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How to stand up for yourself tips. Verbally passive offensive behavior. Your path to self-assertion

Standing up for yourself can be very difficult if you're used to letting others do things their way or if you're used to pleasing everyone. If you constantly give in to others, it is very easy to lose yourself. Standing up for yourself is a way to get other people to respect you and stop manipulating you. Forgetting old habits of self-deprecation and gaining trust to stand up for yourself will not work overnight, but small steps need to be taken now.

Steps

Believe in yourself

Feeling confident in yourself is the first step in developing the ability to stand up for yourself. If you do not believe in yourself and are not confident in your abilities, why should others respect you?

• Surrounding people very quickly notice a person who is unlucky and lacks self-confidence, and this makes him a very convenient target. If you're confident, people won't be able to easily offend you or think you're weak.
• Confidence comes from within, so do things that make you feel better. Learn something new, lose weight, repeat daily life-affirming installations. Change will not be instantaneous, but confidence will definitely come with time.

1. Set goals for yourself. Goals give you a sense of the importance of what is happening, a sense of control over your own destiny, and help you find out what you really want. And this knowledge is an important part of the ability to stand up for yourself and not let other people wipe their feet on themselves.

   • Motivate yourself ambitious but achievable goals for the next few weeks, months or years. The goal can be anything: promotion, excellent grades in school, participation in a marathon. It is important that the achievement of the goal strengthens your belief in your abilities.
   • When you reach your goals, look back, think about how much you have accomplished. Make a promise to yourself not to return to the state of dissatisfaction with yourself that was characteristic of you in the past.

2. Be positive. Your attitude towards life influences how other people perceive you and how you perceive yourself. Your attitude sets the tone for your voice, the quality of your thoughts, and is reflected in your facial expressions and body language.

   • Remember that this attitude is contagious. If you are sociable, joyful and optimistic, you will make the people around you the same: they will love themselves and the world. But if you are gloomy, pessimistic and see everything in a black light, you will infect everyone around you with this negativity.
   • People like to associate with those with whom they feel interesting and important. A person tends to listen and respond positively to the words of those who love life.
   • We are more likely to stop communicating with a person who behaves like a fearful doe or victim. Try to be an optimist, and it will be much easier for you to fend for yourself.

3. Stop seeing yourself as a victim. If you think you are a victim, you do the opposite what you should do: you run away from responsibility for the current situation and blame someone else for your problems.

   • For many people, the reason for not being able to defend themselves lies in the fear of being rejected or ridiculed, as this has already happened in the past. Taking such an experience to heart and hiding in your shell, you will perceive yourself as a victim, which means that it will be more difficult for you to stand up for yourself.
   • If unpleasant things have happened to you in the past, try to talk about it with someone you trust. This will help you understand the root cause of the victim's psychology and work through it instead of hiding behind it.

4. Love your physical body. You don't have to look like the people on the glossy covers, but your looks do matter. A fit and healthy look will give you self-confidence, which will still come in handy.

   • Find an activity that you enjoy (for example, power training, running, dancing or rock climbing) and immerse yourself in it. This will not only improve your well-being and figure - you will have fun doing your hobby, and this will make a person satisfied with his life.
   • Try martial arts or take self-defense courses. The philosophy of martial arts will boost your self-confidence and the moves you will be taught will help you hold your own in a fight.

   assertiveness

   1. Act decisively. Decisiveness and assertiveness important conditions ability to take care of yourself. This is not a banality. By becoming a determined person, you are more likely to achieve what you want.

      Read the literature on how to say "no". Learning to say no is one of the hardest but most important steps in protecting yourself. If you're the kind of person who always says "yes" for fear of upsetting other people, you run the risk of becoming someone who gets kicked and taken advantage of.

