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How to love something that does not suit you? What is needed for this? How to love yourself? Installation "Need-want". Reverse action

What is self love?

Often we all understand that loving yourself is incredibly important. At the same time, it is incredibly difficult.

And probably the first thing we should do in our lives is to love ourselves truly, learn to truly respect and accept ourselves.

But when it comes to practice, the big question is, “What does it mean to love yourself?”

Questions to which you will find answers by reading this article.

• How to love yourself for real?
• How to develop self love?
• Can you make yourself fall in love?
• How can you learn to accept yourself the way you are?
• What are the ways to do this?

The main thing is not to expect it to happen quickly. The process of accepting yourself and developing a feeling of love will take some time. Understand that if you have lived enough time without self-love, then it would be naive to expect it to happen in one night or a week.

Nevertheless, you can notice the results of working on yourself from the very first days. Once you make that decision—that you want to love yourself, that you want to learn how to love yourself, and take action—you will notice incredible changes. These will be changes in your life, in the people around you, these will be.

Self love is the path everyone should take.

This is the most Main way in our life. Because without self-love, without a sense of unity with yourself, without deep and sincere respect for yourself and your actions, without fully accepting yourself as a person, you will not have anything worthwhile in this life - your personal life will not work out, success will not come and there will be no happiness.

Love for oneself is the foundation, it is a solid foundation on which the building of our whole life is built. And so that it never collapses and does not even squint, we need to learn to experience this divine feeling in relation to ourselves.

Loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Also, do not confuse self-love with narcissism, they are completely different things. In the first case, we are talking about a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, in the other - empty narcissism and exposing one's Ego for show.

How to love yourself. 5 steps towards you

The proposed methods of developing a positive attitude towards oneself are time-tested and very effective. By doing this step by step instructions, you will be able to regain this feeling you once lost. Feelings of love, self-respect and self-acceptance.

Step 1. Be kind to yourself.

This means not to reproach yourself for no reason, not to scold yourself over trifles, not to endow yourself with negative epithets - “you are so ugly, you weigh too much, you have crooked legs, you are stupid”, etc.

Be kind to yourself! Never blame yourself for your past mistakes. They are not made by those who do nothing at all. The very fact of recognition and understanding that you made a mistake is already a huge plus in your direction! Many never admit their mistakes. Just forgive yourself and move on, don't dwell on it. Learn from your mistakes instead of using them as a whip to beat yourself up.

Sometimes we do not forgive ourselves for such stupid things that it's hard to even believe it. We cannot forgive ourselves for protruding ears, extra pounds, freckles on the face, or too sparse or thick hair.

All this is complete nonsense! From now on, we only tell ourselves Nice words!

Our subconscious does not have a sense of humor, it does not understand when we are joking and when we are serious. It is so arranged that it perceives everything at face value.

Remember that when you tell yourself “bad words” like “I’m scary, I’m clumsy, I’m lazy, I’m fat”, even if you don’t really think so, then the unconscious in you writes all this down, stores it in memory cells and will act accordingly.

The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won’t catch it

Teach yourself to say "STOP!" whenever you catch yourself having negative thoughts or words addressed to you. Often we scold ourselves in front of other people, unconsciously belittle ourselves in the eyes of others. Quit this bad habit once and for all! - thus you will take a huge step towards yourself, towards ideal and loving relationship with your own person.

Be kind to yourself! Be yourself best friend! Become your most valuable asset. You are your treasure! You are the best thing in your life. Go to the mirror more often, talk to yourself, call yourself by name, as well as affectionate words, praise and encourage yourself!

Step 2: Clean up your relationship

Free your world from negative people. Cleanse your social circle of those with whom you are uncomfortable and who cause negative emotions in you.

It doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy to do. But just set yourself such a goal, and you will definitely achieve this.

For example, you were invited to a party. You do not like to sit alone at home, but at the same time, you do not want to communicate with some people. Don't force yourself! Refuse to meet those with whom communication destroys you, who does not bring joy into your life, who takes away your strength and vitality, who sets you up for negativity.

It's like slow suicide! It is much more valuable to be in company with yourself than to spend time in such an environment. It’s better to be alone all your life than to communicate with such specimens.

Around us there are always people who suppress us and there are those next to whom we literally blossom and fill with energy. The choice is always yours.

Do not be afraid to change your social circle, remember that a holy place is never empty. And instead of “unnecessary ballast”, those with whom you have common views, interests and one worldview will come into your life. Yes, it won't happen right away, but it WILL happen. Gradually, living and open people will gather around you “without a stone in your bosom”, without hidden envy or anger.

Try to follow one golden rule when communicating with people:

If you sincerely like a person, get out of your head and forget about all the barriers and your differences, whether it be social status or something else. Because this is communication at the level of your Souls, and it is worth a lot.

If you don’t like someone wholeheartedly, refuse to communicate with him, no matter what benefits or advantages it promises you.

Step 3. Don't do something you don't feel like doing.

You say, how not to do it, if necessary? You have to get up early for work, you have to do the cleaning, washing and cooking. Gotta take my son to kindergarten and check her daughter's lessons. And I don't really want to do all this.

Here we are talking about something completely different. All these are everyday, routine tasks and duties from which we cannot escape. And there are things that go against our inner convictions, contrary to our worldview and mentality. These are the circumstances in which we are forced to compromise our principles.

