining confidence as an employee.

Ask for criticism. Even if it turns out to be unpleasant, it's better than worrying about the unknown. You will know where to grow and what to look for. And if professionals give a positive feedback- all the better!

Many can be frightened by the very thought of being criticized. To prevent outsiders from exacerbating self-doubt, remember what criticism you should pay attention to:

constructive - one that explains what exactly is wrong and what to pay attention to;
professional - from someone who really understands the subject;
expressed in a respectful way. Worthwhile advice is given by those who once started themselves and also went through self-doubt.

Find a mentor. Some professionals want to delegate some of their routine work to less experienced colleagues, and there are those who are willing to give advice to beginners. Communicate in thematic communities and forums - the more knowledge and life hacks, the higher your self-confidence!

Find someone you can teach yourself. The advice is the opposite of the previous one, but it works. In any business, there are those who are better, and those who are just starting. Perhaps someone else suffers more from self-doubt. You can help him - just find each other!

Don't be afraid to ask for advice. Some people are afraid to look stupid by asking others about things that for them are familiar and learned for a long time. But none of us is born an expert in one area or another, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn new things.

If you are hesitant to ask a question on a completely unknown topic, first study the material on the Internet, read a couple of articles and understand basic concepts and then ask about anything you don't understand. Professionals respect those who strive to develop, and are willing to help if they see that a beginner sincerely wants to develop.

Go to interviews. It's not scary if you give yourself a mindset: I'm not here to get the job of my life, I'm here for other purposes. You will show your knowledge, practice your business communication, show yourself as a potential specialist, and maybe even find a new interesting position!

Develop. Get new knowledge and skills. Attend master classes, study video courses in your specialty and learn related topics, subscribe to blogs of professionals. Draw a diagram - what you already know and what you have yet to learn - and supplement it as you gain new knowledge. The surest way to drive away self-doubt is to know that it is unfounded. There will always be doubts, but let them not interfere, but push you to grow higher.

Study not only materials in the specialty. You will become a versatile specialist if you have an idea about related fields. In addition, even in "foreign" topics, you can find something that will help you look at your specialty from a different angle, draw analogies. Learn more about the world, and you yourself will understand that there are no reasons or grounds for uncertainty!

How to set goals to become self-confident

To gain self-confidence will help the achievement of any important goal. But how to put it correctly so that even stronger self-doubt does not arise? Often people go astray and remain dissatisfied with themselves because they decided to achieve the impossible or did not figure out what, why and in what volumes they need.

Set deadlines. They must be reasonable - for example, it is impossible to learn foreign language from zero to advanced in two weeks or even two months. But to learn all the irregular verbs during this time is more than realistic. If in doubt, seek the answer from professionals.

Set the task as specifically as possible. How do you know that the goal has been achieved? In the case of irregular verbs, everything is easy - their number is known. In this case, the goal will look like "learn 150 verbs, their translations and declensions in a month." Everything is very clear and specific.

Make sure this task is relevant and important, and also - an important factor - that it will not cause harm. Another good example is training programs planned by days, in which the number of repetitions of the exercise increases every day, and at the end of the term the participant reaches impressive results. You can take such a program as an achievement of the goal: it's simple - everything has already been thought out and planned. But before embarking on such a program, you need to make sure that it will not harm your health.

Write a plan and get started, and when you reach it, feel free to write it down on your list. The realization that you know how to go to your goal and achieve success will definitely help you become more confident in yourself.

How to become a confident girl

For girls, the same methods apply as for boys. But there are some ways that help the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity to become self-confident.

Change the style. A new hairstyle, a different color of lipstick or shadows, a brighter and more open dress - all this makes you feel different, relaxed and free.

You should be comfortable in your new look, so don't make any drastic changes, such as cutting long hair– even if someone insistently offers. But don't be afraid to try! Spin around in front of the mirror, try yourself in the guise of a popular actress or movie heroine, and then come up with something of your own. Your personality can sparkle with new colors - change more often, try new things, find your own unique style.

Use bright colors. Cheerful orange will fill you with energy, green will tell you about love of life, and every girl knows about the impact of red. You don't like any of bright colors? Choose more sophisticated - turquoise, golden, coral. You don't have to throw away your favorite gray dress either, but liven it up with bright shoes, jewelry, or a neckerchief.

Do not choose cheap accessories. A handbag and shoes will add awareness to your weight if they are made of genuine leather. You will feel freer when you pay from a beautiful, sophisticated purse. And if finances don’t allow, just don’t forget to make sure that the accessories always look perfect, without spots and frayed edges. But still think about the contribution to becoming a confident girl. This will add success, and in the end it will cost more economically for the budget.

Make friends with cosmetics and perfumes. Use them to highlight your strengths and smooth out imperfections. It is not necessary to do a full make-up every morning, but a light daytime make-up and a good perfume trail are tools that eliminate unnecessary worries and help to be self-confident.

Do not compare yourself with the stars - singers, actresses, other public ladies. Remember that behind the picture in glossy magazines is the work of dozens of people: stylists, make-up artists, PR managers ... Photoshop masters, not least. Often a beautiful photograph is the merit of both the model and the retouching master, and the question “how to achieve such hair color, such smooth skin?” The correct answer is "using a photo editor".