      • For example, if your boss asks you to stay late at work when your colleague leaves at 6:00 pm sharp without any problems, it can be very difficult to refuse. But if this extra work interferes with your personal life and relationships with loved ones, you need to learn to stand your ground. Do not put the interests of strangers above your own - learn to say "no" when necessary.
      • The ability to refuse will allow you to stand up for yourself not only with people who threaten you, but also with friends. Think of the buddies who lend money and never pay it back. Decisiveness will help you ask for a refund and refuse to give money next time, while maintaining friendship.
      • People may be unpleasantly surprised, but they will have to get used to your new behavior. It is possible that they will even respect your new quality.

   2. Watch your non-verbal cues. The way you stand, walk, and sit conveys certain information to those around you. Positive signs will attract the respect of others, consent, trust, and negative signs (stooping, the desire to close and hide) are practically an offer to take advantage of you.

      Practice protecting yourself. Many shy people find this difficult, but that's okay. You need to train more, and soon you will become more determined, and your opinion will be listened to.

      • You may refuse to defend yourself just because you can't say what needs to be said at the right time. Write down possible phrases for difficult situations and practice saying them using the timer.
      • Ask a friend to help you: let him play the role of a difficult person who threatens you or humiliates you. Set a timer for two minutes and start practicing answering him. Keep practicing until the phrases bounce off your teeth.
      • You can also train Everyday life. For example, if the barista mixes up your order and serves you the wrong coffee you asked for, politely say, "Sorry, I ordered a coffee with skim milk. Could you change it?" Soon you will have enough confidence to handle more complex tasks.
   3. • If a person upsets you with their negative outlook on life, do not communicate with him. Begin to politely but confidently move away from him. Don't feel like you have to explain to these people why you don't want to spend a lot of time with them.
      • Avoid people who like to insult others, sullen people and people who like to hone their sarcasm on you. You get nothing from communicating with them. Besides, letting them bully you doesn't do them any good either.
      • Remember that the desire to stay away from the sources of problems does not mean that you run away from these problems. This important step because it helps you understand that you won't let others negatively influence your life.

   Conflict resolution

   1. Defend your position calmly and competently. Fight off verbal attacks; don't let yourself be attacked, provoked or forced out. Know how to defend yourself when they try to piss you off, ignore you, or even threaten you with physical violence.

      • Don't stand silent - it's much better to say what you think. Even if the end result remains the same, you can prove to yourself and others that you will not tolerate disrespect.
      • More often than not, a polite and clear explanation of the inappropriateness of a comment or another person's behavior will be enough to make that person understand that this is unacceptable, especially if many other people are present. For example: "Sorry, now it's my turn, and I'm in a hurry just like those who want to jump the line."
      • Don't whisper, mumble, or speak too fast. Tone of voice and speed of speech is an important part of the explanation you want to give and your self-confidence.
      • Of course, how you will protect yourself depends on the situation, and if someone behaves unpredictably, consider your own safety.

   2. Don't be aggressive. Do not resort to aggression in an attempt to protect yourself. Aggression and cruelty are unproductive, they will not help you win other people over to your side.

   3. Avoid passive aggression. Give up passive-aggressive reactions to people's actions and difficult situations.

      • Passive-aggressive responses are actions that you perform against your will, as a result of which you accumulate anger, hatred towards the people for whom you experience these feelings, depression and a sense of helplessness.
      • It renders negative impact on your relationship and can undermine your physical and emotional health. But the main danger lies in the fact that such behavior will prevent you from protecting yourself.

   4. Try to turn weaknesses into strengths. The ability to turn negative comments about you into something positive will help you. If you start doing this with all attacks, you will see that they are usually caused by envy and self-doubt. For example:

      • If someone thinks that you command others a lot, take it as proof that you are a natural leader, that you are good at working with people and managing projects, and are committed to change.
      • If someone calls you shy and indecisive, take it as a compliment: you don't make quick decisions because you prefer to think through all the consequences first.
      • If someone considers you to be an overly emotional and sensitive person, you should rejoice, because this is a sign that you have a big heart and you are not afraid to show it to other people.
      • You may be told that you devote little time to your career. Let this be proof that you prefer to give up unnecessary stress because you want to live long.