It is these actions and deeds of ours that lower our self-esteem and self-respect, destroy our authority in our own eyes. It is they who cause dislike for themselves and loss. friendly relations with your personality.

All these situations are mainly related to the fact that we do something that we do not like, for fear of upsetting or offending the person.

We go where we don’t want to, so as not to offend the one who invited us, we buy things that we don’t need, so as not to upset the seller, we accept offers that we cannot refuse because we don’t want to spoil the relationship.

It is very important to remember that whenever you step over yourself and literally force yourself to do something that you do not like, you are doing irreparable harm to yourself and your relationships. Thus, you show deep disrespect and dislike for yourself, for your Inner Self.

You must put an end to this. You need to learn how to say NO. You need to learn how to tactfully refuse. Calmly, without guilt, say: "I'm sorry, but I have other plans for today."

Allow yourself the luxury of doing what you want! And over time, this will become your good habit and norm of behavior.

Don't be afraid to offend other people. If they are offended, you have absolutely nothing to do with it, this is their problem.

Your job is to respect your personal boundaries and stay TRUE to YOURSELF.

Step 4. Love your body

Think about how you accept your body? To what extent are you able to love and 100% accept yourself the way you are? Accept and love your age, your shape, your figure, your weight, your habits and your character.

Love for your body is especially important for women. Most of us grew up with the idea that our body is something imperfect and unfinished. This is what we need to improve, fix, over which we need to constantly work and bring to perfection.

And this, in fact, is not the end. As soon as we get rid of extra pounds, they are replaced by cellulite, wrinkles or gray hair.

Being in the process of endless improvement, we forget one fundamental thing - our body is given to us for enjoyment. This is a gift and a gift from the Almighty! The body needs to be cared for and loved.

Very soon you will be able to see for yourself that if you love your body, if you completely trust it (that is, you do not perceive it as a traitor who betrays your age, gets sick at the wrong time and secretly puts off kilograms), when you consider the body to be your ally and the most a close creature for you, you will see that your body comes towards you and begins to reciprocate.

Your well-being will change before our eyes, the problem excess weight either disappear for good, or cease to be an eternal thorn in your side.

We must learn to calmly accept the fact that inevitable changes occur with our body over the years. We are all born to go through the stages of youth, maturity and decline. And by looking for signs of aging, we steal our moments of happiness.

Changes in our body are inevitable, and we have a choice - either to suffer endlessly for this every year we live, or to choose to enjoy the moments that we have now.

Love your wrinkles - they are a sign that your body is ALIVE!

You won't believe how much our body yearns for love! How much it expects gratitude and care from you!

Love your body, take care of it, be grateful to it and it will surely reciprocate!

Step 5. Learn to respect yourself

Until we begin to love ourselves, until we live in comfort with ourselves, until we learn to respect ourselves, we will not be able to truly open up and enjoy life. It is impossible to love yourself without self-respect.

The ability to respect yourself as a person, the ability to stand up for yourself and show that you are worthy of respect - very important condition on the path to self-love. Self-respect is an integral part of a harmonious sense of self. No one will ever treat us with respect until we learn how to do it in relation to ourselves.

There are situations when you were rude or treated rudely and impolitely. And many do not consider the right to stand up for themselves with dignity. Not snapping back, not making a fuss and not starting a scandal.

We're just not taught it. We are accustomed to silently swallow our resentment, and then suffer for a long time and torture ourselves with remorse about the fact that we could not answer at its true worth.

It's just that no one taught us that. "Who are you? Don't you dare contradict me!" We hear from our parents since childhood. Often, even at school, teachers treat us disrespectfully, shifting our rejection of ourselves onto us. While we are small, we get used to the fact that we are not allowed to rebuff adults.

Then we ourselves become adults, but our psyche remains at the same age category - at the level of small children.

And every time we have to stand up for ourselves and show self-respect, the same fear from our childhood crawls to the surface of consciousness. And the action includes an internal program, which psychologists call "chew, swallow and digest." This is especially true for those who were youngest child in a family or grew up in an authoritarian family.

We are just used to experiencing emotions of pain, humiliation, inner anger, aggression and resentment from the inability to stand up for ourselves. And, we ourselves unconsciously create situations in our lives where we could again experience these negative emotions.

How to deal with it? How do you learn to respect yourself and stop attracting these kinds of situations into your life?

The answer lies in refusing to experience such emotions. Get rid of them once and for all. This is not easy to do, but you need to go through it in order to start loving yourself for real.

And once again, when you find yourself in a situation where you are treated disrespectfully, insulted or humiliated, track this emotion, consciously feel this aggression or irritation and transform them. You do not need to leave them in yourself and not accumulate, this is fraught with disorders. nervous system and respiratory diseases.

You have two ways out of this situation - from yourself to the person who hurt you, or to answer him.

But answer with dignity. Without sinking to the level of your abuser, without speaking his language. Nothing good will come of it and it will hardly add respect to yourself.

Self respect always respects others

You need to learn how to respond to aggression against you without reciprocal aggression and anger. In a calm and even tone of a self-confident person, express your attitude to this. It is not at all necessary to experience negative emotions in order to stand up for yourself and show what is acceptable for us and what is not, and that you deserve a better attitude.

Do not be silent if you do not like something - state it calmly and kindly - and in most cases the conflict will be settled immediately.