People often look for someone they want to look up to, and if this helps them become better, this is only a plus. But do not despair if you cannot reach the level of famous people - remember how much is hidden behind the scenes.

Use the method from the old movie repeat in front of the mirror: "I am charming, attractive, self-confident." This mindset for success really works.

Don't pay too much attention to the opinions of others. Listen to those who you consider to be authorities who have achieved a lot, always show yourself as good as you can, but do not take every word said to heart, especially from strangers.

Sign up for dancing. Oriental or Irish, exquisite waltz or incendiary salsa - all without exception will improve your posture and figure, give you new skills and interesting acquaintances. Some dances - for example, tribal or flamenco - initially carry the philosophy of female independence and freedom, and besides, they do not need to look for a partner.

But consider the options for pair dances - do not be afraid to appear awkward in front of an experienced dancer: these people, in most cases, are happy to help beginners join their beloved world. You will forget about self-doubt!

Book a photo session with a good photographer. Look through several portfolios, find someone whose style you think is thoughtful and high quality. Chat with him before shooting - some photographers prefer to work with experienced and liberated models, but many are able and love to reveal in their work different tempers. You will see yourself in the pictures through the eyes of a person with good artistic taste and understand that you can look interesting and attractive.

Smile more. This is the easiest answer to the question of how to become self-confident, the fastest - and one of the most effective. Show openness and interest to others, and it will definitely come back. Be who you want to be.

How to become a confident conversationalist

Have a topic of conversation ready. Avoid politics, religion and gossip about mutual acquaintances - there are many other topics besides this. It can be a book read the day before or a TV show watched, a funny incident from life, new technology. Your hobby can become a broad topic of conversation - of course, if the interlocutor is also interested in it.

Listen to others, not yourself. When a person is focused on not saying something wrong, they don't follow the thread of the conversation and fail to open up fully. Instead, focus on what the other person is saying. You will gain a reputation as an attentive, appreciative listener and will not focus on how not to make a mistake, wasting extra energy on it.

Ask open-ended questions - those that require a detailed answer, which cannot be answered with "yes" or "no". The interlocutor will say more, and you can ask about the details or remember something of your own. Show interest in his story and enjoy the conversation.

Be sincere. Those who are confident in themselves are confident in their thoughts and express them boldly. Such people are not afraid of misunderstanding and criticism, because they firmly stand their ground, and also because in the case of justified and constructive criticism, they lose nothing. At the same time, don't let anyone confuse you. You have already decided on your goals and priorities.

Have your principles that you never give up and be flexible about what is not essential. Self-confident people are not afraid to show themselves, so their words do not diverge from their thoughts and life position.

What you need to know to be confident

Doubt is normal. It is impossible to calculate absolutely all the consequences of your actions. Even in the usual affairs, not to mention new and ambitious ones, surprises happen, and therefore all doubts before starting a new business, meeting or conversation are justified and natural. The task is not to not experience anxiety, but to do your job in spite of them. In addition, most of them are far-fetched and not connected with reality.

The state of confidence is not always stable - it can depend on the environment, health, weather, and even time of day. In the morning we are in good shape and full of energy, by the evening we have less strength left. Confidence can also decrease due to a quarrel in the family or trouble at work. But that doesn't mean you have to go with external factors. Self-confidence means being able to overcome your worries and move forward.

People are self-centered. They think first of all about their affairs and problems. They don't track your failures. Those who have had a chance to say a toast at the holiday will confirm this: having risen from their seats and looking around those present, you can see that half of them do not even look in the direction of the one who is so worried.

Someone pours wine, someone chooses a tastier piece, and someone put a stain on his shirt and is only busy with it. Life goes on as usual, despite all our worries. It would be a shame to worry about those who do not even realize it.

Nobody is perfect. You can't always do the absolute right thing. And others, too, so they do not have the moral right to evaluate and condemn anyone. You are not reduced to the sum of your mistakes and blunders. And when any troubles occur, they do not cross out our previous achievements. Just as they do not give other people the right to put themselves above the one who made a mistake, because tomorrow they may be in his place.

This does not mean that you should not strive for the best. Be as good as you can so that in any case you will be able to say: "I did everything that was in my power."

What not to do to be confident

And finally, a few bad advice". Let's go from the opposite: what is important to avoid in order to become self-confident?

Boost your confidence with alcohol. Yes, "drinking for courage" is a common solution to the problem. But we all know the consequences of this. And then, this is not a solution to the problem, but just doping, or crutches. Real confidence is developed from within, from the strength of the spirit, and does not come with chemicals.

Envy. Someone is more fortunate, and this person has more reasons to feel more confident. But don't compare yourself to him. You do not know the whole picture - maybe this person is hiding completely different problems. And then, thoughts like “of course, he feels good, he has ...” will not give anything, but will only absorb energy. You've probably heard this: it only makes sense to compare yourself with yourself.

Real self-confidence comes when the need to follow other people's success recedes.

Gain confidence at the expense of others. Some people follow other people's failures in order to gloatingly say “the same thing, but I would not allow this!” But this is not the path that will lead to success. It only fuels self-doubt. Why? Because those who follow others too much have neither the energy nor the desire to improve themselves. It seems to them that they are already good against someone else's background. Of course, this way of thinking has nothing to do with true self-confidence. Don't confuse self-confidence with self-confidence.