   5. Do not give up. As much as you strive to increase your self-confidence, there will be days when you will feel like you are returning to where you started.

      • Do not take this as a defeat - consider that these are just small deviations from the plan before a big leap forward. The following tips will help you:
      • Pretend if it's hard for you. If you're not getting to feel confident in yourself, act like you're completely confident in your abilities.
      • Be consistent. People will eventually get used to the fact that you can stand up for yourself, and will always expect this behavior from you.
      • Remember that someone may not like your new behavior. It will take time for you to reconnect with the people who used you. With some people, you may no longer be able to communicate, so do not try to hold on to what is leaving.
   • Speak in a confident, firm voice. Try to talk like a person who knows his worth. This will allow you to convey your thoughts to others.
   • Love yourself. Don't blame yourself for being scared. Remember that in time the fear will pass.
   • Don't yell at people - this will intimidate them and give them more reason to laugh at you or make things ridiculous so that everyone knows that you've lost your temper. Even a frightened person will react sharply to a cry.
   • Smile. If you are not afraid, you smile, which tells people that you are not afraid.
   • Don't let the past weaken your faith in yourself, because you still need it.
   • Think about everything you want to say in advance.
   • Be a brave person and don't listen to other people.
   • Don't overdo it. It's one thing to stand up for yourself and let everyone know that you are a strong person, and quite another thing to embarrass yourself by trying to prove it to others.
   • Do not think that you are worse than others - consider that you are all equal. Tell other people things that make them happy. If you say it firmly and unequivocally, people will perceive you as a person with an opinion.
   • Rely on friends and loved ones when you feel like you can't do it alone. You don't have to fight alone.
   • If you have any doubts, think it over later. Do not try at any cost to express your opinion, because doubt will make you stumble. You will have time to think things through.
   • Remember that the phrases "can't stand up for himself," "trying to please everyone," "passive-aggressive," "putting himself in someone else's shoes," "seeking to control others," and others are indicative of codependency. If these phrases apply to you, look for literature on how to get rid of addiction and become a free person.
   • Try to mitigate the effects of difficulties. Difficulties happen to everyone, and only our reaction to them can change something. Take action - it can be no more difficult than the decision to refuse to take all difficulties to heart. However, for most people, it is important to work through all the problems so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
   • It is important to want to change how other people perceive you and how you behave with them. If you are tired of being a rag to wipe your feet on, stop trying to please everyone, do not be afraid of other people, refuse to comply with all the requirements of others, and you will be ready for change.
   • Forgive loved ones for the bad things they did to you. It is much easier to tell someone about your problems at a difficult moment if you do not feel resentment.

   Warnings

   • Do not say out loud the phrase: "I need to fend for myself." This will tell people that you are still training. Don't let them get caught up in it - try to impress on them that you are already confident enough in yourself.
   • Don't worry if someone sees your determination as a desire for conflict. You can suggest to others that they should change their attitude towards you, but you do not have to explain yourself, apologize or think about the opinion of others all the time. Life is yours, so don't be afraid to protect yourself!
   • Don't try to fit in with people who want to change you. Find people who accept you for who you are and see if you can consider them your friends.
   • Your enemies can be people who themselves lack self-confidence. You will understand what is bothering them, because they are a reflection of you, but this is not a reason to let them use you. Help them understand how they can change their behavior, but never keep the communication as it is at the moment.
   • These are just guidelines, not rules. Everyone writes the rules for himself, based on his experience and preferences. Take from the article what applies to you and discard everything that is contrary to your nature.

Stand up for oneself and defending one's position in many cases is not easy, and some people perceive criticism of their superiors or an accidental remark by a colleague as very tragic, so how to take care of yourself at work

Hearing criticism addressed to them, some people will freely give up and go on with their own business, thinking that the authorities once again amuse their pride. But some people after the remark feel as if they were run over by a train.