Ignore people who show up negatively in your path. a short time- in a queue or in transport, for example. There are a lot of bad people around. Learn to ignore them, make them invisible to yourself, and gradually there will be fewer and fewer such people in your life.

Give up negative emotions and start new chapter own life. The one in which you can say: "I respect myself!". Your new image is an image that deserves respect.

I also recommend not to be lazy, but to adopt 5 more useful tips About, how can you love yourself and from tomorrow to say "Hi!" new "I"!

Practical Examples of Self-Love

Self love is in the little things. The way we treat ourselves in our daily activities speaks volumes about our love or dislike of ourselves. This short video (08:23) shows practical examples and advice on how to treat ourselves even in the smallest moments of our lives.

How to love yourself? Practical psychology

In this interesting video, Ekaterina Prokhorova, a popular psychologist and host of Cognitive TV, will share her secrets on the topic of self-love with you. After reviewing this short video(09:16), you will be able to understand that the person closest to you is yourself.

How to make yourself fall in love?

Making yourself fall in love is impossible. It's completely pointless and hopeless. But to convince your subconscious of the sincerity of feelings towards yourself is possible and very necessary.

In addition to the topic of self-love and to consolidate this feeling in the depths of my subconscious, I recommend using modern psi-technologies and going through a wonderful audio-visual hypno-course "HEALING POWER OF LOVE"

This wonderful hypnosession, which I recently went through myself and can confirm its effectiveness, is aimed at developing true love for yourself and accepting yourself as a person.

After passing it, you will be able to love yourself deeper, and filled with this love, you will feel an irresistible desire to give it to others and begin to receive love in return in abundance!

Friends, I sincerely hope that the tips given here will help you to truly love yourself a little, get closer to yourself and become your best friend.

And to the question "How to love yourself?" you will be able to find your own answers, which your own life will dictate to you.

Love yourself and be happy!

Alena Golovina

Interesting

Man is born with primordial self-love. Pay attention to how babies cry and spare no effort to demand food, protection, attention from their parents. Man is born with love for himself. However, over the years, this feeling disappears. Over time, a person begins to understand that he needs to renew love for himself, which is why he seeks psychological advice.

Site specialists psychological help The site claims that it is important for a person to love himself first of all. The only problem is that every individual is taught to think that self-love is selfishness. In order not to be considered a selfish person and to receive approval from others, an individual must stop loving himself and start caring for others. Are you familiar with these ideas?

1. Take care of others rather than yourself.
2. Thinking only of yourself is bad.

Man by nature is self-loving. If a person ceases to love himself, it is akin to the fact that he ceases to wear warm clothes when it is winter outside, or to be treated when he is sick. Not to love yourself means to stop protecting, caring, supporting, understanding, appreciating, etc. Just as a person wants to receive love from the opposite sex, what he expects to see in the actions of his loving partner, in the same way he must take care of himself. In other words, what kind of love you expect from other people, the same love should be shown to yourself.

Why do you need to love yourself? Psychologists say that a person becomes useful to others only when he himself is healthy, beautiful, happy, rich and knowledgeable. Self-love is taking care of your own health, spiritual harmony, happiness and well-being. What's wrong with wishing you happiness for yourself?

Thus, self-love is an instinctive feeling that prompts a person to maintain his health and take care of his own well-being in the first place. But the problem is that the society in which the individual lives does not want to see such a person. Society needs self-sacrificing people, that is, those who do not love themselves, but try to earn the respect and love of others by helping them and providing various services.

Society calls self-love a selfish feeling, condemning everyone who shows it. That is why many give up on self-love, which is why they make a mistake. After all, no one can take care of a person better than himself.

How to love yourself?

Lack of self-love makes a person look for it in other people. This makes him dependent on them. He is completely immersed in the lives of those he meets. That is why you can hear such an expression as "completely absorbed in someone else's life." A person who does not love does not take care of his life, because he is not interested in it. He takes pleasure in the lives of other people, especially those who give him what he lacks. Parting is painful for such a person, because not just people leave, but the love that he felt thanks to them. It is during these periods that love addiction escalates when a person suffers and wants to return his former partner without taking care of his life. And here it is very important to love yourself.

Lack of self-love makes a person strive to please everyone. In principle, everyone strives for this, but some suffer a little less from it, others a little more. How more people feels empty inside large quantity he needs people to fill it. That's why sometimes literally every fan counts, no matter how worthless or uninteresting he may be. His attention already speaks of interest, which allows you to think about what he loves. And it's so nice for someone who does not love himself.

Lack of self-love makes a person sacrifice, become a masochist or a slave. Think about why many people suffer bullying from their soulmates? Some are beaten, others are cheated on, others are deceived, others are humiliated, etc. Why do all these people tolerate neglect? It's very simple: they just don't like themselves. Their partners are the only people who show romantic interest in them. And for such unfortunate people - this is at least something than nothing at all. Often people without self-love very often allow others to mock them. They do this because they feel their own impunity. Why are they allowed to? Often the “victim” provokes his “tyrant” herself. After all, self-dislike does not just happen! Almost always a person becomes like this only because, when he was a child, his parents did not love him. So he got used to at least some attention from others, even if it is accompanied by beatings and insults.