Trying to be better than what you really are. All attempts at boasting and inflated self-conceit are very clearly visible and, as a rule, do not add positive characteristics. You can always distinguish between someone who tries and really strives for the best, from someone who puts on gloss.

Look for the guilty. An authoritarian mother, a demanding father, an unbalanced first teacher - insecure people can name many reasons why it is difficult for them to show themselves. But all these reasons are in the past. Adults build their present and future with their own hands.

Those who are self-confident do not shift responsibility for their lives to someone else - they themselves can take responsibility for the weaker ones. Didn't your parents teach you how to make decisions? Learn for yourself. Don't know where to start? Try to start by becoming the master of your own destiny. You are able not only to temper your spirit, but also to become an example for someone.

Be afraid to make a mistake. Something didn't work? Get it another time. Have you been criticized? You, as an adult and self-confident person, will take this into account and do better. As you know, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. But you do: you grow above yourself, even if it seems that this is not so.

Go to an imaginary world. Above, we gave advice - imagine the ideal yourself, who always succeeds, who is confident in himself and always acts correctly. For some people, the warehouse of character has to fantasize, and pictures from an ideal world can significantly crowd out reality. Always remember that real life– here and now, even if it is not as good as we would like. If you catch yourself in colorful dreams, tell yourself: “in an ideal world it would be like this” - and live in the present.

Be overly critical. Do not forget to relax and praise yourself even for those achievements that you consider small. And if you have not shown yourself to the fullest as you thought it was necessary - well, but you are trying, fighting, and tomorrow a new day will come and bring a new chance to improve everything. You are already doing a lot as you walk this difficult path of building confidence in yourself. The main thing - do not go out of your way and do not give up!

Building self-confidence takes a lot of effort and a lot of time. Before taking action, it is worth determining the time frame for achieving the goal. They must be real.

To make it easier, it is better to write down the qualities inherent in a confident person. Such visualization will help to clearly imagine what should be Strong woman. The analysis of one's own "I" will also help in acquiring the core that self-confident girls need.

How to become confident?

Every woman wants to be self-confident in order to be paid attention to and reckon with her opinion. But you should understand that it will take a lot of time to change yourself. It is necessary to feel the inner and external changes.Therefore, you need to understand exactly what qualities are inherent in strong people:

strength of will;
inner freedom and independence;
purposefulness;
stress resistance;
determination;
education;
good self-esteem;
self-development;
focus on results.

The main thing is to realize that the result requires serious work on yourself. Perhaps, to achieve it, you will have to give up communication with certain people or the usual way of life. If there is a goal, it is worth achieving.

Before you start working on yourself, you need to identify the causes of uncertainty. It can be complexes from childhood, unrequited love or a failed career. When the reason is clear, you need to clearly analyze it, reconsider your attitude, since thoughts directly affect the perception of something. After reassessing the critical situation, it is worth starting to work on yourself. The first thing you need to pay attention to is the appearance. Any change of image gives self-confidence, brings something new to life.

A self-confident person always has a passion. That's why it's important to have a hobby. It can be drawing, singing, sports or knitting, it all depends on personal preferences. Career growth gives determination. If the professional status does not suit you, then you can set a goal to achieve an increase. A nice bonus will be not only pride, but also increased wages.

In most cases main reason insecurity is a problem in personal life. Therefore, it needs to be eliminated. Do not cling to a man who does not give strength. It is better to end a relationship that is dragging you down. Male attention and care can work wonders with any woman. With the help of the opposite sex, you can significantly increase your self-esteem. Frequent communication with them will help to stop being shy, increase the number of fans.

How to become a beautiful and well-groomed girl

External image

A strong woman is always different. Sometimes she is domineering and demanding, and sometimes soft and submissive. A girl feels confident if her appearance is perfect and internally she is in complete harmony with herself.

A strong woman must have clean skin on her face and body, healthy hair, stylish make-up, well-groomed hands and neat appearance. straight posture, grammatically correct speech and pleasant gestures will help to become self-confident.

How to love yourself

Differences

There are basic signs of self-doubt. They differ from the qualities of a strong and independent woman:

A confident girl behaves according to the above qualities. She knows her own worth, she is clearly aware of the possibilities and goals, she is looking for adequate ways to implement her ideas.

How to become attractive to men

How to overcome complexes?

Fear of criticism, ridicule from others, or unpleasant words often make people insecure. Human psychology is designed in such a way that any pressure exerts on him Negative influence. Over time, complexes develop in it, which further aggravate the situation. A person withdraws into himself, stops communicating with others and withdraws from everything. In such cases, you need to feel this condition in time and try to prevent it. For this, there are several tips:

1. Think less about fears and disappointments. Drive away negative thoughts, set yourself up for results and be more decisive.
2. Analyze your behavior. Every person has good and bad qualities. Therefore, it is worth considering and finding positive features character, and use them to draw attention to themselves.
3. Do not be afraid of communication. Each person brings a certain experience into the life of another. Therefore, the more communication, the less constraint.
4. Do what you love. Everyone has certain talents: someone knits beautifully, and someone sings breathtakingly. Any business in which a person is professional gives tremendous confidence and helps to develop.
5. Pay no attention to the opinions of others. Often people around speak unflatteringly for one reason - because of envy. Listen to criticism only when it is constructive. Need to be sure of own forces, sometimes seem self-confident, then other people will feel it and be respectful.