Why is this happening?

Perhaps these are inability to defend one's positions or overestimated self-esteem, or perhaps you just need to accept the fact that the authorities are obliged to keep their employees in good shape, and do it the way they can. It will take many people a long time to recover from such criticism, but you should think that perhaps you yourself criticize yourself much more than your bosses. One part of your personality tends to feel good about yourself and appreciate yourself, while the other part of you is constantly criticizing and editing you. And when more criticism joins from the outside world, a kind of chorus of voices arises, which you are not able to react to and enter into a stupor.

How do you teach yourself to stand up for yourself at work?

The most important thing is not to be afraid to make mistakes, you do not need to count and be sure that each work will be positive and successful. Try to build relationships at work from this position. We are quite objective and have the opportunity to realize how we correspond to the chosen position, which in particular we occupy, the ability to find compromises in everything and try to act independently. You can not exist only one job and family. Try to make time for yourself. Go to Gym, buy a subscription to the fitness center.

Why do we often take offense at loved ones, get angry at children, cannot understand colleagues and partners, and at the same time they are angry with us, do not understand us, are offended. Perhaps, when communicating with other people, we come into contact with them and act without realizing it. Either we behave like a child, relying on the desire "I want", then as a parent from the position of "should", then as an adult, resorting to an objective analysis of reality.

When interacting with a certain number of people, each of which arrives in one of the three personal states of its own "I" ( Small child, thoughtful parent or adult). A "transaction" is a unit of communication, the component of which is the impact of one person and the possible reaction of another. Transactional Analysis will help in the ability to stand up for yourself, help to liberate the child inside you, re-evaluate the position of the parent and strengthen the important role of the adult. And it will also help you learn to find and apply one of the three states of the inner "I" while using it in communication, and the ability to switch from one state to another, moreover, only at will, this way of switching personal states will help to stand up for yourself at work.

Start with self awareness. You should not apologize everywhere and in a row when criticizing or conflicting. You should sign up for suitable seminars that will help you stand up for yourself, maybe read a couple of books on the subject. This will help you express your opinion clearly and at the same time do it with your head held high.

Always think positively, no matter what you have been told at work or how much criticism you have received from your superiors. Try to remain always in a calm state, the balance within you will help you stand up for yourself in any situation. Try to learn how to defend your own opinion in the water area you have chosen, gradually transferring it to other areas of your life. Tell yourself that you learn to take care of yourself at work, you will cope with this problem, and you will definitely achieve what you want!

Question to a psychologist

How to stand up for yourself at work and in the digs? Having listened to the advice of psychologists, I try to respect myself. Now, in conflict situation I feel more dissatisfaction with the aggressors. What gives more energy and desire to fight back, which affects the actions. But still, it is impossible to stand up for yourself to the end. There remains some sense of guilt, as if - "he is the aggressor" has more rights in life than I do. Probably the reason - a strict upbringing. There was a strict older brother who, as a child, treated me harshly and even cruelly. They talk about this type of upbringing, but he grew up as a man. But I'm sick of being obedient and executive. I will need to create a family and be respected for a wife and an example for children, and a lifestyle - a driven doll - will not allow me to become strong. Moreover, the lack of freedom and lightness, fetter and interfere with building relationships with the opposite sex. And in general, in the age of freedom, to be obedient and executive is not so right.
But I try to protect myself. And I think it's right. I'm not going to let someone, for example, yell at me.
Here at work - the boss, reminds me of my older brother. A person who, due to his desire to constantly control every step, allows himself to get nervous and give out "... dulins." Which I really don't like. Another joint at work and a premonition of tomorrow's showdown, led me to you, for your advice. I confess my guilt. But besides me, at least two other parties (including the boss) are partially to blame. But the boss allows himself to weigh everything on me and ask me too (maybe it's my own fault for letting him hang so much on me?). I don't want to be yelled at like a child. In general, I consider such relations unacceptable. There must be respect and respect for the distance. I can quit my job (I REALLY WANT IT!). But I'm afraid to substitute without completing the work. Perhaps the reason for this, too, is a strict upbringing.
Tell right action? How to defend yourself? Protect? I am very much afraid. Although I am 27 years old. I want to start a family. And the family will need to be protected.