Lack of self-love makes a person live someone else's life. Very often, such a person wears a “mask” of some kind of image that is more attractive to others than his real nature. Sometimes a person gets so used to playing that he forgets who he really is. But at the same time, he constantly feels emptiness inside himself, especially when people admire not him, but the way he portrays.

Lack of self-love can lead a person to lose the meaning of life. The older he gets, the less he understands what life is for. What do people live for? What is love? And other questions overcome such a person. This is not the cry of his soul, but, most likely, is already a quiet whisper of an already exhausted soul. She tries to find at least one source of her inspiration in the eternal, but does not find it. Why? Probably because a person has not learned to love himself. After all, it is love that lives the soul and heart of a person.

Self-love is very important, which a person understands when he is constantly faced with the ingratitude of others who did not appreciate his efforts and sacrifices, and also sees that all his desires are not realized. It is important for every reader to understand that other people do not have to make you happy. Moreover, they will not be able to make you happy, because they cannot read your thoughts and do not know your desires. It is important to love yourself, that is, to please and make yourself happy, in order to at least understand how others can do it if they want it.

Self-love makes a person take care of himself, please himself, take care of his physical and mental health. This is different from the public understanding when self-love means that a person does not hear anyone, uses everyone and makes himself above everyone. Since society misinterprets self-love, it advocates getting rid of this feeling for every person. After all, how good it is when people do not think about themselves, but only care about the well-being of others. It looks more like voluntary slavery, when a good feeling is presented as a sin.

Self-love is taking care of and maintaining your existence at the level that you personally desire. You take care of yourself without forcing anyone to do it. love yourself in modern society not accepted. But how can you value someone if you don't value yourself? The ideology that the selfish person is an egoist to be shunned has led to perverted love. Not only does a person not know how to love himself, so he also becomes unable to love others.

Self love - how does it manifest itself? You, for example, accept your body as it is given by nature. Yes, you are not a top model with parameters 90-60-90. You are given a body that can be beautiful or ugly, regardless of the parameters. Much depends on the state of the body itself, on how you dress and present yourself. There are fat people who dress stylishly and leave a positive impression on others. After all fat person- not a verdict. You can be smart, witty, skilled. And this is more important than the parameters of your body.

Natural love manifests itself in accepting yourself as you are. This does not mean that you should not strive for some improvement in yourself. If you don't like something, you have the right to change it. But as long as you have not changed, you have the right to love yourself. You respect yourself in the present form and will respect later when you change. Why not afford it?

If you don't love yourself, then you don't know how to accept negative sides, weak spots, shortcomings in his personality. If you do not know how to do this in relation to yourself native person– to yourself, then you cannot do this in relation to other people. You are not able to love if you see and reject in a partner weak sides and flaws.

The absence of natural love leads to the desire to fill the void with the feelings of other people. You now do not just rejoice in someone else's love towards yourself, but demand it. If someone does not love you, then you are offended, because the void is not filled. You demand to be loved. Now this becomes the main condition in a relationship: if you are loved, then you are ready to make this person happy, and if you do not love, then you will cause suffering.

Self-love is not a selfish manifestation of a person. It's about about a healthy feeling when you learn to appreciate, respect, protect yourself, regardless of whether you are an ideal person in all plans or not.

How to love yourself? Here are some methods:

1. Realize your value. To do this, you need to see your positive and side personality. What are you good at? What can you do? How have they already benefited society? Appreciate yourself for everything you have.
2. Take care of your health. Don't just try to be beautiful, be healthy as well. Always make an effort to keep every part of your body healthy.
3. Celebrate your strengths. Focus more on the good, give yourself compliments.
4. Stop comparing yourself to other people. How can you be worse or better than others if you are a unique person? No need to compare yourself, appreciate yourself for who you are.
5. Do not divide yourself into good and bad qualities. Although you are advised to focus on your merits, best position will not divide himself into good and bad at all. Appreciate what you have in yourself: love your strengths, respect and accept what you see as your weakness. You are a whole person who is good in all your qualities.
6. Make failure an experience. Failures do not exist, you do not need to suffer because of them. Let any failed business be an experience for you, where you can consider the wrong steps taken and change them, improving yourself.
7. Take care of yourself the way you want other people to take care of you. Treat yourself the way you expect others to.
8. Put your wants and needs, interests and opinions first. First of all, pursue your desires and interests. At the same time, just take into account the opinions and needs of others. You do not ignore your own or other people's desires, but live at your discretion, taking into account the fact that other people's rights and freedoms should not be infringed, and some needs are taken into account.

It is important to allow yourself to be that person and live the way you want to. If it does not infringe on the rights and freedom of others, then you can afford it, despite the fact that someone may not like it.

How do you end up loving yourself?

Allow yourself to enjoy your life. After all, in the end, a person is born himself and dies alone. No one will live your life for you, no one will survive the grief that you experience, no one will be able to make you as happy as you want. You go through everything alone. So, why let others control your life? Love yourself and start living your life with pleasure.

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Health 28.08.2012

Today in the blog I want to continue the conversation on the topics of Love. It's about self love. First of all, I want to thank everyone for responding to my articles on the topic of Kindness, Love and Happiness. I heard and understood that this is all close to each of us. You left such detailed comments. I'm sorry if I didn't reply to anyone personally. It just wasn't possible. Once again, thank you all and continue the conversation about how to love yourself.