But the main thing is to praise yourself. For every step you take towards gaining confidence, you can reward yourself. When a girl loves her appearance, then everything will turn out easily for her and she will be able to conquer her fears.

It is impossible to achieve something without a precise formulation of the goal. Therefore, in order to overcome the fear of other people, to overcome excessive constraint, you can rehearse the exit, speech and gestures in front of the mirror. This will give you some confidence. No need to stand still and give up. You need to learn something new, increase self-confidence thanks to other people. The first step is to look at life with different eyes and try to change it. Any achievement is a stepping stone leading to the development of self-confidence.

Readers of my blog often ask me the question: how to become a confident person". In this article, I will answer this question.

Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal settings. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.

When you are good at something, and, at the same time, reality has repeatedly shown you that you really succeeded in this skill, you have less food for doubts about your ability.

If you have never had communication problems, if you have always been able to clearly articulate your thoughts, be interesting interlocutor and you always saw what good impression produce on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself, as an interlocutor.

But things are not always so simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.

I will give 25 tips on how to become self-confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one's own strengths, in one's abilities, in one's undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the process of communication, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, it is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.

In my advice, I will touch on all these components. I'm not going to break down advice in terms of how it relates to these several levels of self-confidence. After all, self-confidence is associated, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and will suit a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.

Nevertheless, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to the work on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.

Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!

When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice will not be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »

At the same time I was reading a book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me to awaken faith in myself. “… his doubts did not stop at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation…”

Some of my readers may think that my phrase will follow this: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”

No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me to finally be convinced of what I only guessed. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any undertakings. You can't always run away from them. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but simply to do my own thing, not listening to the voice of uncertainty when it interferes with me.

The fact is that in a lot of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. Just because you think you can't do something doesn't mean you won't really succeed if you put in your best effort.

If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be that way.

Doubt and confidence constantly replace each other. These are transient phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were sure of it more than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of strength, than in the evening, when strength leaves them.

Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of those emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this does not mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strengths. Sometimes you can just get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.

But in other cases, you just need to stop listening to this voice of doubt and act. Self-doubt is normal, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not get in the way of all your endeavors.

My point is that becoming self-confident is not the same as never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!

If you want to know, I still often doubt myself, but do I come across as insecure? If I stopped every time I had doubts, you would not see almost a single article on this site.

Tip 2 - Know the time when self-confidence leaves you

Pay attention to when, in what situations, you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find any pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to this.

For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, in my undertakings, in my words, in my thoughts just before going to bed, when I start to fall asleep. I'm already used to it, and when self-doubt visits me again, I meet her as an old acquaintance: "here they are, evening doubts, as usual."

I cannot say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I do listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a familiar emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am really wrong.

On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too much. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, therefore I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.

Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty visits you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, lower these doubts about the “price”.

Also use moments of "self-confidence" to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.

Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unfriendly comment on the site can kill for a while the confidence in what I'm doing in a matter of seconds. (True, this has been happening less and less lately. Not comments, but uncertainty.)

And at this moment, it doesn’t matter to me that I didn’t doubt anything a few minutes before. It also doesn't matter to me that reality has repeatedly shown me the correctness of what I'm doing.

People tend to overestimate the importance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to a global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that this has always been the case, despite all past successes.

At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your real possibilities and successes, without succumbing current state. Like “actually, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I have already achieved this and that.”

For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, which they have already written to me about, they regularly read it and leave grateful comments, someone thanks to my advice and learned how to cope with panic attacks, etc. d.

At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.

I recommend that you stop on the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (tiredness, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this condition passes.

And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, bound by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.

Tip 4 - Don't listen to people who say "you can't do it"

It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends, people you know. You expect to get support from them in your new endeavor, but often you get only a stoplight.

Some people are simply not able to dispel your doubts for the reason that they care about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.

You don’t think that you are the only insecure person, and you are surrounded only by self-confident people? Unfortunately, most people do not dare to do something bold and independent. They want to believe that if they can't do something, you can't either.

They secretly desire your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.

Imagine that you have decided to start your own business and you are consulting with a person who has been employed for most of his life. What advice do you want from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it did not work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this area, but continue to live ordinary life and go to work every day.

Therefore, consult about your undertakings with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take an example from them, and not from those who did not succeed.

Tip 5 - When in doubt, think about your "ideal self"

It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or a young man and ask him or her out on a date.

You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore it makes no sense to call him on a date and waste your time on this.

But, in fact, you are simply afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you know what fear is holding you back?

Form in your mind the image of the “ideal self”, which is not afraid of anything and which is always confident in itself. It is a perfect replica of yourself. Think about how it would have acted in your place? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?

But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you must do it. You are not perfect. But when you realize that ideal it would be necessary to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.

Learn more about the "ideal self" method in my article.

While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed”, “I’m not capable of anything”, “I can’t, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. It is up to you to determine whether you succeed or fail. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, then try again.

You are free people, and no innate qualities, character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the person you want to become by getting what you want from life. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself used to think.

Stop seeing limits where there are none. Do not be afraid of difficulties, just start acting.

The next few tips will address the problem of self-doubt in communication.

I already wrote about what I want to tell at this point in the article, and I will repeat it here again. Do not think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. They think of themselves most of the time, even when they pretend to listen to you.