Hello Alexey. You asked a question, of course, an interesting one: "How to stand up for yourself at work and in companies?" You are looking for different reasons. For different reasons and answers will be different. I highly recommend you not to look for reasons, but to understand (feel, see, hear): WHAT DO YOU WANT instead of what is now?

Something tells me that you need to go to a psychotherapist and deal with ideas about yourself, your "I". Then your behavior will change. They will stop attacking you, picking on you, and offending you. And then, you write, how you are constantly preparing for the "war".

My third recommendation may answer all your questions: "Why is this happening to me?" If you succeed (I think that the help of a psychotherapist is desirable) to change the attitude: "I am bad, others are bad, the world is bad" to the opposite, then you will be happy, Alexey, great happiness. And everyone will run to be friends with you, to protect you and life will change.

Perhaps other actions can be suggested. The bottom line is that "what's in your head, so in life." Find time, money and work out images of yourself with a specialist.

I wish you success and prosperity.

Kamyshev Konstantin Anatolyevich, psychologist, Omsk

A person who can stand up for himself commands respect. Whoever is able to protect himself will be able to protect his neighbor.

The ability of a person to stand up for himself always earns respect from others. He is respected, a little afraid, appreciated and always take into account his point of view. Not a single event will ever pass by him, as he carefully controls everything to which he has or may be related. He will never allow himself to be offended, he will never allow anyone, even close person, offend oneself, harm, frustrate one's plans. He is always, regardless of place and time, able to defend his interests. This is exactly what every self-confident person with an active life position should do.

Let's look at someone who does not have this quality. Such a person will never achieve what he wants, he will not be able to make a career, he will not make a profit, he will not achieve his goals. The reason for this is that all this requires the ability to defend one's rights, to defend oneself from the attacks of envious people, to resist slander and slander, to be able to fight back both in a verbal skirmish and in a real fight.

Each of us daily faces a similar need and feels the need for our own physical and moral strength. However physical strength we have to use in a minimal amount, while the power of the word and psychological impact- almost constantly. Even in communication with those closest to us, our family, we cannot avoid this, because our parents, our children, husbands and wives are trying to influence us, put pressure on us, teach us how to live, etc.

Moreover, we need the ability to defend ourselves at such moments when we are away from home: at the workplace, in public transport, at an educational institution. Here, being surrounded by people who feel no less need for promotion than we do, we should constantly declare ourselves, competing with others, prove our case, demonstrate our abilities and talents, and do this the best way it is possible precisely in the process of protecting oneself by defending own opinion, resorting to the ability to prove that the ideas that were proposed by me are more progressive, interesting, economical and more credible.

Since childhood, we are accustomed to opposing our personality to all the people around us. Our interests inevitably collide with the interests of others. At first, they may focus on the problem of division of toys and place in the sandbox, then the competition moves around the championship in the class, success with members of the opposite sex, positions and the amount wages. And in any of these cases, we are forced to use certain means of self-defense. Therefore, the earlier a person gains an understanding of the need to protect himself and the faster he masters the basic methods of protection, the less painful and more successful his progress in life will be.

On a horse in full dress sits a knight. In one hand he holds a spear, in the other a shield. He keeps his posture. There are many bodies scattered around the knight, they lie mixed on the ground nearby. None of the enemies survived.