We are all looking for Love in our lives. And most often we are looking for it and want to get it from another person. From my husband, from my family, from our children. Now, if we receive all this, then it seems to us that we are loved and happy. That is, we all become dependent on other people. But in fact, you must first understand yourself, learn to love yourself. And this is not selfishness, as many people think, but real happiness. If everyone finds such love in himself, loves and accepts himself, then all the people around us will be happy from this.

Even our children's fortune-telling on a camomile is always turned to the opposite sex. It would never occur to anyone to wonder if I love myself? Is it true? Understanding yourself, finding the answer to the question of how you can love yourself is probably not an easy task. Let's think about it. And then we'll think about what to do with it.

Self love starts from childhood.

It probably starts from our childhood. If we grew up in a family where there were constant screams and jerks, then it is difficult to learn more adulthood take it and suddenly fall in love with yourself. That is why I say so often that our children and grandchildren need to talk about our love.

They learn everything from us. And we are often afraid to show our feelings, and then we are horrified by their actions, we talk about who they were born into. It means that they themselves did not give something to the children. Unkissed and unloved children. I think it's very scary. Although many, probably, will answer me by saying that there is nothing to pamper your children. Then egoists grow out of them. But I'm only talking about my thoughts. You have the right to choose the ones that are closer to you.

Our dislike for ourselves is recouped in relation to children. We take out all our suppressed feelings and emotions on them. “That’s how wonderful I am, I invested so much effort, well, I did everything for my child, and what do I see in response?” I think all of us have gone through this to one degree or another. Think about it. Love your children, find with them mutual language, do not shout and do not break. I am currently working on myself a lot. It is a pity that so much time has been lost, such knowledge and thoughts did not exist before. But, as they say, better late than never. So I am for the movement of thought in this direction.

Do not engage in sabotage or how to find the inner core in yourself.

Probably, each of us is familiar with the picture “I’m starting new life from Monday". Take, for example, morning runs. Got up on Monday morning. Everything is fine. Put on a sports suit and go. But literally the next day you start to scroll through the situation in the morning. So, it started to rain, then after a shower with unstyled hair I go to work, I critical days, etc. and so on. And all excuses begin to not do it.

Set like goals before. We started to practice in order to look good, to please ourselves, and then we miss the moment. Our own will gives us all sorts of excuses. You still need to have a stem. Set a goal, move on. This is how we strengthen our faith in ourselves. And if the goal is achieved, then we rejoice and look at ourselves in a new way.

Never say never.

Our categoricalness greatly hinders us in life. That's all we want, as soon as we want. Do you want that at this moment a husband came up to us and asked for forgiveness? So we can't wait more than 5 minutes. Have you seen the unhappy happy woman? Me not. It's hardly possible to talk about self-love here. Unspoken resentments and unforgiveness in life greatly hinder us from moving towards self-love.

Than your soul lives or kiss your soul.

Often, when talking with a person, you ask him about what he likes in this life. And then you just wonder, how long have you been in contact with this? Let's say you like music, but how long have you been listening to something live? Did you read something new? Etc. I think the idea is clear. It turns out that he didn’t go anywhere for a very long time, didn’t listen to anything, etc.

Why don't we take care of our souls? Somewhere I heard words about the soul, which so sunk into my soul. Our soul must be stroked. Kiss your soul on your own. Really good words? You can just stroke your soul like that, fill it with something new, and we will have a completely different internal state and feeling.

How to love yourself? Affirmations.

Now we can move on to practice. Try, or rather, do work with affirmations every day. About what it is and how to choose the right affirmations for yourself, to compose your own, I spoke in detail in my article. If you haven't read the article, I invite you to read it.

The following affirmations can be taken as a basis. You can change, add your own text, which is closer to you. Just do not forget that you need to work every day.

What can you do to love yourself?

• Get rid of bad thoughts. As soon as you feel that you start saying something bad to yourself, switch. Never dwell on the negative.
• Be kind to yourself. Do not judge everything strictly. Everyone has the right to make mistakes.
• Be sure to take care of your body. This and healthy eating and all that can please you: massage, pleasant baths, walks, etc.
• Spend time with friends who are dear to you, with those who do not bring you negativity in life.
• Know how to enjoy the minutes that you spent just for yourself. Make time. Ask your loved ones not to disturb you during this time. Let it be only 10 minutes. No one should enter "your territory".
• Don't fool yourself. It is better to honestly admit to yourself why you do not like yourself so much than to pretend.

Always remember that if you become limp, it will not be easier for anyone. Taking care of yourself is a very important factor in harmony in the home.

Exercises to help you love yourself.

Here are some more exercises that can help us love ourselves. I found these exercises in a book on psychology. I think that everything is very worthy.

1. Focus on all the good things that is found around. Divide a sheet of paper in half. Write everything on the left positive traits, on the right - all the negative things that you don't like about yourself. After that, go only to the right side. Cross out all the negative qualities, just cross out each one. Then tear off this half and destroy it. Can be torn into small pieces, can be burned, etc. Then go to the list that is left. Regularly say to myself that I ... And further down the list are all the positive qualities that you have prescribed. And add a new one every three days good quality. Just to add to the list.
2. Praise yourself for every little thing , for the little progress you've made over the previous day. Doing so better evening but every day.
3. My failures are my success . To make it clearer, let me give you an example. Suppose you are always very slow. It annoys everyone, and you too. Now change your thoughts. Yes, slow, but my slowness protects me from rash actions. I always weigh everything before making a decision. Is it really a different approach? I think it's clear what to do here.