So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you yourself think about it.

I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it for the following reason. If you learn to direct your attention to someone other than yourself, then your mind will be less perplexed to be afraid of opportunities and tormented by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what they think of you.

You will look at other people, have a dialogue with them. You will be distracted from your fears and see in other people much of what you did not notice in them before. You will realize that there are more similarities between you and other people than differences. And so there is no need to be afraid of anyone.

You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not painfully react to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.

So be patient with your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then just draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.

Making mistakes is human, there is nothing wrong with that.

The people around you most likely have a lot of flaws and weaknesses, even if they look very confident in themselves. No need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.

You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of bosses, women or men, colleagues. They are people just like you.

You should not go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct”. Such attempts, as a rule, speak of uncertainty in some of their qualities. When you are not too sure of your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.

Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, excessive assertiveness in communication can speak of internal self-doubts.

So stop showing off and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are by interacting with other people.

Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You do not need to seem better than you are, but worse than you are, you also should not seem. Everything must have a limit. Feel free to speak directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).

If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in these qualities. And when other people see that you are confident in yourself, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be sure of him.”

And if other people praise your qualities, then do not be embarrassed, accept their compliments, as if you deserved it. thank people for good words to your address.

Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised you to be yourself and not pretend, all the same, I recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.

First, it is beneficial to appear confident in yourself, for the reason that people become more confident in you. It is a fact that insecure people are less loved and respected.

Secondly, when you just pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. Indeed, very often feelings of insecurity, doubts are not related to your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following them, you take control of them.

Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, cheer them up. This will position the interlocutors towards you. And when people are located in relation to you, then it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.

Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts, if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.

Before, when I was an insecure person, I constantly kept something on my mind, not letting go of myself. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, but quite the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I was losing it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always at a glance.

On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak directly about them. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or criticized. I am not afraid to admit my own wrong, to give up my views if someone convinces me.

It is interesting for me to discuss with people on topics that bother me, to learn someone else's opinion, expanding my horizons.

When I speak about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to the general court, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And this action helps to be more confident in myself, because I put myself to the test of opportunity and face other people's opinions. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence flourishes!

Don't wait for someone to pour their soul out to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, you don’t need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with the interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will become frank with you. And when someone opens up to meet you, then your faith in yourself will increase!

Of course, appearance has some meaning, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉

Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of the interlocutors, do not make unnecessary gestures with your hands. Don't wrinkle your fingers, don't pick your lips, don't "eeeeee." Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, you will start to succeed.

Have a firm stance and unshakable views regarding some things. Do not rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, engage in long meaningless disputes (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).

This means having a solid, well-founded, deliberate position, a set of own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.

I am confident that I am doing the right thing by supporting this site and filling it with articles. I am convinced that there are benefits to meditation and many of the benefits are lost to people if they do not practice it. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their shortcomings. I am sure that every person .

I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based, and therefore I am confident in these words and actions. This confidence helps me keep doing what I'm doing. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it does not disappear anywhere.

Form your life position. Understand what you want from life. Consider your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind enthusiasm and rejection of other people's opinions! Keep a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on it!

State your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: "if you show diligence, then everything will work out." Realize how confident you are in this principle. Think like this: “The experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be sure of this principle. It doesn't matter what others say! Anything can be said!" Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then again return to your inner confidence, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.

You don't necessarily need to attend any special self-confidence courses. Why do this, why pay money when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?

Why do you need to train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?

You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!

Meet other people, go to meetings, collective events (better refrain from alcohol, why - I wrote in an article about). Apply the recommendations given by me in practice, watch yourself, be aware of your fear and insecurity. Try to figure out what things you're not sure about and why. What are you going to do about it?

- these are great free lessons business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary higher than your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the more difficult it is to justify that you are worthy of this money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will be strengthened.

A side effect of such training may be that you will find a better job for yourself for more money. Isn't it tempting not to pay for lessons, but to receive one yourself?

Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your real worth.

Of course, self-perception, emotional mood are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their dignity and learn to deal with doubts, as I wrote above.

But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something appears in a person that one can be sure of.

So develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. improve self-control.

Read more books of any kind: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.

Raise your professional quality. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.

Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. When you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you are doing better than others.

Think about what you are good at.

If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, see the return to your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!

Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, uncharismatic, and not smart enough, then it will always be so. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, as it will once again remind them of their "ineradicable" shortcomings.

But people with a growth mindset (qualities can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the mere fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine the faith of these people in themselves. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves, to become better!

Someone else's criticism is not a sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development purposes. Failures stop being failures, they become valuable lessons. Readiness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence form in people self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will not achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.

Therefore, I reminded once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!

I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. For what? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.

Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to reason like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I am weak in this, this and that. Some qualities I can improve, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It's okay, you can't be perfect."

Make a list of what you are good at and what you are not good at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something permanent, but as a front for future work.

Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not bother you at all.

If you believe that almost any quality can be developed (and you certainly can) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those situations in life that you were afraid of because of self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these situations in life are training in your personality.

Are you having trouble with communications? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.

Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're not good at it? There is only one way to learn this, and I think you can guess which one.

Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those features of your personality that you are not sure about. Learn new skills and put those skills into practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them, armed with a desire to develop. And then you will discover many more life opportunities than if you just sit with your hands folded.