There are many examples that can be used to prove the validity of this law. It is enough to recall any of the huge number of cases that have occurred in our lives, when we were able to defend our point of view, prove our case, convince someone of our own innocence, and the provisions of the law will immediately take effect.

An example confirming this law is the story from the life of an American teenager Jeremy Sniers, who, having got into an unpleasant story, was able to stand up for himself and protect his loved ones from troubles.

Eleven-year-old Jeremy accidentally witnessed the murder of a major banker who was laundering mafia money in his bank. The boy, who was in a state of shock, fled the scene, leaving traces behind him, by which his presence was soon discovered by the police. However, among the policemen there were henchmen of the mafia, and the fact that the boy was an eyewitness to the crime became known to the killers. They decided to kill the child in order to deprive the only witness of the crime of justice.

Jeremy, despite his still very young age, very quickly realized what was threatening him, and decided to find himself a protector. He knocked on the door of the first law office he met, and a thin woman came out to meet him, asking what he needed. He, deciding that this was a secretary, asked to call a lawyer. The woman replied that she was the lawyer. The boy told her his story, and the brave Cynthia Melmon decided to defend the boy in court.

At this time, the mafia was already watching him, and a corrupt policeman was sent to the child, who was supposed to scare the teenager and silence him. The boy was very frightened and did not dare to confess to the lawyer that they came to him. Instead, he asked for his younger brother and mother to enter the witness protection program. But the prosecutors, who wanted to make a name for themselves in this high-profile case, did not want to hear about how to protect the boy's family from mafia persecution.

Realizing this, the lawyer decided to go for broke and present Jeremy on live TV program "Servants of the Law", where she intended to expose predatory and greedy prosecutors. However, the mafia, having learned about this, made an attempt to kill the boy. He miraculously survived and was forced to confess to his protector that he had been threatened. And only then did they have a strong argument for demanding protection for the child's family. The court recognized the demand as fair, and the prosecutors were forced not only to provide asylum to Jeremy's mother and brother, but also to protect the boy himself. Soon he was a successful witness in court and left his home state while under the witness protection program.

Another example of the correctness of this law and the fundamental need for each person to stand up for their own rights and defend themselves is the story of David Sherman, a surgeon from San Francisco, who was unjustly accused of killing his wife.

This well-known cardiologist in his city was developing the latest drug, the action of which was supposed to stimulate the work of cardio-vascular system. Several colleagues helped with this project, including David's close friend, Charles Christopher Lembon, MD, M.D. Suddenly, the research was interrupted by a message: Sherman is suspected of killing his own wife.

The circumstances were as follows: returning from a reception arranged on the occasion of the announcement of the imminent completion of research on a new drug, Sherman entered the house, went up to the second floor and went to the bedroom. Suddenly he heard groans, the noise of falling objects and hurried to see what was happening. Entering the room, he saw his wife, still alive, lying in a pool of blood, and the shadow of a man in a black mask glided behind him. Sherman tried to catch up with the criminal, but the groans of his wife stopped him. He tried to save the woman, but it was too late. She died in his arms. However, at the same moment a police car drove up to the house, and the doctor was arrested without listening to explanations. As it turned out later, someone called the police and said that the doctor decided to deal with his wife.

Sherman was tried and sentenced to life in prison. All the evidence pointed to him, but the phone call played a special role, although the caller was never found. Not wanting to spend his remaining years in prison, the brave doctor escaped on his way to prison and began to independently investigate the murder of his wife. He worked through all the circumstances of the tragic evening step by step and came to the conclusion that the culprit of what happened was none other than his own. best friend Lembon, who decided to remove the inventor of the miracle drug of its real creator from the path to glory. Having let the police know who the real killer of his wife was, and providing the obtained evidence, Sherman achieved rehabilitation and regained the glory of not only a high-class doctor, but also an honest person.