Dear readers, I advise you not to be lazy, but read more: “5 great tips on how to love yourself” - in this article!

I would like to end my reflections with a motto for all women, which I have already written about in previous articles. May all men forgive me.

Dear women, love yourself, pamper yourself. Remember that we should be beautiful, loved and happy. And we don't owe anything to anyone else. . We will be happy, men will be happy with us, and our children, and parents, and friends. But this is a path that needs to be worked on. What we all want.

And my spiritual gift for today is the song by A. Pakhmutova to the verses by N. Dobronravov Melody performed Muslim Magomaeva . A unique and inaccessible singer, with such nobility, with such an inner culture. Muslim Magomayev sings all songs with his heart. I wish everyone to find the same melody in their lives.

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1. All it takes to have love is to be love.
2. Love does not require conditions.
3. This experience is absolute and perfect.

Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.

What is this term often confused with?

This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!

True self love is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.

There is no pressure or effort involved.

Having this feeling:

• you are in harmony with yourself;
• you walk the world easily;
• feel confident in any situation;
• respect everything you do and everything you say.

It's such a down to earth and natural feeling.

Let's figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.

1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complete you, you are already self-sufficient

2. Accept yourself completely

Accept yourself the way you are

Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.

1. Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
   This is important because people often judge themselves, hate themselves and despise themselves for the things that have been done in the past.
2. At that moment in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes, because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
   Of course, then you admit the mistake, but you love yourself with these mistakes and accept them.
3. Thanks to your mistakes, you are where you are now..
   They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.

When you no longer associate the word “acceptance” with weakness, you begin to live with ease and calmness that you have never seen before.

Accept all your flaws and love yourself with them: there is what is

Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."

Example. I screwed up in front of people yesterday, I couldn't make a presentation and didn't prepare.

There is what is, and that's okay.

Use this phrase like practical advice about how to love yourself and stop self-flagellation.

What is the fine line which many people forget:

• This does not mean that you have now resigned yourself to the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! No.
• Are you still longing to be best version myself.
• You just don't judge yourself for your shortcomings.

3. You don't need a reason to love yourself.

You are self-sufficient and should love yourself for no reason.

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, then love will not be complete and complete, and doubts and reasons for the opposite immediately appear in your head. You don't need a reason.

As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because…”, there are immediately reasons not to love yourself!

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you find reasons to doubt!

You love yourself, period. Without a reason.

You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason to be otherwise.

Thanks to this realization, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.

4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal

No one is better or worse than you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermining your self-esteem.

Otherwise, you will get into an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a self-confident person.

Get out from under the influence of social programming. Be aware that.

Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.

5. Never compare yourself to others

Comparing oneself to others always causes a feeling of lack of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.

Never chase after others and do not strive to be what you are not!

Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare it with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.

Comparing yourself to others gets in the way of self-acceptance.

You cannot be what you are not. You can't live someone else's life. No matter how hard you try, you'll be able to be a cheaper, duller version of the person you're chasing!

The best thing you can do is be yourself.

Don't try to be what you are not. Don't try to be like everyone else.

Be yourself and go beyond your limits, expand your comfort zone.

It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves with each other. And as a result, then they are always competing with someone. It's like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.

With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love themselves and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will forever remain open.

With whom can you compare yourself?

The only person you should compare yourself to it's you yourself!

For example, what were you like yesterday and what are you today.

A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT with regards to the results achieved, but with regards to the new knowledge and awareness received.

Ask yourself these questions daily:

• What have I become wiser than yesterday and what have I learned new?
• What lessons have I learned from today?
• Am I out of my comfort zone today?

Only such a comparison with oneself has a place to be.

If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.

6. Respect your body and your mind

Consider the sixth advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself.

Respect your body and mind means you love yourself as spiritual man capable of thinking and being conscious, and you love your healthy body and follow him.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle

How to respect your body:

1. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed by the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful smelling, alcoholic, inhaling things and do not undermine its health.
2. Develop your body, go to the gym. Feel the pain of muscle growth when it comes to understanding that the muscles are using their full potential and you are using them correctly. This is wonderful.
3. These feelings of developing the muscles of the body and eating the right food give you more confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives this way because they hate themselves and don't know anything about how to learn to love and appreciate themselves.

Respect your mind and consciousness, do not stuff it with false information

What does this mean and how should it be implemented:

1. You don't have to watch trash on TV.
2. You need to think positively, have clear and distinct thoughts. Have pure thoughts. And then you will close your questions about .
3. You remove all negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
4. You need to develop your mind, explore new concepts, ideas, topics, look for better solutions.
5. Let your mind rest.
6. Meditate. You can read more about .
7. Show him that you respect him.

The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself.

7. Remove the negative grumpy granny in yourself, judging other people and yourself

Why you need to stop judging others and yourself

This will also be the main advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself for a woman after 50 or an elderly man.

But, alas, this bad habit is also found among the younger generation.

An example of how judging others limits you

1. For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
2. And you and your friend go through and start throwing mud at him: “Here, Chaliapin was found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, let him go to the circus,” etc.
3. There comes a time when you already have to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
4. It is this grouchy grandmother, judging others, that limits you in your actions.
5. Never judge anyone. Both yourself and others.