If you don’t know how to do something, if you doubt your quality, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to implement, then, all the more, there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about what you can't change? Accept it!

Tip 25 - Don't Wait for Confidence - Take Action

This is the last and most important advice. No need to wait until you have no doubts and fears before you decide on something. You can wait for the appearance of this state all your life to no avail, without starting to do something.

Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold undertaking. And you will not be able to become self-confident until you begin to step over your fears, act against them, ignoring your anxiety and insecurity.

Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you have over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait for it to become easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will temper your character and it will become hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!

Not all girls have self-confidence, which often turns into difficulties for them in their careers and personal lives. Is there a way to acquire this quality if it has not been instilled since childhood?

Signs of an insecure person

Rapid, chaotic, or slurred speech. You are embarrassed to express your opinion, and if this happens, it is clear that you are uncomfortable. The doubtful intonation in the voice of a shy person and interlocutors makes one doubt her words. Distracted look. You rarely make eye contact and are generally uncomfortable with being looked at and afraid of eye contact. However, please note that when you look into the eyes of the interlocutor, then he has no choice, he also looks into your eyes. If you constantly look away, then the person has more opportunities in the meantime to explore all the shortcomings (fictitious or real) that give you self-doubt. Clumsiness. When talking, you do not know where to put your hands, how best to sit down and the like. Because of your chaotic movements, some objects can often fall, you touch the interlocutor with your hands or stumble out of the blue. Closure. Girls who feel insecure most often prefer to lead a secluded lifestyle. If this is your case, then it means that you are trying to avoid the company of unfamiliar people, and other people's attention, first of all, does not flatter you, but makes you tense. Too inconspicuous or provocative clothes. Most often, girls who would do well to gain more self-confidence prefer to wear things that do not attract much attention - they do not seek to emphasize sexuality or femininity, being afraid to look ridiculous. In more rare cases, there may be another extreme - the girl puts on defiant things, thereby trying to hide her complexes. If you notice any of these signs in yourself, then you probably need to reconsider your attitude towards yourself. Doubts that periodically overcome you interfere with a fulfilling life. However, the good news is that you can get rid of them!

How to learn to be more confident

1. You should find a hobby or occupation in which you can achieve good results. Think about what you have a predisposition to, and get on with it. Perhaps as a child you were good at drawing, sewing or dancing. Get back to this activity! A person who is successful in some area of life (hobby or work) is more confident in himself. 2. Do not ignore problems that you could have solved long ago if not for your insecurities. It would not hurt you to go to the dentist for a long time, but you are embarrassed, starting the problem more and more? You need to definitely talk to some unpleasant person, but you are trying in every possible way to delay this moment? There can be many such examples. Until you solve the problem that has arisen, it will remain in your thoughts, and, therefore, in your life. Get over your fear and the problem will remain in the gap. Many difficulties are solved in minutes, and instead you spend weeks and months worrying. 3. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. Others may treat you differently than you expect, solely because they are unaware of your sincere expectations. Feel free to speak out loud information about what you want from other people. Pre-formulate the thought in your head, say it to yourself several times, and then confidently and calmly voice it. 4. Deal with adversity with dignity. Having survived the betrayal of a loved one, faced with an illness or some kind of resentment, do not give up, but try to analyze the situation. Such shocks are not an occasion for depression, but for becoming stronger in the face of life's adversities. 5. Forget self-pity. You should love yourself, but don't be sorry. This feeling does nothing to improve self-esteem. If any trouble happened to you, you do not need to lament over your difficult fate, climbing even deeper under your “shell”. Sometimes resentment and anger at the fact that you are so ridiculously put in a similar situation can be much more useful and productive. 6. Take care of your appearance. It has long been no secret to anyone that what better woman looks, the more confident she feels. Probably, you have noticed more than once that, having made a successful hairstyle or buying a new thing that suits you, you feel differently. If such successful innovations in your appearance will occur regularly, then this will undoubtedly have a positive effect on your self-esteem. 7. Circle of friends. Note that the wider your social circle, the better for you. Frequent communication with the opposite sex will positively affect your personal life. Regularly in many cities, and perhaps in yours, there are events where you can meet other people - exciting excursions, trainings and master classes.

How to become a more determined and calm woman

A calm and self-confident woman often causes only respect and admiration. Is it easy to become such a woman? Fighting negativity. You must not give in to negative emotions. Suppress the habit of criticizing other people and becoming annoyed because of their attitude towards you. Think about what makes the offenders do this or that, what deep motives they actually pursue. Talk openly and calmly with the person who is causing you a negative reaction - find out exactly what he is trying to achieve. If possible, keep your meetings to a minimum. Stop being offended. Perhaps resentment is one of the most unconstructive feelings that are characteristic of children, but very strange for adults. In response to some act that offended you, you should not withdraw into yourself and move away from the person - explain to him that his act hurt you. Argument this. Learn to build a dialogue, conveying your desires through it. Control emotions. If you feel that you are on the limit, and you are having a hard time coping with your emotions, mentally collect your thoughts. If appropriate, just walk out of the conflict zone by telling the person calmly and without offense, “Let's get back to this conversation later. I have to go now". If we are talking about an impending quarrel with a stranger, then also try to turn off the conversation as soon as possible. Be calm. Even if there are millions of thoughts, doubts or indignation inside you, try not to show it outwardly. Breathe evenly using your diaphragm. Inhale slowly and exhale for a few minutes. Step aside and take a few deep breaths. Concentrate not on negative emotions, but on your breath.