As the data of biology show, the most viable of all living beings are those that can withstand the onslaught of others, restrain aggression, and respond with blow for blow. It is these individuals who survive in the difficult struggle for Sun rays, water, food, while weak beings, who for one reason or another do not have the opportunity to respond to aggression, die, clearing the way for stronger and more viable ones.

Each of us wants to become a knight in shining armor, the mere sight of which would be able to discourage strangers and enemies from attacking and fighting. After all, is there anything more pleasant for the soul and heart than the consciousness that they are afraid of you (according to the saying, being afraid means being respected). The ability to stand up for yourself is useful in any business. However, is it so good to always fight back, to respond with rudeness to rudeness, to see in every person a potential enemy and adversary? Of course not.

Indeed, we would rather communicate with a person who knows how to forgive an unsuccessful joke, ignore a claim or a remark that is not expressed too correctly, easily forgets insults, than with one who responds with rudeness to any word, even if it did not contain a hint of resentment. , in a hurry to snipe in response to a remark, will never be silent, having heard criticism addressed to him, is able to offend even a close friend if he allowed himself to say something about him. Therefore, instead of constantly maintaining a craving for aggressiveness, isn’t it better to look at the world with different eyes, understand the people around you, see their kindness and benevolence, find in each of them attractive aspects that are more important and valuable than random insults and quarrels? .

Anyone who seeks to see only the bad in people, who cannot calm down and simply start living, who is firmly convinced that human beings are evil by nature and cannot restrain their animal manifestations, can be attributed to the followers of the old Latin saying “man is a wolf to man ". Such people believe that not only all the creatures around them think only about harming, hurting, striking, but they themselves are always ready for similar actions, because they cannot relax, constantly waiting for trouble.

Gradually, they turn into heartless animals, getting used to the idea that the world is cruel and fraught with only evil. When meeting someone for the first time, they already know that nothing good should be expected from this meeting, and all subsequent communication only justifies their worst expectations. However, in reality this is not because people are actually evil, but because this person himself wants to see them evil and therefore actually makes them so. After all, the world is the way we see it.

At a time when Rus' was still being built, in one of the cities famous for its artisans and merchants, there was no governor who could stand at the head of the army and lead a squad against the enemy. This did not really upset the inhabitants of the city, since they did not seek to fight with anyone, preferring a peaceful way of life. But the inhabitants of neighboring cities thought differently, and they decided one day to conquer a free and rich city of artisans and merchants. Upon learning of this, civilians decided to invite a governor from a neighboring principality, who could protect them from enemy attacks. But not a single military leader agreed to this, fearing wrath strong opponents. Then one of the residents free city took responsibility for fellow citizens, stood at the head of the army and defended the homeland from enemies.

We must teach our children to live in this world!

We can't lay a straw for every step a child takes, but we can teach a child to be patient and act confidently with a few rules that will help them stand up for themselves in a difficult situation.

Every child will have to face situations when it will be necessary to defend their rights and point of view, to show courage and perseverance. Do not allow yourself to be teased by an offensive nickname, refuse the offered cigarettes or alcohol, do not laugh with everyone at a new classmate, protect yourself from the aggression of another child. We can't lay straws on every child's step, but we can teach a child to remain calm and act confidently with the help of a few rules that will help not to be offended in a difficult situation.

No one should violate your rights

No one can force a person to act against his will, threaten him, tease him or inflict physical pain. Any situation in which it is not comfortable to be is an occasion to gather courage and protect yourself by word or action. This skill does not come immediately, but with the gradual development of willpower. And it always works reverse side: everyone should try not to show force and aggression towards other people and not threaten their health.

Be confident in what you do and think

Positive self-esteem affects how the child perceives himself, his thoughts and desires, and whether he is not shy about expressing his opinion. Maintain self-confidence: praise children for small and major achievements, encourage in moments of doubt, do not ignore good deeds. It is important for children to know what they are good at. The mere knowledge that, although the exact sciences are not easy for a child, he draws well and feels confident with friends in art school, inspires him and helps him not to perceive low marks in mathematics as a disaster. But this only works if the parents value the child's success in art more than they demand fives for the algebra test.