The only thing you can blame yourself:

• Have I done my best?
• Did I do everything I could to get better?

8. If you don’t like something, then don’t endure it, act

You can verbally tell the person that you don't like it, or use facial expressions and gestures to show that you don't approve of it.

From childhood, your mother taught you to endure difficult situations and let them be.

It was the same at school. No need to be patient!

These are not necessarily words, they can be actions that stop what you do not like.

Example: The man smokes in the car. And you can't stand cigarette smoke and have never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.

• I suggest that the person get out of the car and smoke on the sidelines.
• I'm talking about the fact that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and I'm allergic.
• I say that we will not be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.

Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.

The more you solve unpleasant situations for you, the more love and respect for yourself will appear.

9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what you don't

Why it is important to have personal boundaries:

Example.

• I don't like it when a man sits on my neck.
• I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
• And so on.

Also write your preferences what you value and respect in people.

This way you will know what you want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love and respect yourself.

10. When you reach your goals, reward yourself in every possible way: for example, buy yourself sweets.

If you set a goal for yourself and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.

How it helps you further:

• Thus, unconsciously, you reinforce in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tastier.
• There is more energy to achieve the goal.
• Buying something for yourself, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes natural love for yourself for the efforts and efforts made.

For example, I like to buy sweets for myself: chocolates, cake. To whom to taste. It's always nice.

Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.

11. Don't whine or let whiners cry into your waistcoat.

You are not a sponge and not a vest in which you can cry! Make it clear to everyone around you.

When you yourself whine next to people for life and for people, you just show them that they can also do the same to you.

Whining does not solve the problem in any way!

You don’t want to love a whiner, you want to love a strong personality!

How to stop whiners:

1. If the person next to you whines and complains about life, on people, pours out his soul to you and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
2. If he keeps whining, then he's not going to solve anything.. This means that a person just wants to feel needed for you, pour out his soul to you, feel your empathy.
3. Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?”. Get rid of the whiners without a doubt, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
4. Get the whiners out of your social circle, and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities around. No whiner will drag you down.

12. You create all situations yourself: take responsibility for yourself and your actions

How to learn it with a piece of paper and a pen

Apply this effective method from psychology on the topic of how to learn to love yourself, in practice.

An example with a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street

How did the person bring the situation to this point:

• I myself behaved too aggressively and emotionally.
• I myself called names and provoked a man.
• I could just leave at any moment.
• I was looking for my own adventure.
• I pushed the man first.
• I myself attracted the negative that I had been accumulating for a long time.

13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them down and remember them.

Know exactly what value you have, what attractive characteristics and qualities.

If you don't know this, you won't be able to develop self-love and dealing with people will be harder.

For example, it's great if while communicating with people, you, without even straining, bring such things as:

Whoever you are you already have value, if only because you are unique.

Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with restless thoughts about how to learn to love yourself as a woman or a man.

Answer the following questions in writing:

1. What makes your personality attractive?
2. What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
3. What sensations do you give to people who are in your environment without trying and without making an effort?
4. How deeply can you express your interesting personality when interacting with other people?
5. How independent and free are you on the inside?

Values different people different. As your personality develops, your values ​​may change.

Video on how to increase objective self-esteem

14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires

1. Say what you want.
2. If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do and realize them!
3. Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.

Don't be afraid to show yourself what others don't want you to see! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!

The more you trust yourself and act on your desires, the more you live the life you want.

Examples of how people limit themselves in life because of the opinions of others:

• Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality because they are afraid of offending other people.
• Some people don't want to dance because they're afraid of getting looks of disapproval or bringing smiles to the faces of others.

You can read an article on how to ignore other people's opinions and get rid of shyness.

15. Be more interested in yourself, do introspection, strive to be your best self

How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person

Stick to these principles, and you will no longer worry about how to learn to love life and yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What are your passions in this life?
• What excites and excites you?
• What kind of humor do you like?
• What kind of music do you like?

16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it

1. Set yourself a goal that will excite you and keep you awake!
   Live this dream and make it a reality every day.
2. The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to realize it and make it a reality.
3. If the goal is low and petty, then there will be so much energy.
4. Thus, on the way to a big goal, you will live interesting life , there will be respect for yourself and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.

Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.

17. It's Important to Love Other People: Don't Try to Change Them

It is important to love and accept people for who they are.

Be aware of these principles, reread them occasionally, and don't worry about how to love yourself and other people too.

18. You don't have to be a super perfect person.

Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be super-ideal and correct.

Allegedly, you should have an ideal body, education.

In fact, no one wants to be perfect and correct!

Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.

People want to be themselves.

Allow yourself and others to be who they are.

In this way, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.

19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat

Enough to conform to your idea of ​​what is normal

To be in pretentious cool places, it is absolutely not necessary to have super expensive clothes.

To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat is normal.

Well, it is desirable, of course, to find out in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then there is no need to comply with anything.

• It is very stupid to advise a person to always think positively.. This is tantamount to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
• Any condition is temporary and impermanent.. For all people, the state changes and there is no point in forcing a person to depend on the state and constantly chase after it.
• This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. No.
• You gotta love yourself no matter what state you're in. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

This is where all the advice ends. Now you know everything about how to love yourself correctly and correctly interpret this concept.