Take a break. If something upsets or angers you, then find an opportunity to distract yourself from it. Take the example of Jane Eyre, and tell yourself what you will think about it tomorrow, or at least a little later. In the meantime, do something more pleasant for yourself - call a loved one with whom you enjoy talking, watch a good movie, go to a concert, etc. Do some sports. Many women and men involved in sports are much better than others in coping with their negative emotions. This is not surprising, since during training on simulators, wrestling, swimming or fitness, stress is significantly relieved.

When you need to be bold or self-confident

Of course, it’s great if you become a calm and reasonable girl, but often this is not enough for self-confidence. Sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate to others that you are capable of insolence. Do not confuse with hysteria! So when is it appropriate? 1 - Insult. If someone is clearly trying to hurt you more, then you need to make it clear to the offender that you do not intend to tolerate this. Learn to take a hit, and respond to outright rudeness in the same vein. Of course, you should not slide down to “bazaar showdowns”, it is advisable to be able to put a person in his place with one or two phrases, like: “It's none of your business”, “Your behavior is tactless” and the like. 2 - Disrespect. When a salesperson is deliberately ignoring you, when friends or relatives are obviously taking advantage of you, or when other similar situations of disrespect occur to you, you may well be insolent - once calmly and firmly stated what you think about the person. If this does not bring results, start avoiding communication with him. 3 - Game. Insolence and self-confidence can be used in completely harmless forms. It can be a playful conversation with a lover - and you and he understand that this is just flirtatiousness, and both of you like it.

What is the difference between arrogance and confidence

What can be called arrogance? Perhaps this is a violation established norms behavior for their own benefit. Let's define the signs by which you can distinguish arrogant behavior from confident.

The behavior of arrogant people

Ignoring established standards of conduct. An example would be climbing to the checkout window without a queue, borrowing some things without demand from their owner, and the like. Absence of shame. An arrogant person doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him. He does what is beneficial to him, without regard to the opinions of others. Tactlessness. Insolent persons almost always have their own opinion on a particular situation, which they are ready to express even against the will of other people. Own interests at any cost. If they need something, they will do everything to achieve it, while having “nothing sacred”. They may ignore the fact that their actions cause significant harm to other people, even if they are children or the elderly.

I will be bolder - I will become strong

In fact, by resorting to brazen behavior, you can quickly get some benefit, but later it can turn against you. The reputation of an impudent person does not paint anyone - such people cause irritation and a repulsive impression. Insolence has nothing to do with self-confidence, because the second is usually based on self-esteem, which is unnatural for arrogance.

What psychologists say

school years

cosmetic procedures

good quality

Lack of confidence is the most common problem among the representatives of the weak half of humanity. It's all about the existing complexes, which often migrate from childhood to conscious life. Uncertainty leads to difficulties in family relationships and career. The girl is forced to constantly doubt the correctness of her decisions. From here, the question becomes acute, how to become a self-confident girl and take a fresh look at familiar things.

Signs of an insecure person

Speech is slurred, chaotic, fast. A person is embarrassed to express his opinion in a circle of relatives or completely strangers. If he decides to do this, the speech looks crumpled, uncertain. Often, with the prevailing dialogues, doubt is felt in the voice, hence the opponents doubt the statements of the speaker.
Clumsiness. This sign is the best characterizes an insecure person. During the conversation, such a person cannot find a place for his hands, constantly straightens his hair, looks for a comfortable position, and so on. Clumsiness is manifested in the fact that everything is pouring out of the hands. Conversation with other people does not add up because you are too unfocused.
Absent-mindedness. Another sign of insecurity. A person cannot concentrate his gaze, darting from side to side with an absent look. A person who does not have self-confidence is afraid to look into the eyes of interlocutors. If this still happens, the look abruptly migrates to a different direction.
Lack of style in clothes. A person who does not believe in himself, roughly speaking, has no own opinion and style in particular. If the latter exists, there is no confidence in its implementation into reality. From here, a person rushes between too vulgar or, on the contrary, inconspicuous "gray" clothes.
closed behavior. A notorious or insecure girl leads a closed way of being. She rarely communicates with people, rarely goes to parties with friends, tries to avoid unfamiliar personalities. Attention from the side does not deliver flattery, but only makes you tense up.

There are many more signs of an insecure person, but the above are the main ones. If you notice yourself in them, use psychological techniques.

Step #1. Realize yourself

Realize your potential - the most effective way get rid of complexes and insecurity in general. Every self-respecting person must go through a difficult path on the way to a happy life.
Realistically evaluate your chances, highlight the areas in which you want to realize yourself. To find harmony, you need to do only what you like. Let the hobby bring moral satisfaction and money.
Do not listen to people who say that happiness is not about money. Yes, it's possible, but it's easy to think like that when you have a decent amount set aside in your account.
Money gives confidence. With them you get to know the world from a new perspective, you can travel more, eat expensive and delicious meals, dress well, study. Money opens up a lot of possibilities.
Analyze yourself, your character, profession, routine. If you receive a penny, change the field of activity, look for options to earn extra money.
Save up, finally, for a car, master a new specialty! Expand your horizons, do something that gives you goosebumps. Don't listen to those who doubt you.