Be an optimist

People with a positive outlook on life are able to focus on the good, do not suspect an offender in every person and do not expect a negative attitude towards themselves. Most often, people around positively perceive optimistic people. But even if the child does not find the desired approval from others, it is important for him to learn to act as his own "anti-criticist", to find pluses in the events taking place, to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. The secret here is simple: you need to see some “but” in an unpleasant event. So instead of saying, "I'll never get the lead role in school play”, you can say to yourself: “Of course, I wanted to get the role of a princess, but the role of a fairy is also very good.”

Everyone has the right to be heard

Many things are not easy for shy children: raise your hand in class, speak with a peer in playground tell classmates funny case. The practice of communication will help when the child learns to attract attention to himself. Try to let him see how you talk to passers-by, and hear how other children get to know each other. Ask him to place an order in a cafe while you go to the bathroom, invite guests with children to your home - in a familiar environment, it will be easier for the child to be liberated. The experience of diverse communication will gradually add self-confidence.

Fighting is not the best way out

There are situations (especially often they occur in boys) when one child behaves aggressively towards another: he can deliberately push or take away some thing, provoking a conflict. No matter how strong the first impulse to “strike back” may be, the fight does not lead to a solution to the problem. Teach your child to first try to resolve the conflict by talking - advise him, without aggression, in the most calm way, to tell the offender what exactly he does not like in his behavior, ask him to return the thing back or no longer hurt him. If it is not possible to find out the relationship verbally and the matter takes a serious turn, advise the child to step aside and turn to an adult.

Don't support those who tease

Children who like to tease others tend to change names or give unpleasant nicknames. In this case, you can follow the following tactics:
Ignore the offender.
Do not let him know that his words hurt or upset you (“So what?”, “So what did you mean by that?” - possible options reaction to the words of the teaser, so that he understands that you do not care about him).
Imagine being protected by a heavy-duty superhero suit and having an offensive nickname bounce off you like a rubber ball.

Feel free to have your point of view

Sometimes it is difficult for children to speak out against the opinion of the majority. Self-confidence will help not to be led by others: not to watch a TV show that the whole class is passionate about, but it seems uninteresting to a child; Don't cross the road at a red light just because everyone else is running. Talk about how important it is to distinguish between the positive pressure of others (for example, friends are passionate about a new sport and actively invite them to the section) and negative (truant classes, try cigarettes - something that will definitely have negative consequences).

Don't be afraid to say no

Sometimes it seems easier to agree with the majority than to say "no" to a proposal that you don't like. But it is important to let the child know that he always has a choice - to say “yes” or “no”. And most importantly, what he should be guided by in a situation of choice is to ask himself: what is offered to me, do I or others want it? Explain that it is best to give an honest answer why the child does not want to do something with everyone - a reasonable position causes only respect from others.

Reach out to adults

Despite the fact that children are taught not to talk, there are things that can cause them real mental pain and also pose a threat to their health. Tell the child that if he cannot cope with the offender and the case takes an unpleasant turn for him, he should immediately turn to any adult: a passer-by, a high school student, a teacher and, of course, his parents. In any case, the parent remains a support and protector for the child until he learns to defend himself on his own - and here it is necessary to inspire that mom and dad will always come to the rescue and will never laugh at the fact that he could not cope with the offender himself.

go in for sports

Almost any sport, especially if it is supported by success, develops self-confidence and self-confidence in children. Sometimes the mere mention that the child owns the techniques of martial arts cools the ardor of offenders. Sports are also a good helper in the ability to stay cool in stressful situations. This will help: - calmly answer the offender that you do not like his behavior; - force yourself to speak not in a quiet, but in a confident voice, even if excitement is growing inside; - do not panic and restrain the impulse to respond with physical rudeness to the rudeness of another person.