Wise words

Love is the absence of separation and boundaries between people. This is when you are dissolved and see yourself in every person.

Loving all people is much more beautiful than loving yourself alone or just your partner.

And obviously, not everyone is clear about whom it is. And it's about us, loved ones. Simply put, neurosis is a self-deception that covers up something unbearable: fear, shame, guilt, despair. How do you become neurotic? If a person, as usual, is characterized by selfishness, but personal ideals require altruism and generosity, then hypocrisy and selfish "nobility" cannot be dispensed with. If it is common to be capricious and childishly assert oneself, and ideals ask for spiritual maturity, then neurosis under the guise of spiritual well-being is guaranteed. If arrogance is characteristic, and conscience forces modesty, then explosive tension becomes an eternal companion. There are a lot of options for a mental split. That is, a neurotic is a person who always pretends to be someone. To love yourself with all the giblets, as it is, cannot. That is why he resists himself, trying to become someone else - "better".

About self-loathing

Often found in popular psychological literature, the call to love yourself in our time is rightly perceived as mediocre, cloying innocence. No one knows how it is - to take and love yourself - the proposal seems vague and impractical, therefore it causes no love, but most often - confusion and even outright irritation. At the same time, everyone seems to understand that something fundamentally important is behind the very idea of ​​\u200b\u200blove for oneself.

So we love ourselves basically the same way we love others—neurotically, jumping from one extreme to another, from self-contempt to self-deification. If the circumstances are conducive to inflating our importance - we love, if the conditions cannot be met and the importance is blown away - we feel weak and worthless.

In general, it would be necessary to distinguish between pride and love. In other words, neurotic and healthy love. This topic on the site was also revealed in one of the. And here I will briefly repeat. The essence of love is pure acceptance, a natural property of the mind that freely conducts all impressions through itself.

Observe your own state when it is not overshadowed by indignation, anxiety, or apathy. Mental processes naturally flow in a natural stream, voiced by the quiet joy of consent.

Therefore, in order to love yourself, no artificial tensions are required. You just need to remove the obstacles that prevent you from accepting yourself as you are. Or, as they say in the East, to wipe the dust of ignorance from the mirror of consciousness.

In such an approach, the premise is taken for granted that everything is in order with our person in all its imperfections. It cannot and must not be different, because, like everything else in the universe, it follows the natural course of things.

I understand how global and abstract such a theory can sound. After all, our little personality is well aware and understandable what is “right” and what is not, it easily judges destinies, like a divine emperor. At the same time, she does not really notice that even with herself she is unable to cope. Where perishing here to decide for the universe.

Metaphorically, it looks like a hopeless dispute with the Creator, where a small person protests against his divine plan. Such a conviction in the incorrectness of the reality flowing here and now dictates the eternal “shoulds” and “shoulds” - sky-high standards and standards, without which our mortal person supposedly does not deserve love. It is disagreement with the ongoing life that prevents us from accepting and loving ourselves as we are.

This motive of rejection seems to be aimed at improvement - towards future progress. But the visible benefit easily turns into an unfulfilled hope for the best in the eternal "tomorrow" - a race for the elusive horizon, which always remains one step ahead.

Ideals draw beautiful life– the very conditions in which we will finally allow ourselves to calm down in the abstract future. And there is nothing for us to love ourselves here and now. So we live, hoping for tomorrow. Until death.

Suffering is a rejection of what is happening, a feeling that here and now something is wrong and must be corrected. And if we can’t fix it, we, out of childish habit, look forward to punishment, flavored with guilt and humiliation.

Loving yourself means simply allowing yourself to be yourself without trying too hard to be better. This is a deep, not requiring any justification, clarity that our person does not need any "mandatory" changes.

This "onion" is cleaned from the surface. For a start, however strange it may sound, it is quite enough to accept your inability to become loving and accepting. Further, as they arrive, all personal psychic taboos are revealed, from which the blind prohibition is removed, and a balanced conscious attitude is established. This, as I now see, is one of the main functions of .

It is more difficult to hunt for personal irrational beliefs on your own, because neuroses are our "blind spots" from which the person unconsciously hides. Yet introspection is also a very real practice. Pay close attention to emotions. Each of them has its own illogical "logic".

Unfortunately, it is not possible to describe in detail the technique of introspection within the framework of this article. IN . For now, general advice- in any ideals to doubt and think with your own head.

There is one very slippery line here. For the time being, I will cautiously say that, as a result, and “granting rights” to my own balanced attitude.

This does not mean that a person immediately becomes a criminal and a sociopath. The fact is that psychopathology develops precisely on the basis of strict prohibitions and suppression. A psychologically relaxed personality, on the contrary, does not accumulate any explosive anger. And understanding the conditionality of all the rules, nevertheless, statistically more often she chooses "harmonious" behavior without any compulsion, pumped up by "should" and "correct".

That is, the less love is required from a person, the more often and more naturally it wakes up spontaneously. Otherwise, forcedly, it is impossible to love. How impossible it is to be forced to be kind, good and generous.

To love yourself, you don't have to do anything special. It is enough to recognize your own, albeit not the most beautiful, but real sides, stop hating yourself for them, and demand the achievement of unrealistic heights. This is why being honest with yourself is so important. To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are not somewhere in the future, but already now - with your indefatigable egoism, far from "bright" motives and a confused gut - by this very person.