Step #2. Strive for Confidence

Everyone has experienced self-doubt at least once in their life. Certain situations make you doubt your own abilities, while hands drop, apathy and depression begin.
It is important to understand that all this is only a certain event on the path of life. Black line white will end and begin, so do not get hung up on uncertainty.
Try your best to keep your dignity. Minor troubles should not unsettle, they are temporary. No matter what happens, no matter how ridiculous situations you find yourself in, keep faith in yourself.
There will always be doubts, but don't let them hurt your self-esteem. Fight adversity, look for ways to distract from problems. Meditate, read, exercise.
To reinforce your confidence, do what you are good at more often. Do you enjoy being on stage? Dare, set the class!

Step #3. Respect yourself

Without self-respect, it is impossible to become a confident person. Do not allow other people to speak badly about you, be able to express opinions and disagreements, say “No!” if circumstances so require.
Don't dwell on the flaws, everyone makes mistakes. Think of the qualities that have helped you succeed or overcome adversity.
Restore self-respect every day. Do not skimp on words of praise. Look for pluses in your appearance, character, behavior. Relive old talents and immerse yourself in a hobby.
Listen for compliments and don't be shy about them. People who say it sincerely deserve attention. If they said that you have a beautiful smile, so it is.
Did the boss praise you for stress resistance and composure? Great, you did a great job difficult circumstances. Take everything you hear into service and fix the compliments in your head.
Replay the accomplishments that made you feel proud of yourself. Graduated from the university with honors? Not everyone can do it! There is something to be respected for.

Step number 4. Hang out with the "right" people

Choose the right company. Do not associate with those who drag you down and talk too negatively. Surround yourself with kind, successful and positive people.
It is important that communication proceeds comfortably, without criticism and hypocrisy. If you feel that the person is not trustworthy, take him off your buddy list.
Get used to the attention from men and women in particular. Control yourself, do not "fall into the color" during compliments about appearance and other virtues.
Learn the art of holding your audience back with your stories. Try to be in the spotlight more often, take public speaking courses. Visit a psychologist to teach you how to communicate with people.

Step number 5. Look after yourself

It is worth remembering that you should always look amazing. This will give you 100% confidence. Keep in mind that combat makeup has nothing to do with it. It is important to pay special attention to the condition of the skin, hands, manicure and hair.
In order not to think about what you will look best in, you should choose a simple wardrobe, but with taste. Buy things that your ego demands. It is in this outfit that you will feel confident and comfortable.
Be individual. Do not rush to run through sales and buy everything in a row in the hope that you will sort everything out later. Such a move is the most erroneous. The wardrobe should be relatively modest, but comfortable and in demand.

Step number 6. Do what you love

Try to exclude and forget everything negative memories from life. Pull yourself together and pay special attention to what movies you watch, with whom you communicate, what you read.
It is worth limiting communication with individuals who doubt you and do not believe that you can achieve something. Believe me, once you go through this, positive, cheerful people will come to replace you and motivate you. As a result, you yourself will become such a person.
Try to devote more time to your favorite pastime, whether it be creativity or sports. Go to various circles and sections based on your interests. It is there that you will meet like-minded people and new friends.
Do not be shy, with time this feeling will pass. You will become a more confident and purposeful person. Try to open yourself in a new direction. Don't stand still and evolve. You are unique, don't forget that. Be that very ray of sunshine in a gray world.
Start small. For example, force yourself to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. Spend free time for sports. Walk more, go for a run. Avoid useless serials. Explore topics that have always interested you.
Stop wasting time sitting at your computer on the Internet. Try to extract only useful information. Parallel sports will soon raise your self-esteem. You yourself will not notice what you were 1-3 months ago. Become an individual.

Step number 7. Work on weaknesses

The main problem of insecure people is that they simply do not know themselves, their shortcomings and merits. Start solving the problem by examining your own personality. Thus, you will increase self-esteem and discover new opportunities.
The first step to achieve the goal will be thoughts put on paper. To do this, write down in your notebook 100 of your negative and positive qualities. In the column with disadvantages, make notes with what advantages you would replace them.
The next step is hard work on yourself. Each time with a new achievement, cross out the disadvantage that you replaced with dignity. Create a special notebook of success, in which you can record the difficulties you overcome every day.
This method is very effective, this is the right way to become a confident girl. In difficult life times, you can always remind yourself what you have already gone through by rereading the same list of achievements.

Don't focus on mistakes. Every person in life faces unpleasant situations. To cope with problems, it is worth treating everything with humor. Thus, you will not have the desire to fall through the ground. You will be confident in yourself and much easier to endure stress.
Be responsible. To become a confident person, you have to muster up the courage and answer for what you have done or said. Do not doubt yourself, if you try, you can turn the situation in your favor. So you can establish yourself in the eyes of others, people will understand that you have changed for the better.
Demonstrate your ability. Each person is unique in their own way, for sure you have abilities and talents that are different from others. Believe me, they are there, no doubt. Try to focus on this and break the walls around you, in other words, stand out from others.

Many girls want to gain confidence in themselves so as not to remain among the gray mass. To achieve the desired results, you need to follow simple tips. In this way, you will gradually reveal your personality and potential. Believe me, at first glance, minor changes can seriously change your life for the better.

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